


Meant To Be

by Pew_Pew_16



Category: Supernatural
Genre: College AU, Complete, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-03-01 13:08:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 68,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2774156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pew_Pew_16/pseuds/Pew_Pew_16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU; Castiel wakes up gasping for breath. He finally got his name, the name of his soulmate. He's been waiting months to get it and now he has it. As he rips away his shirt to check the skin where his heart is, is the word "Dean"...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel woke up gasping for breath and gripping at his bed sheets. A searing pain consumed his every muscle, but the origin came from his chest, right over his heart.

“ _No…_ ” was the only thing that escaped his clenched mouth.  With every passing second, the pain only increased, making his breathing come in sharp gasps. _This couldn’t be happening. This could NOT be happening._ It was a struggle trying to get out of bed. Castiel pushed away the blankets and tumbled to the ground, landing on his chest and making the pain even MORE unbearable. As if that was possible. Castiel clenched at his shirt and tried to massage the aching pain that had completely made him stop breathing.  Spots had appeared in his vision.

This was _definitely_ not the way he wanted to die; on his hands and knees gasping for breath. Eventually, Castiel was able to punch his chest and cough out half his organs. For a second, the pain seemed to completely vanish. He was able to catch a wisp of air when the excruciating suffering began again. _Why did it happen today? Why did happen AT ALL?!_

As much as it was a struggle and it made every bone of his body scream, he lifted himself off the ground and staggered his way into the bathroom. When he reached the bathroom door, the pain once again subsided only for it to come back a couple seconds later stronger than the last time. He quickly switched on the light and practically tore the shirt off.  When he looked at his _almost_ bare chest on the mirror, it was enough for him to completely forget the pain, but a new kind of pain overwhelmed him. 

With horror and fascination, he gaped at the sight that unfolded in front of him. The third letter was still sketching itself onto Castiel’s skin, hot and smoking, making it look red and irritable, yet it was there.

He had heard his parent’s stories over and over again. Heard it until he felt like his ears were about to fall off. And yet, seeing it up close and personal, Castiel never imaged it like this. He didn’t think that he would be seeing The Marking for a really long time, and yet there he was, watching it very painfully happen.  With trembling hands, he leaned over the sink and started heaving and groaning. His head felt like it was about to split in two and his chest was about to explode.

The third letter finally finished inflicting pain on his chest when the fourth letter began.  A black line sketched upwards, the tattoo burning even more than the last three letters had. When it had reached a certain point, the line went in a diagonal line. Castiel couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ , tell his parents. He had been dreading this moment since he had gotten into high school, was relieved when there was no sign of The Marking through those four years. Now, he was back home, waiting for September to roll by and be able to go to college. But now, _now_ , he had to deal with that horrible tattoo, deal with the burden of having to be with a complete stranger.  The black line of death started to move upwards again. Then stopped, smoke still rising from the letters.

Castiel waited for the rest of the name, waited for the horrific pain that it brought along, but nothing came. Only those four, black, capital letters stood out on his chest.

That was the name. The name of the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. As horrible as it sounded, Castiel hoped his _“soul mate”_ would get the tattoo instead of him. But of course he was the one that would deal with that burden.

Other people, _normal_ people, felt joy at seeing the name tattooed on their chest. Castiel could do nothing but glare at the name. Glare at the four letters that formed the word, **_DEAN_**.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

When he woke up again that morning, Castiel was glad that it was to the smell of bacon and eggs. It felt so good to be back home, and Castiel knew he was still delirious from the pain when he realized that _he was glad to be home_. After the first ten freak-out minutes of finding out his freaking _soul mates’_ name (god that sounds ridiculous), Castiel had tucked himself into bed and fell asleep. He was amazed at how fast he was able to drift off into sleep again, but he hadn’t even bothered to put on a shirt. Now he regretted it. Castiel looked down at his chest to see that the skin around the newly applied tattoo was still slightly red. Stupid tattoo. Stupid soul mate crap. Stupid _“Dean”_ and his righteousness that meant that Castiel was supposed to suffer and struggle just to find him. And it’s a _him_. Castiel never considered a future with a guy or anybody really. He _really_ wasn’t looking forward to what his mother had to say, especially Gabriel.

He made his way into the kitchen, which was conveniently right outside his room. Gabriel was pouring chocolate milk into the bowl with Fruit Loops in it, Anna was reading some fancy book about a dead guy with a German name, and his father was typing away on his computer. Typical Saturday morning.

 Castiel sat on the table next to Gabriel. He eventually had to take away the chocolate milk away from his older brother when he started chugging the gallon like at a frat party.

“Mornin’ sunshine.” Gabriel was stuffing the cereal into his mouth, not wanting anybody to take his food.

“Good morning. Good morning Anna.” She kept reading but gave a slight nod to indicate that she had heard.

His father furiously typed out the last words of whatever obscure book he was writing.

“This one. This one is different, and I can _feel_ it,” his father exclaimed.

“Yeah, this one for sure will get you into loony town.” Gabriel shoved cereal into his mouth and then proceeded to shove a lollipop in, too.  Chuck just ignored him. He was all smiling and being cheery and it honestly scared Castiel. His father had been an alcoholic for most of Castiel’s childhood and he still had the once in a while whiskey in the morning.  His mother hated his father’s line of work but the rest of the family was pretty impressed. Castiel wasn’t an exception.

“Why is it crazy when I write _my_ books and Ana can read those weird biographies and not get judged?”

“Because the people that write the books are _actually_ interesting.” Ana still had her nose pressed to her book but the slightest smile spread on her lips.

“Oh! Hey dad, you want some ice for that burn?!” Gabriel said mockingly.

“Very original.”

Castiel wasn’t crazy about his family but he loved being back home.  Every floorboard creaked; the air conditioner was broken during the sweaty summers but blasting cold air during the freezing winter; the house couldn’t go a day without his mother screaming at Gabriel or Ana, always dragging the three of them to church and to deal with the company. Castiel was still VERY unclear on what his mother did, he didn’t bother asking. Even after all the things he could do without, every single fight that took months to resolve and he couldn’t forget, Castiel loved home.

The rest of the morning was spent with Gabriel messing with Ana, resulting in her lifting his cereal bowl and dumping it on top of Gabriel’s head and making him wear the bowl like a hat. All while still reading.

It was the last day before he had to go Kansas and attend his first year of college. He was excited but also _dreading_ tomorrow. Castiel had gone through The Marking the day before he went off to college, meaning he was going to find the person he was going to “spent the rest of his life with.” Again, stupid “ _Dean_.”

He had started putting his luggage and other boxes into his car when his mother parked next to him in the driveway. Of course he was planning on saying goodbye to his mom before he left, but he was kind of hoping that it would be when he was already out of the county and he would see his mother across the stoplight going in different directions.

Naomi wanted her three kids to be successful. She had already failed to lead Chuck into a paying job and didn’t want her children to follow in his footsteps. Meaning she deprived them of their free will and brainwashed them into the company. Yet here he was, on his way to college and away from his mother.

“Castiel, what are you doing?” Naomi was wearing the same grey woman’s suit she always wore and that bun that made her look like a private school principal, just as scary.

“I’m getting ready to go mother. I told you weeks ago that I was leaving today.”

“I didn’t think you were serious.” Of course she didn’t.

“Well, I was and still am.”

She was pressing her lips together and had her arms folded. Castiel knew that look all too well. “You’re going to miss church tomorrow.” Naomi tried to change the source of her anger but Castiel knew her judgment tactics well.

“Mom, it’s in Kansas. It’ll take you less than 3 hours to get there by plane. I’ll make sure to visit every weekend.” He _was_ planning on keeping that promise, but his mother was scaring him out of it.

It was intense for a couple of seconds. She glared at the car, at the boxes he still had to pack, at him. Castiel just wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there.

“I’m expecting for you to call every night.  When you come for the weekend, be here by breakfast.”

“I will, I promise.” And she hugged him. Castiel was a little weirded out; she was stiff and patted his back awkwardly. Eventually, he hugged back. He couldn’t even breath, afraid the moment would end and she would back away, just ending the moment.

It got awkward at some point and trying to salvage the moment Naomi kissed the top of his head. “I am SO proud of you, Castiel. SO proud of what you’re doing.”

His heart swelled with those words. They weren’t the touchy-feely type, but he felt horrible not telling his mother about the tattoo. It was supposed to be an amazing moment in his life and he had nobody to share it with. The moment quickly passed.

Castiel coughed and Naomi stepped away.

“Make sure to visit next weekend.”

“I will.” She headed inside and Castiel packed the last box into his car. Hours later he was outside of Montana and on his way to college, those long 16 driving hours already straining him.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Castiel had gotten there by midnight and had stayed in a hotel near the campus. Orientation was that Sunday, classes beginning that Monday. He wanted to get settled in to his dorm and be prepared for his classes.

The next day, he was in the campus, looking at the clubs he wasn’t going to join, sports he wasn’t going to do, and meeting people he was sure he wasn’t going to talk to. College was going to be a hoot.

His roommate was a guy with a mullet. Was his name Smoke? Castiel wasn’t able to catch his name very well because that was when he had fallen onto his bed face first. His other suitemates were chattier than him, introducing themselves then yelling some nonsense and other guys from the hallway started yelling too. The whole floor had joined in the yelling when Castiel had left the building and had walked to the cafeteria, where he took his I.D. picture and got his schedule.

Monday finally rolled by and he was off to his first class. Castiel so far loved the campus. It was quiet and most people were still wearing their pajamas. College life.

 He was looking at all the people passing by and the beautiful colors of the trees when his tattoo began to throb. It wasn’t unpleasant but it still worried Castiel. He tried to push the feeling away but it just kept throbbing. With every step, the throbbing became harder but it still didn’t hurt him, but he felt like everyone around him could hear it.

Castiel was passing a small park when the throbbing finally began to hurt. Castiel looked around, glaring at every passing face until his eyes landed on a couple. They were making out, making Castiel wonder how the hell they could even _breathe._ No, Castiel did NOT want that. He didn’t want to share saliva and air with another human being. He couldn’t understand why his tattoo was burning like that, but he couldn’t take his eyes away from them. It was like a car crash in slow motion; you were able to see the accident and couldn’t do a thing about it.

They were _really_ going to town there. Castiel was just looking at them when the guy opened his eyes. Castiel didn’t look away and the guy didn’t stop making out with his girlfriend. It was weird but the throbbing just became more accelerated, excited even.

After a few seconds of awkward staring, the guy pulled the girl away from his face and said something to her. She nodded and gave him a last peck before heading towards an old building. The guy watched her leave before he turned to look at Castiel again. He was leaning against a 3- foot- tall wall and had his hands in his black leather jacket. Castiel rubbed at his tattoo before walking off. Curiosity won him over as he looked back and saw the guy still looking at him.

Castiel pushed away the huge sign that had popped up in his mind and kept walking, making his way towards the building with his first class.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean slid out from underneath the car and walked towards the back of his work station, trying to clean his greasy hands with the rag he always had in his back pocket but failing miserably. He really needed a shower.

He picked up his phone from the toolbox and pressed it to his ear, not even bothering to check who was calling.

“Yeah.” Dean cradled his phone with his shoulder as he tried again to clean his hands.

“There’s no pecan pie but there _is_ blueberry. That okay?”

“I don’t know Sammy. Why don’t you cut your hair and then we can talk.”

His younger brother huffed out a laugh from the other line while Dean finally somewhat cleaned the grease off.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Damn right you will.” Dean walked out of the workshop into the parking lot. It was a nice day, not a single cloud in the ocean of blue. There was a slight breeze that made Dean regret leaving his jacket inside. He walked over to his Impala and leaned against it, taking the pack of smokes out of his left back pocket. Sam hated when Dean smoked, but being the little dipshit rebel that he was, he smoked whenever he could squeeze in the time.

“I’m about finished anyway so I’ll be there in about 20.”

“Take your time, I’m in no hurry.” There was a chorus of laughter in the background. Dean huffed in a deep drag of his cigarette and slowly let it crawl out of his mouth. Soon he had forgotten about the breeze, feeling warm inside and out.

“Who the hell’s in the background?” A girl was giggling on the other line and Sam was trying to silence her with a hush.

“What? Nobody.” A girl’s muffled voice was quickly cut off, maybe by Sam’s giant hand. “Why would you ask?”

“Because Sammy, it sounds like you’re at a Metallica concert in the middle of Sandman.”

Again, a chorus of laughter erupted in the background, but this time Sam joined in. Dean smiled to himself. He’d known for a while that there was a girl, his brother showering more than usual and always making sure to have mints in his back pack. He smiled over the cigarette as he took another pull, deeper than the last one.

“Well, I’ll get there in half an hour. Make sure to be wearing pants when I get there.”

“What?! I-“

“Bye Sammy.” He hanged up and looked up at the sky. A few clouds had appeared since last time he had looked. Dean let the cigarette hang at the edge of his mouth as he flipped through his contacts. He landed on ‘ _Ash_ ’ and pressed call. It took a few rings for him to pick up but when he did, Dean regretted ever having called.

“Doctor Sexy in the house, how may I service your needs?”

“Hopefully with pants on, Ash.”

“Sure, if you swing that way.”

“Ash, come on, it’s Dean.”

“I know pretty boy. What’s up?”

Dean, in spite of himself, laughed. Ash was one of his closest friends. Maybe even his best friend, but he’d _never_ admit to that. Worlds would collapse, the apocalypse would start, Ash would rub it in Dean’s face for the rest of eternity. Too much was at risk to admit that truth.

“Where are you? Sam’s busy and I’m about done at the shop. TELL me you’re not busy and can meet up.”

“I’m at the library right now if you wanna come where all the bookworms live.”

“You’d never catch me in that fucking place.”

“Sacrifices need to be made to party with the doctor _muchacho._ So you comin’?”

Dean could’ve lied and said that he was working an extra hour but Garth would just tell Ash if he was asked. But the library? _Seriously?_ It wasn’t even the sexy kind that he saw in pornos. Not even the fancy kind that _had_ porn magazines. No, it was that _fancy_ university library that had books made by guys that died 40 years ago. That sounded like a joy ride.

“Fine, I’ll stop by, but Jo better be there or I’m gone.”

“She IS here so quite whining and get your ass over here pronto.”

The line cut off and Dean put his phone back in his pocket. He had already finished with the car and his shift didn’t end in another 5 minutes. Dean cherished those minutes by closing his eyes and inhaling as much as he could, holding to it for a few heartbeats until he let the smoke drift off into the air. It felt good. It felt _right._

Smoking was the only thing he was able to control, not like the damn _soulmate_ crap. He had been dating Lisa for a few months now and she had already gone through The Marking. She wouldn’t spill but Dean knew it wasn’t him. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the _why_ Lisa was still with him if she knew her soulmates name. Whenever he asked she would smile and toy around, asking Dean how he was so sure it wasn’t him. He always smiles and kisses her, avoiding the real answer he didn’t dare admit.

Truth was, Dean loved Lisa. She made him happy in ways others didn’t. She was the happiness he needed through his misery, the light through his darkness. If they had been soulmates, Dean would’ve gotten his tattoo the moment he realized he loved her. Yet, he still didn’t have his tattoo. Why admit you love someone who is destined to love someone else?

Dean took another long drag from his cigarette, closing his eyes and enjoying the way his lungs expanded and filled with smoke. He _hated_ overthinking everything.

His black watch beeped, indicating the end of his shift. He took one final drag before letting the smoke out once more and stomping on the cigarette against the concrete. He headed back inside quickly to get his leather jacket and the keys to the Impala, soon driving away from the workshop.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Sam, inevitably, tagged along on the trip to the library, wanting to check out the big campus library.

When he first got in the car, he made this whole scene of chocking and gagging.

“Dean! You said you’d _at least_ try to stop smoking.”

“Stop being such a fucking drama queen, you can’t even smell it.” Sam just gave a classic bitch face, Dean already knowing to ignore it and change the subject. It always worked.

When they got to the library, there were thousands of bookshelves and students milling about. Fucking nerds, second day and already hitting the books.

Sam and Dean looked around for a while until he spotted that horrible mullet. He had already given up on Sam but Dean believed he could still save Ash. One day maybe.

 When they reached the table, Dean ruffled Ash’s hair, who didn’t seem to mind in the least and patted Jo on the shoulder. Charlie was also there, her girlfriend Dorothy right next to her. Sam sat next to Ash and started asking questions about the school. _Fucking nerd,_ Dean thought fondly, a smile spreading across his face.

Dean was about to sit down when he felt a chill run down his spine. The same kind of chill he had gotten yesterday. He looked around, the smile turning into a frown. He looked around at all the tables and the bookshelves, when a guy walked out from between the farthest bookshelves to him and sat down on the nearest table.

That guy. Dean _knew_ that guy. It was the creep from the park, watching him. He kept glaring at him, wondering who the hell that guy was, when the same thing happened. The dude’s hand shot to his chest, where his heart was, and started to look around the room, a panicked look on his face. He was frantically looking until his eyes landed on Dean, who was still looking, but now his face was submerged in complete curiosity.

Dean got another chill, one that travelled down to his feet, while the guy kept massaging his chest. Or rubbing his nipple? They kept staring at each other but it was the other guy who broke off the staring contest. It looked like he was in pain, putting his head down between the crook of his elbow. Was he shaking?

Dean wanted to walk over to him and check if he was okay, ask if he needed anything. Just as Dean took his first step towards him, the guy got up and left the room in a rush, the only sign of him ever being there being his books.

“Hey, Dean!” Ash yelled right next to his ear.

“Holy fuck dude. What?” He shoved a finger into his ear, trying to stop the ringing in his ears. He was pretending like Ash’s scream had caused the ringing, but that had started as soon as his and the guy’s eyes had met.

“What’s the matter with you? You’ve been standing there like a damn zombie or something.”

Dean looked at Ash, then at the table. Everyone was staring at him, worried looks on their faces.

“Nothing, just…” He trailed off, looking back at the spot where the mystery dude had been. “I thought I saw someone I knew.” He turned back and gave what he thought was a convincing smile, sitting next to Jo. He had gotten in a conversation with her when he looked over at Sam. He was searching Dean, calculating the possible reasons why he was acting weird. He glared back for a few seconds before turning back to Jo and laughing at a joke he hadn’t heard.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

They had gotten back home right before dinner, sneaking in through the back door and going to their rooms quietly. Hopefully John hadn’t gone looking for them. He usually got home and locked himself in his study until dinner, eating hastily and then locking himself away again. Dean had bought pizza and some hot wings for Sam and him, going to the kitchen and making his dad a hamburger. His dad liked home-made food, but Sam liked eating junk food with his older brother. Who was Dean to complain?

“Sam! Come on its starting!” Dean set both plates down on the coffee table and turned up the volume of the TV, the catchy tune making Dean’s head dance.

The heavy footsteps of his huge brother soon entered the living room and his weight bounced Dean slightly in his seat on the couch. They picked up their plates and, in syncretism, yelled, “NUTCRACKER!” as the show began. It was their tradition to watch the show every night, even if Sam had homework or Dean had the late shift at the shop. They always found a way.

They were just getting settled in when a door slammed against a wall. _Well, shit._

John’s lumbering form appeared at the bottom of the staircase. “Do you fucking mind?”

“Sorry dad,” the Winchester brothers said, looking down at their plates.

“Damn right you should be sorry. Unlike _some_ people, I actually work instead of wasting whatever brain cells I have left watching TV.”

Of course John was talking about him. The disappointment of the family, the evil to the world, Dean Winchester.

“Look at me when I speak to you.”

Dean dared give a sideways glance to Sam, already looking at their dad with a scared look on his face, and then looked up at his dad.

“Where the hell were you? Didn’t think I’d notice you two gone for hours? You were supposed to come home after YOUR shift ended,” he sharply pointed at Dean, “and when YOU got out of school,” he pointed at Sam. “You forget that you have obligations in this house?”

“No sir.” What else was there to say?

“Dean.” Dean looked up and saw his dad holding out his hand. He walked over to his father and took the money that was in his hand. “Get me these supplies from the store. And don’t think I won’t notice at what time you get home cause’ I will.” John gave him a list, crossing his arms and glaring at Dean. He was waiting for him to leave. Dean walked over to the coat hanger and got his black leather jacket off the hook. He was about to walk out when he heard his dad instruct Sam to clean up and head to his room.

Now their night was ruined. Fantastic.

Dean got in his Impala and began driving, farther and farther away from the store.

By 11 he had arrived at the Roadhouse parking lot. He had a few dollars on him and could _really_ use a drink.

Jo and Ash were working the late shift today, which was weird because it was a Tuesday and nobody was in the bar. In the real world, NOBODY went drinking or clubbing on a damn Tuesday.

Ellen was behind the bar and, like in a movie, was cleaning the counter with a rag.

“Dean, honey, what the hell are you doing here?” She walked over to the bottles, already guessing his visit. Jo and Ash sat at either end of him on the stools.

“I am here to drink.” Dean slid the money onto the counter.

“Dean, you know you don’t need that here.”

“Then I’LL take it,” Ash said as he swiped the money from under Dean’s hand. He wasn’t in the mood to fight against him; he just took the whiskey gingerly and gulped it down in one long gulp. Jo, Ash, and Ellen watched him drink it, not saying a word and Dean feeling grateful of that. He put the cup back on the counter and signaled for another. On the third glass, the three of them had joined him and drank a glass of whiskey each. Dean was already on his fifth one and counting. Tonight was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

_Fucking shit_ was the first thing to pop into Castiel's head when loud thumping woke him up in the middle of the night. It was dark but the light from the outside hallway leaked through from the living room and into his room. Two bodies crammed the doorway, one of them practically falling over.

“Come on Dean, you have legs for a reason.”

“Yeah, to spread ‘em.” The guy that was _clearly_ drunk started to laugh hysterically.

“Fucking hilarious, Dean.” That was his roommate Ash. Castiel rolled over in his bed to look at Ash drop the guy onto his bed.

“What the hell’s going on?” His voice was still groggy from sleep.

“This drunken fuck can’t take his liquor good.”

The guy thrashed on the bed like a fish out of water until he was lying on his chest. Castiel recognized that face, but he was WAY too sleepy and tired to process it at that moment.

“Why is _he_ staying here?”

“I have the late night shift today so I’ll stay at the Roadhouse for the night.” Ash took the guy’s boots off while the guy rubbed his face against the pillows.

Castiel _knew_ that guy. As soon as the memory, the realization, dwelled on him, he was drifting back into oblivion. The last thing Castiel saw was the guy drooling on the pillow and snoring like a tractor.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It took a while for his eyes to adjust. Light filtered in through the drawn shades, casting shadows around the room. Castiel rubbed his hands against his face, trying to shake off the morning grogginess. He turned to the right and checked the clock on his nightstand. It was barely 6. _Crap._ He turned back to the bed on his left but froze. Why was this happening to him?

How did it _barely_ hit him now? Ash kept repeating his name last night but only NOW did it hit him.

He was sitting on the bed, his feet propped by the edge of the bed frame. He had his elbows pressed to his knees, his thumbs pressed under his chin while both his index fingers were against his lips. He was frowning at Castiel as he sat up on his bed and frowned back.

“You’re the weirdo from the park,” the guy mumbled.

“I’m not usually known by that name.”

“And you’re the nipple-rubber from the library.”

“What?”

The guy sprang from the bed and leaned in WAY too close to Castiel. He backed away as much as he could without falling off the bed, but the other guy just leaned in closer. Their noses were very close to touching and he had one knee on top of the mattress.

“Do you usually rub your nipples in public?” _Yeah, this guy’s still drunk._ He rippled with the smell of whiskey and a hint of vodka.

They stared at each other. Castiel was REALLY proud of himself at that moment; his tattoo was burning and his heart was beating a thousand miles an hour, yet he stared down the guy without even blinking.

Just as fast as he had leaped onto Castiel’s bed, he was grabbing his boots and rushing into the living room.  That could not, could NOT, be the same Dean. _Then why was your tattoo burning?_ Shut up Castiel.

He took his time dressing himself, wanting, _praying,_ that Dean had left the suite. Why did bad things ALWAYS happen to him? When he left his room and entered the living room, he couldn’t help the groan that escaped from him. Dean was splayed on the couch, his suitemates Samandriel and Benny sitting on the arm chairs.

Everyone turned to look at Castiel and smiled a greeting, everyone except Dean who was rubbing his temples and scrunching his face.

“Hey Cassie, you’re up early.”

“Please, just call me Castiel.” He already had one person calling him Cassie and that was enough to last him a life time. With every extra second he spent in the room, his tattoo throbbed more and more. Castiel held his sweater closer to his body, convinced everyone would be able to see through the four layers of clothing he had put on and be able to see the mark.

“Okay…” Benny turned back to the TV. So much for Castiel’s social skills.

He gave Dean one last glance, regretting it immediately when the searing pain consumed his chest. Castiel was kind of getting used to it at this point. He had a few hours to spare before his first class and he definitely wasn’t going to spend it in that room.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Gabriel had mentioned the record store as a joke, _never_ expecting Castiel to actually go to it. But there he was, in front of the small shop with his backpack slung over his shoulders.

It was dark and musty inside the shop, dust rising with every step he took. Castiel wasn’t much of a music type but Ana was. He wanted to get her a nice present she could really enjoy.

As he walked over to the counter and saw the display of bongs, Castiel wasn’t so sure that place was so reliable. Thanks Gabriel, for all your helpful advice even when you’re miles away.

He walked through the stacks of records pilling on top of each other hastily, flipping through a few records that caught his attention but quickly putting them back down once he saw the song names.

Castiel had made it towards the back of the record store when a small bell rang. The front door had opened and, oh look, _Dean_ strolled inside with a huge smile on his face. Again, thanks Gabriel. He didn’t know HOW he did it, but Castiel was sure Gabriel had set this entire thing up. Castiel hid himself behind a shelf of records and tried to flip through it. One album cover got his attention; an old man writing on what seemed to be a scroll with a feathered pen. He looked at the back cover and glanced at the songs. “ _Opus Insert.”_ He didn’t know what the HELL that meant. “ _Miracles out of Nowhere.”_ Something his mother might enjoy.

“I was looking all over town for that album and look who found it.”

 _Of fucking course._ Castiel slowly turned, hoping to see nobody there and realizing that he was going crazy, but no, there he was. The black leather jacket, the morning-after scruff, the messy light brown hair tossed in a way that was _obviously_ on purpose.

“This one?” No other words came to mind with pounding on his chest. _I get it tattoo, now shut the hell up._ The damn tattoo ignored him and throbbed even more.

“Yeah, can’t live in Kansas and not own a Kansas’ album.”

Castiel looked back down at the cover, as if just noticing that fact. He just really wanted to avoid the guy’s eyes.

“I didn’t know that was the logic behind it.”

“Good thing I’m here.”

“I thought my sister would like it. Looks like something she would like.”

“Well,” Dean shoved his hands into his pants’ pockets and leaned against the shelve, “it’s something _I_ would like too.”

“Then it seems we’re at a stale mate.” Castiel got the courage to look back at Dean who hadn’t taken his eyes away from him. Why did he have to do that? Was he _purposefully_ trying to put him in pain?

“You WERE here first, but I know the band better,” Dean reasoned.

“Then we’ll have to choose.” Castiel stood straighter and looked directly at Dean, determined not to back down. Dean apparently took that as a challenge, standing up straight and leaning his head down a bit, his eyes hooded by his long lashes.

“Well who’s gonna make that choice Sophie?”

 _Damn it._ Castiel lost his demeanor with that statement. He tilted his head to the right and squinted at Dean. It seemed like he was going to explain what he meant but then thought otherwise.

“I could find another album, you could have this one.” Castiel just wanted to get away from the guy before his chest set on fire.

“Wow, really? That’s – that’s fucking stupid,” Dean said through a laugh. It was a laugh that made him lean forward and kick his boot against the floor.

Even with the connotation of the words, Castiel couldn’t help but smile. Now his tattoo didn’t burn, but it sent chills all throughout his body. Dean looked back up to him with a smirk. “Thanks, that’s pretty cool.”

Castiel started to walk away and looking through another shelf but he looked up to see Dean still looking at him.

“Yes?”

“My name’s Dean.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“I thought that after you watching me so many times, it was about time we introduced ourselves.”

Castiel could feel heat flush his cheeks. “I WASN’T watching you. It was just random glances.” He looked back down at the stack of records, trying to focus on finding the right album.

“Hey, I’m not complaining. I like being watched. Just, you know, don’t rub your nipple next time.” Castiel’s head snapped upwards. He knew his eyes were wide and his mouth slightly opened, but he didn’t know that was comical. Apparently it was since Dean laughed. A full, bent backwards, eyes closing shut and throaty laugh. Dean kept laughing for a good two minutes until he finally calmed down, pressing his hands to his stomach as if the laughing had strained him.

“You look better than you did this morning,” Castiel tried at small talk.

“Oh you flatter me.” Pleasant silence.

“You never said your name.” The sudden change of subject wasn’t as weird as Dean leaning his arms on top of the albums and leaning in closer to Castiel.

“Castiel. Castiel Novak.”

“Well, James Bond, nice to meet you. I guess I’ll see you around.” And just like that, he was gone, outside the shop and into the car parked outside. He was able to see him leave through the window, his tattoo throbbing until the car turned the corner.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He had spent more time than expected at the library, getting home at about 20 minutes until 12. Castiel was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed, but destiny just hated his damn guts. As he walked in through the door to the suite, a chorus of yelling and cheering slapped him in the face. The guys were gathered around the couch and arm chairs, each with a remote in hand. Dean was there, drinking a beer and laughing hysterically. The morning’s hangover couldn’t stop the guy from drinking that night.

“Castiel! We were wondering what strip club you had passed out on.” The guys laughed and Castiel awkwardly smiled and headed towards his room. When he entered, he saw a CD case on top of his pillowcase. Carefully, Castiel picked it up and looked down at it, but it had no title or anything.

He walked over to his stereo and placed the CD in the slot, waiting a second until the opening chorus began. It was a little long but then words flowed from the speakers.

_“There's a reason for all that rhymes,_   
_it's the fact and the way of the times_   
_It's moving emotion, it's high and it's low,_   
_no matter where you go..."_


	4. Chapter 4

Dean didn't want to get up that Saturday morning.  He had been working the late shift at the shop that whole week and he wanted to sleep in at least that one day.

His alarm clock was blaring on the night stand and no matter how many times Dean pressed down on it with so much force it was a surprise it wasn’t broken yet, it kept dancing on the night stand like in a cartoon. No use for it now, he stood up and finally quieted the damn alarm. Even if he tried to go to sleep, he wouldn’t be able to drift off again. _Great. Just… Great._

Today was the only day he had off and he was really looking forward to it. Ash had mentioned throwing a party at the dorms; Cas was visiting his family back in Montana and since he wasn’t going to be there with the stick up his ass, they were _really_ taking advantage of the moment. A party sounded good if it wasn’t for the fact that Dean was lacking his usual four hours of sleep. But he wasn’t the type of person to lay around in bed till all hours either. Guess he was going to a party later that night.

Sam was eating cereal and watching some TV about a single mother with her teenage daughter.

“Hey Sammy,” he sat down next to him on the couch and picked up the bowl of cereal from the coffee table.

“Hey.” Sam tried to casually change the channel but Dean was quicker than that. He plucked the remote from his little brother’s giant hand and stretch it out of reach.

“Hey now, the episode JUST started, don’t you want to see what happens to the soda shop?”

Sam glared at him, evenly replying, “OR we can flip it Dr. Sexy M.D. and you can catch me up on that.”

“Hey!” Dean pointed at Sam with the hand that still had the remote, “that was ONE time and I was channel surfing.”

After a couple of minutes of arguing, they settled for watching The Big Bang Theory, both laughing at the jokes and guiltily checking Penny out. At 15 past 10, Sam was nagging Dean and begging for him to take him to the library. Dean had had enough of the library to last him a life time, but eventually he gave in to his brother’s puppy look. How the hell was he supposed to say no to that little fucker?

They might as well have eaten breakfast hours ago, because Dean was pulling up into a McDonald’s drive-thru on the way to the library. He wasn’t a big fan of the apple cream pie, but Dean still order three, practically biting Sam’s hand off when he tried to get one.

Dean wasn’t going to spend the whole Saturday in a fucking library, so he dropped off Sam and started to drive around town. Where the hell could he go?

In a few minutes he was parked outside of a small townhouse that he had often visited in the depths of night. He waited after ringing the doorbell, when the door was swung open. Dean felt his face swell in a massive smile as he looked down at the girl that had opened the door.

“Dean.” Lisa tried to act casual but when Dean pulled her towards him by the hips and kissed her, she completely forgot and latched her arms around his neck, as if planning to never let go. Dean was more than fine with that.

“Hey.” They rested their foreheads together for a while, breathing in the same air.

“Come in.” She led him towards the living room by the hand and threw him on the couch, falling on top of him and kissing him furiously. The air was sucked out of his lungs as he ran his hands up and down her body, enjoying the curves her body offered.

They had never had had sex, which a lot of people found surprising. If they had sex, that would mean Lisa taking off her shirt and revealing her tattoo, revealing that Dean wasn’t her soulmate. He was fine with just making out and cuddling. That’s why he had porn, right…?

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It was ten when Dean entered the heart of the party in Suite 10. Kegs and coolers lined against a wall, people either dancing or talking over the music. Lisa had come with him but ditched him as soon as they had gotten out of the car. Gave him time to find Ash.

Of course when he set off to find Ash he shouldn’t have immediately assumed he would be dancing. It was stupid of Dean to think Ash was anywhere else but being held upside down and drinking from a keg through a long tube. Silly Dean. He stood back and chuckled to himself as people started chanting Ash’s name over and over again until he righted himself and burped loudly.

“WOO!” Everyone was cheering and clapping Ash on the back. Dean was clapping along with the rest of the audience when a body crashed against him.

“HEY! I’VE BEEN LOOKING _EVERYWHERE_ FOR YOU!” Lisa was screaming louder than what was necessary. Dean almost fainted when the smell of alcohol it him. They were there for less than ten minutes and she was already drunk.

“Lisa, what the hell did you drink?”

“I HAVE NO IDEA BUT I _LOVED_ IT!” She was jumping and throwing her arms around his shoulders, trying to pull him down for a kiss.

“Damn it,” Lisa was making it very difficult to stand, “Why would you drink something you don’t know what the fuck it was?”

“ _Because,”_ and now she was whispering, _“when something is REALLY good, you don’t ask questions.”_

Then she was laughing like a maniac. Dean always worried about Lisa when she got drunk, acting out of her mind.

“Okay, you need to calm down.”

“NO.”

“Let’s lay you down on a bed.”

“Yeah, come on.” Dean grabbed her by the shoulders and led her to Ash’s room. It was dark in the room; Ash’s bed was a disaster. Yup, he wasn’t going to let Lisa lay on that bed. Cas’ bed was neatly made, could’ve bounce a coin on the bed covers, but soon it was a mess too when Lisa thrashed on top of it.

He was about to walk away but Lisa grabbed his wrist and pulled him on top of herself.

“Lisa come on.”

“No Dean, YOU come on.” She was kissing his neck and trying to take off his leather jacket. If she was sober he knew she would never be doing this.

“ _Lisa._ ” He was fighting her but gave her small kisses to distract her while trying to pry himself away. Lisa was grinding up against him and, even though Dean knew was COMPLETELY wrong, was making it harder for him to want to get out of the room. “Lisa, come on.” She kept giggling and biting his lower lip. _Damn it._

Dean was trying to pry himself away, he really was, and he tried even more when he heard the bedroom door.

He felt his blood turn icy cold when he turned to see who it was.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Castiel had arrived back in Montana at 9, right before breakfast just like he promised. Gabriel was eating a chocolate flan, who knew where the hell he got it from, while Ana poured herself a cup of coffee. His parents weren’t in the kitchen but the noises from upstairs indicated that they were upstairs.

“Cassie! You’re home!” Gabriel was way too happy to see Castiel, but he couldn’t help the happiness that swelled in his chest when he saw his brother. Ana ran towards him and gave him a hug, knocking off the backpack he had strung over one shoulder.

“Finally you’re home. My mom has been going crazy this whole week without you in the house. She’s been picking on us this whole week.”

“Sorry. I guess I should have come between the week and just driven the night.”

“So selfish. Much disappointment.” Gabriel and his cryptic wording.

Castiel sat at the dinner table, his parents entering the kitchen with huge scowls on their faces.

“I don’t CARE what the hell happened with your family, you can’t just leave me to go to that meeting alone Chuck!”

“Naomi, my father is getting remarried. I HAVE to be there.”

“No you don’t. He’s getting remarried to another MAN. He’s probably going to be too drunk to realize you didn’t make it anyway.”

The three Novaks tried to blend to the background as best they could so their parents didn’t realize they were there.

“Oh, what, NOW you’re not okay with dad being gay?”

“I never did _honey.”_

And there it was, what Castiel had been dreading. He knew his mom was religious out of her mind but he kind of hoped his mom would have kept that part of the bible away from their lives.

“Is this why we’re married? So we could argue every day at all times?”

“We’re married because for some god forsaken reason God thought we were meant to be together for the rest of eternity.”

The discussion had taken on a darker turn that Castiel knew they weren’t meant to hear.

“I can’t even believe we ended up together. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with a _successful_ man, not a low life like you.”

“And we are back to that.” Chuck was packing up his work bag while Naomi calmly sipped her cup of coffee.”

“I mean look at your children.” She looked at the three of them still sitting at the table, looking like dears in front of headlights, “they are complete screw ups too.”

“Don’t you dare bring the kids into this conversation.”

“Gabriel for one is already 25 and can’t even live on his own,” Gabriel solemnly nodded to himself, “Ana will most likely pay rent with one dollar bills the way she dresses,” his younger sister looked down at her clothes self -consciously, “and Castiel is not even smart enough to get into a _decent_ college.”

Chuck looked beyond mad. Naomi stared him down, the most infuriatingly calm look on her face.

“Okay mom, I think that’s enough.” Gabriel had stood up from his chair and spread his arms. “Can’t we all just get along?”

Naomi looked at Gabriel, anger rising in her eyes. “You couldn’t even cook yourself an egg to safe your life. Why do you get to live here at all?”

“Because I’m your son..?”

“Unfortunately.” This was not his mother. This wasn’t the same woman that had expressed her proudness to him before he left.

“Mom, calm down,” Castiel stood up now too.

“You can’t even get the name of your _soulmate._ I mean, Gabriel is a disappointment but at least he found his soulmate. Even Ana has her name. But you? Castiel, you will end up in the business with me because nobody will ever want to spend any time with you.”

“Mom that’s enough.” Gabriel was fuming. Castiel had never seen his brother act this way.

“I’m going to be late for work.” Naomi left the kitchen without looking back. Chuck huffed out a laugh before leaving through the back door, leaving the three Novaks alone in the kitchen. Ana looked ready to cry, Gabriel was still fuming, and Castiel was still trying to process what happened.

“I need some air.” Soon, Ana and Castiel were left alone. He sat next to his little sister and comforted her the best he could.

“She didn’t mean that.”

Ana hugged him tight and cried on his shoulder. “She’s been like this ever since you applied for college. I hate her sometimes.”

“Ana-“

“I think it’s time for you to leave.”

She stood up and ran up the stairs. Awesome family reunion.

He tried knocking on her door but she wouldn’t open. Eventually, he gave and did drive home

What the hell had just happened?

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Castiel was already in a pissy mood and the party didn’t help. As soon as he had walked in to his suite, all conversations haltered. It was obvious Castiel wasn’t supposed to know about this. He walked through the densely packed living room and opened his room’s door, only to be hit with a a wave of pain.

Dean was splayed on top of a girl who was grinding herself against him. ON CASTIEL’S BED. He reached to his chest and massaged at the burning tattoo, seeing smoke rise from his clothes. Dean froze when he saw Castiel, but the girl just kept going.

“Can you do that somewhere else please?”

Dean quickly reacted, lifting Lisa onto her feet and leading her towards the door. With every step Dean took towards him, the pain increased more and more, making Castiel dizzy and disoriented. As Dean passed Castiel, he felt himself lose his balance and fell against Dean.

“Wow!” Dean was able to keep them standing, grabbing Castiel by the shoulders, trying to stand him up straight. “Cas?” When he didn’t answer, Dean placed a timid hand on Cas’ cheek, making him look directly at him. His eyes were green. Had they always been green? “You okay man?” He wasn’t. The proximity, the _touching_ , was making Castiel heave and break into a sweat. His tattoo wasn’t burning anymore. It was breaking him apart. He could literally feel his flesh pulsing and vibrating. Castiel was denying his feelings or whatever that crap that was. He had read somewhere that when people denied their feelings for their soulmates it hurt them more than just being near them.

“Just leave.” Castiel pushed Dean out of the room and slammed the door shut. He was silently screaming into his pillow, the pain not even in the slightest decreasing. He had seen Dean making out with that girl before, why did it hurt so much now?

He was screaming into his pillow, pinching his chest and just trying to pass out before he died from the pain.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The whole room was quiet. Dean turned around to see everyone looking at him and then the room’s door. Lisa was leaning against a girl he recognized to be his friend. He felt horrible. When Cas had leaned against him, shivers had traveled throughout his whole body. Not the ones he had gotten when he had seen Cas at the record store. It was guilt.

“Okay, everybody out!” Nobody argued. They all left in a silent agreement.

“I better take the rest of the beer back to the Roadhouse,” Ash offered.

“Take Lisa down to the Impala?”

“Sure.” Ash was able to lead her away with little struggle since she was already falling asleep.

Dean hesitated before he entered the room.

“Cas?”

“What?” He was cradled up as a ball, his back to Dean. Cas was _definitely_ shaking.

“You okay?” _Of course he wasn’t fucking okay you idiot._

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Dean felt the conversation was over but he didn’t want to leave. So he didn’t. He sat down on Ash’s bed and waited. Cas eventually turned and glared at Dean.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” Cas bit.

“Making sure you’re actually okay.”

“I AM.” Cas turned his back on Dean again.

“Okay.” He didn’t move.

Cas sighed out irritably. He sat up on his bed and grimaced as he put his back to the wall.

“What’s up with your chest?”

The look of irritation melted from Cas’ face and was replaced with fear. “Thank you, for making sure I’m okay, but there’s a girl waiting for you in your car. Why don’t you make sure SHE’S okay?”

Dean would’ve been offended if it wasn’t for the desperation in Cas’ face, trying his hardest to get rid of Dean. He got up and walked towards the door.

“I’ll come by tomorrow to check up on you okay?”

“Not necessary.” Cas had already turned his back to Dean again. He closed the room door quietly and let out a heavy sigh. The rock of guilt was still heavy in his stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel lay in bed for an hour after having woken up. He could hear his other suitemates in the living room but they were being mindful of Castiel still in bed, keeping conversations quiet. He needed to get up eventually. There was no way to completely avoid everyone. He tried to sit up but his chest ached. Yesterday’s wave of pain had completely drained him and it had seeped his energy that day too. Castiel was still unsure why his tattoo had hurt so much more the day before than it ever had.

After another 30 minutes of sitting in bed, he finally made his way out of his room and into the living room. Ash and Samandriel were sitting on the arm chairs, still wearing their pajamas. Dean was there too, sitting on the middle of the couch with a cup of coffee on hand. That was a surprising twist.

His head was pounding and the smell of coffee drifted from the small kitchen. Castiel grabbed himself a cup and walked back to the living room. Dean noticed this time that he was in the room. Immediately, he lost the look of tranquil happiness to concern and guilt. Castiel shouldn’t be the one to feel bad, Dean was the one at fault here, _he_ should be the one apologizing.

Ash turned around and broke into a nervous smile.

“Hey Castiel.”

“Good morning.”

There was a palpable awkwardness in the room that could’ve been cut by a knife.

“Listen, Castiel, we’re-” Samandriel started, but Castiel was over it.

“I was supposed to stay the weekend at my parent’s house. I get why you did the party while I was supposedly in Montana.”

“So… You’re not mad?” Ash was looking from Dean to Castiel.

“No. I’m a little insulted that I wasn’t invited, but I’m not mad.” Castiel hadn’t spared to look at Dean, scared that his tattoo would start to burn. Thinking about it, he was scared that it would magically start glowing through his one shirt. He needed more layers. In the meantime, he put his right hand on his left shoulder in an attempt to look casual.

“Well _that’s_ a relief.” And Castiel was ignored after that. Ash was glad Castiel wasn’t mad and that was all he needed. He smiled to himself, unconsciously glancing in the direction of Dean, just to see him staring at Castiel. He REALLY needed more layers.

He drained his cup in a couple of gulps, his throat burning hot, and headed into the kitchen for a refill. Castiel filled his cup and almost dropped half of the coffee with the mini heart attack he had gotten; Dean was standing right behind him in the very small kitchen.

“Hey.” Dean was doing that thing he did when he leaned against the nearest object to his left (which was the fridge), and stuffed his hands in his front pants’ pockets.

“Hello, Dean.” It was dangerous holding a hot drink while Dean was around, Castiel found out, because he wanted to pour the liquid all over himself to overwhelm the pain of his tattoo.

“Are you feeling better?”

“I’ve seen better days.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Dean said through a smirk.

There was an awkward silence that was impossible to ignore in the small kitchen space. Dean kept adverting his eyes as Castiel kept staring at him. Dean was nervous. The macho man who had such an air of arrogance around him was nervous. He certainly was _something_.

Castiel took a step forward, trying to pass Dean through the small space when he moved right in front of Castiel.

“I’m sorry.”

They were really close, closer than they had been before in the tiny space. They were practically sharing the same air. Now Dean was timid. With his hands still in his pockets and his head bowed down, he looked like a small child who had just been scolded.

“About what?”

“For being a jackass mostly. I mean, Lisa was drunk and I wanted her to rest somewhere and better your bed than Ash’s.” THAT Castiel could understand.

Dean was still not looking at Castiel, and for some reason he found that endearing. WOW his tattoo had gotten a kick out of that statement, sending shivers and butterflies everywhere.

Castiel didn’t say anything, just kept staring at Dean, who was trying to form words. Castiel took the opportunity to really admire Dean. He had a sharp jawline, a gruff that made him look older than he really was. He had more freckles than Castiel could count. Castiel hadn’t notice that before; every time they were close, Castiel always tried to back away from Dean, but they had no room to run off to. And his eyes? The color of the leaves during spring.

“Um,-”

“We didn’t do anything,” Dean blurted.

“What?”

“Lisa and me, we didn’t do anything. I swear.” He was trying to explain himself. It was reassuring to know that Castiel wasn’t going to need to burn his mattress and sheets.

“I never said you did.”

“Yeah, I know but,” Dean was waving his left arm, trying to find the words that could better explain the situation, “I didn’t want you to think we were _doing_ anything. On YOUR bed. We weren’t doing anything on your bed. Or ANY bed, for that matter. I just-”

“Dean.” Castiel raised his hand. Dean was rambling and that was making him even more jittery than he already was. “It’s fine. You and Lisa didn’t do anything. I get it.”

Dean let out a heavy sigh of relief. “Good.” He started to smile. “Good. That’s good.” He finally backed out of the small space and headed towards the living room again. Castiel let the shiver run through his body. _Damn it tattoo._

Castiel left the kitchen and was about to enter his room, but the Dean called over to him.

“Come on, it’s a funny movie, make you feel a whole lot better.” He hesitated before accepting the offer and sitting on the couch next to Dean, a small but respectable distance from him.

“So why did you come home early?” Ash was stuffing his face with popcorn but still managed to ask.

“My family.”

“Hmm. Yeah, family sucks.”

“Tell me about it,” Dean solemnly agreed. He swung his arm and rested it on the couch, above Castiel’s head. His fingers brushed slightly against the nape of Castiel’s neck, tickling the small hairs there. Dean didn’t move his hand and Castiel didn’t move away. Castiel regretted ever having gotten out of bed that morning when he quickly covered his steaming tattoo.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Sam was extremely red when he got into the Impala.

“Hey Dean.” He was out of breath and smiling like crazy.

“Sup Sammy.” His brother was playing with his hands, pushing back his long hair, and overall just being a mess.

“Anything _interesting_ happen today?”

“Hmm?” Sam had a goofy smile on his face and was still shining red.

“What the hell’s gotten into you?”

“Well…” Sam looked down at his hands, his face going completely serious, and he looked at his older brother. “I’ve been talking to this girl, Jess, and she’s pretty much _awesome._ ”

This wasn’t the point Sam was trying to get at. “Yeah?”

“Today… Today she got her name…” The goofy smile was back on his face, a smile Dean didn’t often see his brother wear.

“No way.” Dean was happy, _ecstatic,_ at seeing how happy Sam was.

Dean was happy. OF COURSE he was happy for Sam. The poor kid had grown up in a dysfunctional family and deserved something good in his life. He hadn’t met Jess yet but any girl that made Sam _that_ happy was someone Dean was determined to like.

“She didn’t want to tell me at first but, I mean, who can say no to this face?” His little brother was trying to make a joke but his crimson face and shy smile said otherwise.

“Dude! That’s fucking awesome!” He clapped Sam on the back. They laughed and it felt awesome having to share this with his brother. “We have to fucking celebrate!”

They drove to the Roadhouse in a hurry and since it was still early on a Sunday, nobody was at the bar.

“Ellen! A round for everyone!”

“Dean, you tow are the only ones here.”

“Exactly.”

Ellen shook her head but handed Dean his beer and gave Sam a soda.

“What’s the big occasion?” Jo selected a song from the jukebox and walked over to the Winchesters.

“My soulmate got my name today,” Sam said with a sense of proudness.

“Oh my god! That’s awesome Sam!” And everyone was cheering, congratulating Sam and asking him about the girl. So far, she sounded like someone that was WAY out of Sam’s league. _Way to go Sammy._ Dean was happy for Sam, but he couldn’t help the small tinge of envy that he felt at the thought of Lisa already having her name and not being able to be with her soulmate. How could he make her stay with him when she was meant to be with someone else? How could he be so selfish? Dean forced a bigger smile on his face. He  _hated_ overthinking everything.


	6. Chapter 6

Economics was pretty much the most boring subject to be fabricated by man. The only reason Castiel even took that class was because his mother wanted him to have background knowledge for when he inevitably got into the company. He just loved the support he got from her.

Castiel hadn’t heard from anybody in his family since what had happened two days ago and he was worried. He had tried calling Gabriel but he never got connection. Ana had answered him once by mistake when he had called the house but she had made up a stupid excuse and hanged up.

The classroom was shaped like an auditorium and Castiel always sat in the five rows from the front of the class. He was staring off into space, not really listening to whatever the professor had to say, but was interrupted by the students turning around to look at the door.

“Ah, look who decided to show up,” the professor said from the stage.

“I am SO sorry I’m late,” Dean explained. Wait, _Dean_? “I am overslept and then my car wouldn’t start-”

“You don’t have to explain, just sit down and try to not interrupt again.”

“You got it.” Dean started to descend the steps and was frantically looking around. What the hell is he even _doing_ here? He didn’t know why, but Castiel raised his hand when Dean was about to pass his row.  Dean broke into a smile. He stepped on people’s feet and when they complained he put a finger on their lips and kept pushing through.

“Hey.” Dean sat next to Castiel and slouched in his seat, covering his face with one of Castiel’s textbooks.

“Dean?” Castiel whispered back.

“What are you doing right now?”

“I’m in class right now.”

“Good, so it’s nothing important.” People angrily hushed them but Dean just waved them off. Dean was about to speak but the professor noticed the commotion.

“How about the tardy answers the questions. So mister…?”

“Winchester,” he answered without taking his eyes away from Castiel. “ _You have to come with me. Now,_ ” he whispered.

“Okay Mr. Winchester, can you answer the question?”

“Why would I go with you?” Castiel was looking down at his notebook, trying to ignore the angry looks from everyone around him.

“Because I need your help Cas. Come on man you gotta help me.”

“Mr. Winchester?” The professor was getting impatient, the other students were still glaring at the both of them, and Dean was still behind Castiel’s textbook.

“Dean-”

“I’ll meet you outside.” Dean put the textbook down and looked at the board, really selling the whole ‘considering’ look. He was nodding his head and rubbing his chin. Castiel, and the half the people in the room, nearly jumped from their seats when Dean yelled “OH MY GOD!” and leaped from his seat, making his way up the stairs and out the door.

The professor stared at the door for a couple of seconds, turning his glare towards Castiel. Everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to say or do something.

“This,” Castiel got up and gave a nervous smile, “this isn’t math.” He awkwardly got up and almost died from the glares thrown at him as he ran out the door.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Castiel was practically fuming when he walked towards Dean, leaning against his black car and pulling a cigarette from his pack, who just gave a smirk.

“Ah, you came.”

“What the hell was that for?” Castiel stood in front of Dean, pulled out the cigarette from Dean’s mouth, and stepped on it.

“Hey!”

“Dean!”

“Fine. There could’ve been other methods to handle that situation but I really _do_ need your help.”

“On what?”

Dean quirked his eyebrows and gave another smirk, putting another cigarette into his mouth and walking towards his side. Castiel was still looking at Dean. He lit up the cigarette and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. Castiel coughed, trying to get Dean’s attention. He opened his eyes and laughed.

“You _really_ like to watch people don’t you?”

“You like to smoke.”

Castiel didn’t mean to, but the words just flew out of his mouth. Dean’s smile wavered, but he smiled even bigger. “Yeah. I could put it out if you want.”

“No it’s-it’s fine. But, you DO know how bad they are?”

Another deep inhale, Dean letting the smoke slowly crawl out his mouth, when he looked down at the cigarette between his fingers.

“Every year, 443,000 people die prematurely from smoking and another 8.6 million need to live the rest of their lives with a serious illness because of smoking.” Dean smirked and put the cigarette between his lips again. “Believe me; I know how bad they are.”

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

They drove in silence for a while until Castiel couldn’t take it anymore.

“So where are we going?”

Dean blew out smoke through the open window before answering. “We have three stops to make this evening before I take you back home.”

“It’s 10 in the morning,” Castiel pointed out but Dean quickly cut him off.

“First, we need to make a pit stop at a Gas ‘N Sip, then we have to attend a performance, which will afterwards be followed by a visit to the Roadhouse.”

“Okay, what performance?”

“You’ll be VERY pleased.” The huge smile on Dean’s face worried Castiel. He absentmindedly rubbed at his tattoo. It was quiet that day, and that worried him even more.

Dean pulled up into the Gas ‘N Sip and got out, gesturing for Castiel to do the same. They walked into the store and Dean immediately began grabbing anything and everything on the shelves, shoving candy bars into his mouth. Castiel was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to do that but was a little too scared to say anything.

They got all of their ‘supplies’, as Dean so nicely put it, and finally went to the cashier. Dean was still eating one of the candy bars but was so nice as to lean forward so the guy could scan the wrapper. The total of all their crap was $30. It came to $45.57 when Dean asked for all the mini pies they had.

“Okay,” he said when they got back in the car, “this was our first stop. Now, it’s time for the performance.” He checked his black watch. “We have 10 minutes before it starts.”

“What kind of performance is it?”

“Oh Cas, my dear friend, you are in for a treat today.”

“More than this?” Castiel held up one of the dozens of candy bars they had bought, which Dean plucked from his hand and stuffed it into his mouth. He didn’t want to admit it or encourage the idea, but Castiel was pretty sure his tattoo should burn right now. Weird.

Minutes later, they had arrived in the parking lot outside of a high school, which was packed with other cars.

“This is where the performance is?” Castiel asked skeptically.

“Oh yes.” Dean was grinning from ear to ear, practically shaking with excitement. Castiel only got more worried for his own safety.

All the hallways were empty, nobody to ask for directions which Dean _desperately_ needed, until they reached a paper with an arrow on it. The candy bars each of them had stuffed into their pockets were making a lot of noise as they reached the auditorium.

“Okay,” Dean turned around to look at Castiel, grabbing him by the shoulders and standing a little close, “get ready to see the performance of your life. It will outweigh ALL other performances you will EVER see.” It was official; Castiel was worried for his life.

When they entered the dark auditorium, Castiel had to hit Dean’s side with his elbow, who was laughing and just making a lot of noise. He pulled him towards some seats that were empty in the last row.

“Damn it, they already started.” Dean pulled the candy from his pockets and started eating, leaning eagerly forward with a shit-eating smile.

Castiel couldn’t help but stare. This guy, this serious man who was a mystery the more he got to know him, was such a happy little man. He was still staring when Dean turned to look at him.

“Hey,” he glared, “eyes on the stage.”  Castiel sighed but turned his attention towards the stage. He recognized it as **_Our Town_**. People were acting out a scene when a kid came in. Castiel felt bad for him when Dean stood up and started yelling, “YEAH! THAT’S MY BROTHER! WOO!” Castiel wanted to melt into the ground when parents turned around and glared at them.

“Okay,” Castiel pulled Dean down, who just laughed and clapped loudly, “Now shut up  and try not to make me want to kill you for the hundredth time in one day."

Castiel looked over at the stage to see the guy, Dean’s brother apparently, shaking his head and trying not to glare in their direction.

“So this is why we came? So all the adults in the room would want to kill us?”

“No, we came to see Sammy perform.”

“I feel so honored to have gotten this privilege.”

“Shut up and pay attention.” They stared at each other for a while, but Castiel turned away. Dean was still staring and was able to see Castiel smile a little to himself. His tattoo should’ve been going crazy right now.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

After the show, Dean sprang from his seat and bolted towards the stage, where the actors were talking to their parents or friends.

“Sammy! You were awesome!” The smile that Sam was sporting was wiped from his face and turned into a scowl.

“I told you that you didn’t need to come.”

“How was I supposed to miss this Sammy?”

“No,” Sam said, smiling, “what I meant to say is that you SHOULDN’T have come.” Sam turned towards Castiel and extended his hand.  “Hey, I’m Sam.”

“Castiel.”

“Oh. You’re Castiel.” He was a little taken aback. Castiel didn’t even _know_ Dean had a younger brother, and yet he was being mentioned to Sam without even knowing.

“Have I been mentioned before?”

“Yeah, Dean-” Sam looked over at Dean but fell silent. Castiel looked over to him and saw that he was looking down at the ground, placing his hands inside his jacket. “Yeah, Ash mentioned you and Dean said he knew you.”

“Of course.” He was still looking at Dean. What the hell was wrong with his tattoo? Then again, what was wrong with Castiel? He was trying way too hard to activate his tattoo’s pain, looking at Dean way too much, standing closer to him to what was necessary, leaning into him when they sat together.

“Well,” Dean clapped his hands together and grinned at the both of them, “we still have our third stop of the evening up ahead so let’s get ready to leave.”

“I want to say goodbye to someone, be right back.” Sam walked off, Dean leaning against a wall while Castiel watched him walk off.

“He’s meeting his girlfriend. He just doesn’t like to admit it.” He pulled out his pack and placed the cigarette into his mouth.

“I don’t think you can do that here.”

“I like living the dangerous life.”

Castiel smiled and outstretched his hand.

“Seriously?” Dean’s face was complete shock, but smiled and handed him one either way. 

“We both know you’re not going to smoke in here, might as well look like I live the dangerous life.”

Parents looked in their direction and whispered to each other, but they ignored them and talked and leaned against the wall with the unlit cigarettes hanging from their mouths and waited for Sam, who conveniently took his time saying his goodbye.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“Ellen! Three whiskeys!”

“Sam is not even legally an adult yet.”

“Nobody said that the third one was for him.”

They sat at the empty bar in the empty Roadhouse, Ellen already pouring the liquor into the cups.

Castiel sat in between the Winchester brothers, receiving his cup with repressed hesitation.

“Who’s this little angel?”

“Ellen, we’ve talked about this; no hitting on my friends.”

“Oh honey don’t flatter yourself, you don’t have ‘ _friends_ ’ to hit on.”

Dean pouted at Ellen and downed the cup, handing Sam a soda and giving Castiel a glass of water. He pushed the whiskey away and drank the water. Dean cheerfully drank his whiskey and sighed out with pleasure.

“Hey, Dean!”

“Ash!” His roommate was standing behind the bar and, with Dean’s protest, drank the third cup.

“Oh Castiel, Dean _convinced_ you to go drinking with him?”

“What the hell is wrong with drinking with me?” Dean was acting all high and mighty and offended out of his mind.

“This guy,” Ash said, addressing Castiel, “can’t drink more than 5 cups without having him hitting on you.”

“You are JUST that pretty darling.”

They laughed while Dean just flipped off Ash. Sam and Ash got into a conversation while Ellen went into the kitchen and got their hamburgers.

“Don’t worry,” Dean whispered, leaning in close to Castiel, “it’ll only take these three for me to hit on you.”

Castiel just smiled and drank his water. Now he understood. He understood why his tattoo hadn’t hurt that whole day. It was leaving him to make his own decisions, choices that had nothing to do with the pain and relief of its burden. Castiel hadn’t felt the pain all day because it was leaving him to play out the situation. And now it was all played out, the choices making the outcome.

Castiel was falling into the dark pit that was Dean, and he was glad he had no parachute.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean usually picked up Sam during lunch and took him to get some burgers. Lately, however, Sam had been spending most of his time with Jess. Today, Sam was able to get away and grab lunch with him.  Dean parked the Impala and they were able to grab a booth next to a window.

“Hey, today they’re having a movie marathon of those movies you’ve wanted to see.”

“Cool, after school we could go see them, you know, if you aren’t hanging out with Jess. Or invite her if you want.”

“Actually, it’s in about 30 minutes so you can go with Cas maybe.”

Dean looked down at his fries. “Yeah. Maybe.” He was trying to avoid his brother’s questioning look. They ate in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company before Sam had to leave. At some point it the silence became unbearable.

“So,” Sam looked up at him, “how’s school?”

His brother gave him a questioning look. “It’s fine. They’re giving me a lot of homework but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“I know it isn’t.” Dean smiled at Sam. Damn that kid was smart. He had a 4.0 GPA and when he went to the parent conferences, all teachers drooled over his brother. Dean was proud of his little brother, to say the least, and that was an understatement.

“And how’s Jess?”

Sam gave him his usual bitch-face and rolled his eyes. “See? THIS is why I don’t tell you crap. You’ll just find a way to make fun of me.”

“Sammy, come on, that little faith in me? I am legitimately curious about her well-being.”

Sam glared at him, but eventually answered. “She’s okay. Her parents asked me to dinner Friday night.”

Dean broke into a smile. “Hey! That’s awesome Sam.” His younger brother blushed and ate a forkful of his salad.

The rest of the lunch was spent doing small chit chat. When it was 15 until 1, they started to pack up. Sam got up from his side of the booth, dragging his backpack over the edge of the table.

“Oh crap!” Papers and books fluttered all over the floor.

“Let me help you.”

“No, Dean, it’s fine.”

“Sam, seriously, you have A LOT of cra-” He wasn’t able to finish the sentence. He had picked up a bundle of papers Sam tried to yank form his hands, but Dean just stretched the papers from Sam’s reach.

“What the hell is this?”

There were about half a dozen brochures, all containing college campuses on the covers. He knew what they were, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it.

“Dean-”

“What the _hell_ are these?” Why was he mad? Why was he turning on his brother like this?

“Can we not do this here?”

Dean looked around at the other tables. People were staring at them, staring at him, yelling and making a scene.

“Fine. Grab all your crap and let’s get out of here.” They picked up the rest of the papers and walked over to the Impala. Once inside, Sam covered his face with his hands, as if with shame. Why the hell was Dean doing this to him?

“Sam.”

“I’m sorry Dean.”

“About?”

“Not telling you.” Sam looked on the verge of tears, and that broke Dean in two.

“Okay. Let’s just take you back to school,” Dean muttered. Sam nodded solemnly and faced the window, hiding his face from his older brother.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The ride back to school was filled with a tension so thick it was palpable. Dean parked the car in front of the school, but Sam didn’t get out. He just sat there, frozen in place, not saying a word. He knew Sam was feeling guilty about having to have hid the reality of it from Dean.

“Where you planning on telling me?” It was barely loud enough to have been heard, but the silence was so absolute that Sam could hear it in the small space.

“Eventually.”

“Sam-”

“I’m going to be late.” Dean wasn’t able to speak another word when Sam got out of the car and walked over to the entrance.

He didn’t want to be mad at Sam because he had no reason to be. Dean should be proud out of his mind. He should be celebrating that his brother was thinking of become more than just a mechanic at Bobby’s shop like his dad and his older brother. And yet, at seeing all the college brochures in his backpack, it had triggered something within Dean. He was going to _lose his brother._ Dean was going to see Sam walk off into a future that he deserved, that Sam needed. It was not anger what he felt, Dean concluded, it was fear. Fear of losing his brother and fear at being alone with his dad.

He hated overthinking everything.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Castiel was reading a book for his English class, but he couldn’t understand any of the words on the page. Ash was reading a magazine on his bed while eating something that smelled awful.

“ _Miracles out of Nowhere_ ” quietly flowed from the speakers. Castiel had meant to give it to Ana, but the disc had really grown on him. It was a pretty quiet day; Castiel had decided to take that Thursday off and was pretty glad he did. He had a lot of homework to catch up on. Suddenly, when Castiel had begun to doze off, Dean burst into the room.

“Ash, come on, get up. We’re going drinking.”

“Okay.” Ash immediately got up and started putting on his shoes without even batting an eye.

“Cas, you too.”

He was about to protest but there was this desperation in Dean’s eyes that made him too scared to say anything. Dean had a lit cigarette between his fingers and kept taking deep drags from it. He was on the verge of madness, and Castiel was one to say that it wasn’t a good look on him.

“Dean?”

He turned towards Castiel, and for a moment he seemed to weaken, putting that wall down for a second and letting show this look of complete vulnerability.

“What?”

“Are you okay?” Obviously he wasn’t, but what else was there to say?

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just want a drink and who else to get it with than my boys?”

“WOO!” Ash was in it for the drinking, Castiel wanted to make sure Dean was fine.

They drove over to a nearby bar, since Ash didn’t want to go to the Roadhouse and encourage Ellen to put him to work. Dean picked a table at the corner of the bar, far from all the other people there. A waitress came over, wearing shorts and a tight shirt that left very little to the imagination.

“What can I get for you guys?”

“Well,” Dean put a charming smile, glancing at the name tag on her waist, “‘Cindy’, I’ll take a whiskey and keep them coming.”

“Give me a beer,” Ash was scanning the menu, arranging his mullet into something that was presentable, “and a hamburger too.”

“Oh yeah, for me too. Extra fries and onions on the side.”

“And for you?” Castiel looked up at her. She was pretty, definitely someone that was easy on the eyes, but he was kind of uncomfortable. He wasn’t the type of guy that girls talked to often, but he _did_ notice the way some girls scanned him over.

“Water will be fine.”

“Okay, just call me over if you change your mind.” She threw a smile in Dean’s direction. He gave her a wink and, very obviously, checked her out as she left. Castiel felt something weird at the bottom of his stomach, but that feeling had _nothing_ to do with his tattoo.

Ever since Castiel had admitted that he had feelings for Dean, his tattoo had started humming. He didn’t even have to think of those green eyes, his tattoo was always humming, 24/7.

The waitress came back with their order, Ash and Dean digging into their hamburgers while Castiel quietly drank his water.

After their sixth round of drinks, Ash’s theory was confirmed; Dean started laughing and flirting with anybody who passed their table; from pretty brunettes to bulky black guys. At some point, Ash had passed out face first into his plate of fries.

Castiel was ready to call a cab when Dean started to laugh hysterically. He just wanted the night to be over.

He was looking around the bar, looking for a phone or something, when Dean placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yes Dean?”

“Has anybody told you before how pretty your eyes are?”

 _This fucking guy._ “No, you would be the first one.”

“And that _hair.”_ Dean dragged his hands over Castiel’s already messy hair, but Castiel just swatted the hand away. The humming of his tattoo got louder. Ever since Castiel had admitted it, he had started to put on more layers, scared that everyone would be able to notice it.

“Come on Cas, you _gotta_ know how good looking you are.”

“Yes I am aware.”

Dean leaned closer to Castiel, his eyesight a little unfocused. “Cas, how come you don’t like hanging out with me?”

“I _do_ like hanging out with you.” Castiel was getting a little irritated, but his tattoo only hummed louder and louder.

“We should hang out more then! You know? Just you and me.” He was leaning closer and closer to Castiel, and he wasn’t backing away. Eventually, they were very close together, sharing the same air. It smelled like cigarette smoke and whiskey. It was oddly nice.

“Hey Cas?”

“Yes Dean?” It was merely a whisper, no need to speak any louder in the small distance they shared.

“Am I drunk right now?”

“I think you are.”

“Good.” He smirked and slipped a hand under the table. It didn’t take long before Castiel realized where it had gone.

He jumped a little in his seat when Dean’s hand had landed on Castiel’s inner thigh.

“Hey!” Dean swung his head back and started laughing loudly. NOW his tattoo had started to hurt.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Dean was being dragged. He didn't know to where or he didn't know by who. But then he felt those brick house shoulders he had admired since the moment he saw them.

“Cas,” he muttered.

“Stay with me here Dean.” That _husky_ voice made him squirm. He could even imagine those gorgeous blue eyes. Dean had been to the beach once, long ago, and it had been a stormy day. But it had been a nice trip, when his mother had still been alive. That’s what Cas’ eyes reminded him of; the ocean right before a storm.

 _Damn_ Dean got sappy when drunk.

He was sat in the passenger seat of his Impala. _Wait, that wasn’t right._ He could hear Ash grunting from the back seat, maybe he had walked to the car.

Cas was behind the wheel, muttering something about children or some other crap. He had a nice messy hair thing going on. Maybe that’s what it looked like after a good night of sex. Okay, yeah, that was a dangerous subject; his pants suddenly got _very_ uncomfortable.

Within the blink of an eye, Dean was being dragged into a building he knew but could not quite recognize at the moment.

Another blink and Dean was thrown onto a bed. Oh _GOD_ was that bed comfortable. He could feel hands dragging his leather jacket off his shoulders, his black combat boots were placed at the end of the bed, and a REALLY fluffy pillow was put under his head.

Dean grabbed Cas by the wrist, pulling him close to his face.

“Hey, Cas, can I ask you something.”

“What is it Dean?” He was annoyed. Through the haziness, he could see the furrow of his eyebrows and the slight pucker of lips.

“You are _really_ cute when you’re annoyed.”

“That’s not a question.”

“You’re… you’re not a question.”

“Okay.” Cas started to pull away but Dean wanted him close, wanted him to be there, near Dean.

“No, seriously, can I ask you a question?” Dean tried to sound as serious as he could, making Cas sigh out in exasperation but stayed. They were really close together, and he was able to really appreciate those blue eyes that were SO blue… that they were blue. _What?_

“What is it Dean?”

“If I show you mine… Will you show me yours?” Cas’ eyes practically rolled behind his head and that was enough to make anybody laugh. _Damn_ Dean was funny.

“Really clever Dean.”

He was slipping into unconsciousness but he could still feel Cas by his side, tucking him into bed and placing a bucket besides the bed.

“Where are you sleeping?” Dean was able to slur.

“On the couch. Try to puke on the bucket and not on my bed please.”

 _Stay here_ , Dean was trying to say but it came out as incoherent words. The last thing Dean saw was Cas’ eyes scanning his face, his hands wiping sweat off of Dean’s forehead. He had warm hands. And _SOFT._ Nothing else wandered into his mind as he slipped into the obsidian. Man that bed was confy.


	8. Chapter 8

It was mornings like those ones that made him regret drinking so much. Sure, the night was fun and all, but it was the _mornings_ that made Dean want to quit drinking all together. His head was throbbing and that _smell_ ; disgusting. It took him about 5 seconds to realize that it came from the entire room; from Dean, from Ash, from both the buckets that were set besides the beds filled with vomit. It was official; Dean was going to stop drinking forever. Or at least until next weekend.

He sluggishly sat up and regretted it. His head started to spin and it felt like a new wave of vomit was stuck in his throat. It had been a while since he’d gotten that drunk, and it was REALLY painful remembering why.

Dean was able to walk over to the door without throwing up or passing out from the pain, which was a _huge_ accomplishment for him at the moment. He quietly opened the door as to not wake up Ash, but people could be holding him to gun point and Ash wouldn’t even stir.

Sunlight was filtering through the living room windows, draping the room in an orange glow. He scanned the room, the clock on the wall indicating that it was 30 minutes until 8, his eyes landing on the form sprawled on the couch.

Cas was lying on his chest, his naked back crossed with the sunlight. From his waist down, he was covered with the blanket but Dean was able to see a peek of his black boxers.

Dean felt dirty. Cas was asleep and half naked, obviously not wanting anybody to see him like that. And yet he stood there, scanning over his friend. He took his time taking in the image, just feeling dirtier by the second. He was able to take his eyes away from him when Cas stirred in his sleep, pulling the blanket over himself as he turned to lie on his back.

Dean needed coffee. _Immediately._ His head was still throbbing and he needed to clear his head. He brewed himself a cup and drank it black. Sam always judged him for drinking it with nothing in it, but it was able to wake him up better than anything else.

Even with that cup of coffee, his head still felt like it was about to split in half. He was heading back to the room but stopped when he saw Cas stirring.

“Mornin’ sunshine.”

Cas just glared at him, clearly not a morning person. “What are you doing up?”

“Just getting a cup of coffee. I left some in the kitchen if you want.”

“Thanks. Last night I called Sam too. Told him to come for you at about 8.”

“Oh, cool thanks.” Dean, without meaning to, let his eyes wander over what skin was exposed; his wide shoulders, biceps that were tanned by God himself. When his eyes locked with Cas’, he could feel his face flush with heat. Cas was looking at him, his eyes squinted in question and his head tilted in confusion. Dean saved whatever shred of dignity he had left and entered the awful smelling room.

Castiel watched Dean go back into the room, and let out the breath he had been holding. Dean had been standing so close, searching his chest while he had been wearing nothing. It would have been so easy to have seen the tattoo that it had stopped his heart. But now it was burning. Through the covers, the steam was able to drift into the air, making his skin uncomfortable.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the knock on the door. Castiel walked over to door, not bothering to put on any other clothes, which he found out to be a mistake.

Sam Winchester stood on the other side of the door, looking down at a small piece of paper he had in hand.

“Cas, hey.”

“Hello Sam.”

“Uh, you told me to come for Dean at 8. Is he up yet?”

“Yeah, come on in.”

Sam smiled at Castiel, but his eyes dropped down to his chest, his jaw just slightly dropping. Castiel didn’t even have to look to know the _stupid_ mistake he had made. He hadn’t bothered to put on more clothes, didn’t put on a shirt, _and didn’t cover up the tattoo_. He just shut his eyes tightly and let his head drop.

“Then I’ll go get Dean.” Without opening his eyes, Castiel moved to the side and let Sam pass through. What was _wrong_ with him? How could he be so _stupid_ as to not put on a shirt, reveal his tattoo to one of the Winchesters, or even walk around for _anybody_ to see it?

He would’ve been frozen on the spot if it weren’t for the fact that one Winchester had already seen the tattoo, he didn’t want them both seeing it.

Castiel was sitting on the couch, drinking a black cup of coffee when the brothers came strolling out of the room, waving a goodbye to him. Before closing the door, Sam gave Castiel a small smile, as if saying that it was okay. Or, at least, Castiel _hoped_ that’s what it meant.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It was an intense silence the whole way home, neither of them willing to break the barrier created between them. But Dean’s pride had to be set aside for a moment before they made it home.

“So,” Dean tested, Sam turning to him a little surprised, “tonight’s the dinner at the Moore’s.”

“Yeah. It is.”

“Big step you guys are taking.”

“It had to be done eventually. Might as well do it sooner than later.”

He smiled. “She seems like a swell kinda gal, so I doubt it matters when you did it.”

“I guess.” The intensity of the moment had lifted between the two, turning into something bearable.

The rest of the ride was spent in comfortable silence, but Dean felt like he should be saying more, like there was a lot left to be said between the two.

“It was pretty cool of Cas to help out like that,” Sam said. “He’s a cool kind of guy.”

“He is. He’s a weird, dorky… little guy.” Dean glanced at his brother, noticing the small smile on his brother’s face.

“What?”

Sam looked up at his brother, wiping the smile off his face. “Nothing.”

“Sammy, you know I’m gonna make you spill so might as well just fez up.”

It was obvious that Sam was squirming in his seat, trying to figure out a way to say something without really saying the whole thing. It was a skill of his that he had mastered over the years, like when he tried to tell Dean that he maybe had spilt soda on the leather seats without really admitting it.

“Really Dean, it’s nothing.”

Sam was still fidgeting with that weird half smile of his, but Dean thought it would be better to just ignore it.

Dean pulled up in front of their house, but when Sam started to get out, Dean pulled him back in.

“Sam, I think we need to talk about it.”

“Dean, I really-”

“I’m proud of you.” There was no point sugar coating it, or making it a chick flick moment.

His younger brother seemed to relax, relief crossing his delicate features. He was too young to have so many worry lines. Sam nodded in understanding and gave a small laugh.

“Thanks Dean.”

It had obviously killed Sam having to admit that he even wanted to go to college, having to have hid that accomplishment from his older brother, but now the weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

“Let’s just… Let’s just not tell dad for a while okay?”

“No argument there.”

It was good not having to hide so much from his brother, his best friend.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕) ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Later that night, after Sam had left to his Friday night’s dinner at the Moore’s, Dean had time to realize just how _boring_ his life was. He didn’t work Fridays because he was usually preparing himself for the weekend hangovers. Ash and Jo worked the late shifts at the Roadhouse since that was when it started to really get packed. There wasn’t anything else to do, so he got his leather jacket and his keys and drove. It only became obvious where he was going when he turned a corner and saw the Kansas University sign.

He was kind of hoping Cas wasn’t home so Dean could just go home and rest. Then again, the rest of him told that small piece of him to shut the fuck up.

There was noise behind the door, indicating that Cas was home. It took him about 20 seconds to open the door, 20 seconds Dean used to reevaluate his decision on coming here. Which was…?

Cas opened the door and, _thank god,_ was wearing enough clothing to survive a trip to Antarctica.

“Hello Dean.” He was holding a beer that was half empty. Very unlike Cas.

“Hey Cas. You’re not busy are you?”

“No, come in.” He walked into the living room he was already accustomed to, taking a seat on one of the arm chairs.

Cas brought him a cold beer which Dean took gratefully. “Thanks.”

He was watching cartoons. The fucking nerd was actually watching cartoons on a Friday night. Cas sat on the couch, drinking from his beer in slow gulps. It was quiet for a while, Dean didn’t mind the cartoons and Cas didn’t suggest changing the channel, so it was a good deal.

It took a while for Dean to see the overnight bag on the second arm chair. “Oh, hey, don’t you go to Montana for the weekends?”

Cas looked down at his beer, this sorrowful look flashing on his face. “Not this weekend.”

Dean had completely forgotten the whole family reunion fiasco. “You still haven’t heard from the family?”

“I’ve tried but they’re all…”

“M.I.A.” Cas huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah.” They both drank from their beers and watched more cartoons, spending Friday night as any college kids would.

“Hey.” Dean sat up on the arm chair, an idea popping into his mind. “Why don’t we go to Montana?”

“What?”

“I mean, you’re not solving by just staying here. We could drive to Montana for the weekend and if they’re still being big bags of dicks then we can go sightseeing.”

“Sightseeing in Montana?”

“Come on Cas! It’ll be fun!” Dean was actually getting pumped up about the idea. Yeah going to Montana, the most _boring_ state on the United States wasn’t really exciting, but it was a whole weekend road trip with Cas. How could that NOT be fun?

“I don’t know…”

“Look, your family is in the crapper right now and I _know_ dysfunctional families. If you go back home and can’t fix the situation, we’ll stay at a hotel until Sunday comes. If it turns out your family isn’t as crappy as it seems, then we’ll stay and work it out. Either way, it’s a win-win situation.”

Cas was doing that thing where he squinted his eyes and tilted his head at Dean. He didn’t mean to lick his lips while they stared at each other. But when he saw Cas follow his tongue’s movement, he was _really_ reconsidering ever having come in the first place.

“I don’t know…”

“Fine, keep calling phones that are disconnected while your family falls apart.”

That’s when he knew he had taken too far. Castiel glared at him, this look of complete fury flashing through his blue eyes. It was a look that took over him just for a second, and then it was gone.

“I can go on my own Dean.”

“Oh.” Why the hell did he even care? That would mean he had the weekend for himself.

“But if you want to come…”

Dean broke into a smile, but then quickly tried to replace it with a look of nonchalant coolness. “Yeah, you know, if you want me to.”

“Then it’s settled.”

At around 10, they were already on the road towards Montana, Dean having called Sam while packing his bag for the weekend.

What the hell had Dean gotten himself into?


	9. Chapter 9

They had made a deal to not fall asleep during the drive and to have a good night’s sleep that Saturday, but by 3 Cas had already passed out. Dean played his Metallica cassette gently in the background, trying not to kill them both. _God_ he was tired.

He didn’t blame Cas for having passed out, Dean would’ve done it too, but he was a little pissed off. He had volunteered to drive them for 16 hours to deal with Cas’ family that was breaking apart and now he didn’t even have someone to keep him awake. Dean didn’t think Cas would mind, even if he did Dean didn’t give a fuck, so he lit up a lighter and rolled down the window. It was a nice breeze, enough to wake him up. Cas shifted in his sleep, crossing his arms closer to his body. Even though he was a little mad at the guy, Dean couldn’t just let the guy freeze. He reached behind him and got his leather jacket, draping it over Cas. He gripped at the jacket tightly, making Dean smile and forgetting why he was mad.

They were 2 hours away from Colorado, being able to reach Montana by 2 in the afternoon, but Dean didn’t even know if he could make it another minute.

“Where are we?” Cas sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Still in Kansas.”  He blew out smoke for the last time and threw the cigarette out the window.

“Sorry I fell asleep.”

“Its fine, I was able to really go in depth about my life,” Dean said as he rolled the window up and turned the window down. He looked over at Cas and smiled a little to himself; he was holding the jacket up to his nose, still clutching it close to his body.

“You look tired.”

“I’m fine. Like we said, I’m gonna have a goodnight’s sleep when we get there.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“And I said it was fine.” 

Cas turned up the music and reached back to his bag on the backseat. He handed Dean a bag of chips, getting himself some twizzlers. “Here, so you don’t fall asleep and kill us.”

“That was 3 hours ago and I closed my eyes for a second.”

“It would help if we switched and you slept for a little.”

“Cas, I don’t even let Sam, _my brother_ , drive. Like hell am I gonna let _you_ drive.”

“Sorry I asked,” Cas huffed out a laugh. “Maybe we could stop at a motel or something. We don’t have to get there by today.”

“Hey, I’ll make it another 11 hours driving. Go back to sleep, you still have a few hours until we stop for breakfast.”

He didn’t answer, just kind of grunted. Dean looked over at him and saw Cas glaring at him. “What?”

Cas shook his head and turned to look out at the road, pointing. “Look, there’s a motel up ahead. We can stay there for the night and drive during the day.”

Dean looked over at Cas, who was still holding onto Dean’s jacket, and saw that he was bobbing his head to the music. He smiled to himself and tried to ignore the shiver that ran down his spine.

“You know that means we’ll get there by Sunday instead.”

“I do, but since you’re tired and I’m not planning on dying today, it’s worth it.”

Dean drove into the parking lot of the motel. They were a couple buildings around, but mostly it was just farms and green hills. It didn’t seem like the kind of place a murderer would pick out his victims so that was a good thing. They got out, Dean grabbing the three bags from the backseat and walking towards the motel. He turned and saw that Cas was about to close the door with the jacket still inside. It had gotten cold the longer they drove and Cas only had a simple grey shirt.

“Hey, put on the jacket, it’s still cold.”

Cas’ brows furrowed in question but when he saw that Dean was serious, he rolled his eyes but still opened the door and got the jacket, glaring at Dean as he put it on. The sleeves were a little too long for him. _This fucking guy_ , Dean thought as he huffed out a laugh.

They walked up to the lady behind the desk, which was weird since it was 4 in the morning, but Dean decided to not question it.

“Hi, can we have a room?”

“Sure.”

Cas handed him a Mars candy bar while the lady checked them in. Dean split the candy bar in two, handing the other half to Cas. He took it with a small smile playing on his lips.

“Name?”

“Dean Winchester.”

“Will it be just one bed?”

He started coughing harshly, having swallowed a hard piece of candy. _What the fuck?_

“No, two beds please,” Cas answered calmly. Dean was still coughing but the lady and Cas were ignoring him. She handed Cas the key and he placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. He squirmed out of reach and started walking towards their room.

The walls were flower-patterned and the beds had dark green covers. It was a moderately nice room, at least there wasn’t a rat scurrying across the floor.

“Okay, at what time do I put the alarm clock?”

“Whatever time we wake up is fine,” Cas said as he walked into the bathroom.

Dean dropped himself onto his bed and was a little disappointed; it wasn’t nearly as comfortable as Cas’ bed. He closed his eyes, already slipping into the darkness. He could hear Cas turn off the light and walk over to his bed.

Dean had already fallen asleep, not even bothering to get under the covers. Castiel felt bad that he had fallen asleep during the drive, but he was glad Dean was able to at least rest a little. It was nice of him to have offered to drive Castiel to Montana but he was a little scared. He didn’t know what he was walking into; his family might still be fighting or there might not be any family to welcome him home.

He pushed the thought away. The bed was stiff but it was better than the car’s seats. The leather jacket was warm, the smell of smoke and alcohol wafting into his nose. Cas drank in the smell, the aroma of Dean. It wasn’t long until the sound of Dean’s light snoring was the last thing he heard.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Cas was still sleeping when Dean got out of the shower. It was still early so it seemed reasonable to shower before they hit the road again. The motel was a couple of miles away from the nearest fast food place, which sucked since Dean was already starving and didn’t think he could last another couple of miles.

Eventually, the hunger won over his desire to let Cas sleep for a little longer. He threw his pillow at Cas and couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from him when Cas basically jumped out of bed.

“What the hell?”

“Good morning Cas. Did you sleep well?”

He was obviously out of it, making his eyes all unfocused and his voice even deeper with sleep. Cas was able to pinpoint where Dean was seated, glared at him before throwing his head back on the pillows. “Why is your hair wet?” He asked, his eyes covered by the crook of his elbow.

“There was a horrible storm and I had to save a box that was filled with little puppies. They’re fine now but they’re getting hungry. We should probably get going.”

Cas sat up on the bed, running his hands through his black hair. His hair was already a mess and he just made it even worse. _God_ that was hot. Wait, what?

“What time is it?”

“Eight.”

“Okay.” Cas stretched his hands above his head, lifting his shirt just enough to reveal a tiny strip of skin. Dean HAD to get out of that room. He grunted and sighed out when he put his hands back down. “Yeah, I could go for some breakfast.”

“Fantastic, let’s go.” In fifteen minutes they were already on the road again. They had the windows rolled down, the wind biting lightly at Dean’s skin; Cas was still wearing his leather jacket but he didn’t ask for it back and Cas wasn’t offering to give it back. It was a nice compromise.

Cas was groaning on the passenger seat by the time they got there. Sam was already used to Dean complaining whenever he didn’t immediately get his food but Cas had only experienced the complaining for 30 minutes and was already ready to punch Dean in the face.

The Denny’s was pretty full, mostly by old couples and oversized families. They were luckily able to get a table next to quiet couple. Dean grabbed the menus while Cas ordered them some coffee. There were a lot of good options on the menu and it took him a while to settle on the blueberry pancakes with a side of apple pie.

“What are you gonna get, Cas?”

“Maybe eggs with bacon. I don’t know.”

Dean looked up from the menu at Cas. He was rubbing his face with his hands, shaking his head. Dean knew he was worried about his family and he wanted to help, but Cas wasn’t the type to talk about his feelings, something Dean could relate to.

“Hey,” he said as he put down the menu and leaned forward, “you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Cas put down his hands but wouldn’t look at Dean. “I’m just scared that there will be nothing to do when I get home.”

He wanted to say something, make Cas feel better in any way possible, but what was there to say. Dean knew about fucked up families, he knew the feeling of hopelessness. Whenever he talked about his problems, the _rare_ times he did, it felt good to just get that off his chest. It was another thing to actually get advice on it.

Dean was about to reluctantly try to say something when the waitress was filling their cups with coffee. They ordered their pancakes and eggs and when the waitress left, they were left in uncomfortable silence.

“You didn’t have to come with me.” It took him a few seconds to realize it was Cas who had spoken. It was a broken murmur, filled with guilt and shame. To anybody else, it would’ve sounded like an annoyed remark, but Dean knew that tone. He heard it in his voice every day.

“I know, but I wanted to.”

Cas looked up at Dean, his brow furrowed in question and confusion. “Why? We barely even know each other.”

“My name Dean Winchester. I’m an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women. I’d say that’s enough information.” Cas huffed out a laugh and glanced out at the other tables. Dean drank in his coffee, drinking in the look of Cas still in his leather jacket. “Cas.” He turned to face Dean again, lifting his own cup to his lips. “You gotta accept that people genuinely want to be nice to you because they don’t like seeing you like that,” Dean said, gesturing at Cas’ face. He laughed, setting the cup down. 

“Thank you Dean. For everything.”

“Don’t mention it.” It was a nice silence, the kind that wasn’t in the need of words. At some point, Cas was only drinking his coffee, a few strips of bacon left on his plate. Dean had cleaned his plate minutes after it had arrived and was still hungry. It was a service really, finishing Cas’ food, then there would be no wasting anything. He gingerly grabbed Cas’ plate and replaced it with his own, eagerly about to dig into the bacon, when he spared a look to the couple besides their table. They were looking at them, fond smiles plastered on their faces. Dean quickly averted his gaze, munching on the bacon in little bites.

“Dean?”

He looked up at those blue eyes that were looking at him with concern. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

Dean sat up straight, involuntarily having had slouched in his chair. “Yeah, totally.”

Cas drank the rest of his coffee without taking his eyes from Dean.

“Cas, not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that… I got laid.” The look of complete annoyance that spread across his face made Dean throw his head back in laughter. It was obvious Cas was trying to keep a straight face, but the more Dean laughed, the  more Cas shook his head, trying to hide his smile. Eventually, they were both laughing, gasping for air. They would make eye contact and immediately break into another laugh. People glanced in their direction, curious on what drug they were on.

The rest of the drive was a mess; Dean would switch through stations and they would sing along, yelling out the parts they knew and laughing when they realized they didn’t know the words. Dean was glad he had offered to come.


	10. Chapter 10

They drove the rest of the way to Montana, stopping every few miles for bathroom breaks and snacks. Castiel was able to keep his promise of not falling asleep during the second part of the trip but they were about to drop dead when they arrived to the second motel. It was midnight and nothing was going to be resolved during that ungodly hour.

Castiel was barely able to sleep, tossing and turning the whole night. Ever since they had started their trip, his tattoo was acting up like crazy. During their breakfast that Saturday, he had to excuse himself to the bathroom and wait there for a good ten minutes since his tattoo had started to steam. Now it was simply throbbing, but it had stopped hurting a long time ago.

Dean had set up the alarm clock for ten, but Castiel wasn’t able to fall back to sleep when he woke up at 5. He walked out onto the parking lot; it was minutes before dawn, a cold breeze blowing through his sweater. Dean had insisted that it was fine, that he could keep the jacket until they returned home, but Castiel’s tattoo had been burning since he had put it on. There was an empty pool on the back of the motel, the perfect place to watch the sunrise.

He sat at the edge of the pool, the cold biting into his legs, but patiently waited for the sunrise. The quiet was soothing.

“Hey.” Dean took a seat besides Castiel, hugging his arms to his chest.

“Hello, Dean.” He had enjoyed the quiet but he was happy to be accompanied by Dean. “Did I wake you?”

“Kinda. You left the door open.”

“Sorry.” Castiel stared off into the distance where the sun had started to peek out of the horizon. Dean leaned back onto his forearms, swinging his legs and taking out his pack.

“What are you doing out here? It’s cold.”

“Yeah, but it’s nice.”

Dean leaned forward to look at Castiel with a quirked eyebrow, the smoke hanging from his mouth. Castiel rolled his eyes at him and looked back at the horizon. “ _AND_ I couldn’t go back to sleep.” Dean nodded to himself, looking at the horizon too. The smell of smoke made Castiel dizzy and nauseated but he loved it all the same. It was comforting in a weird kind of way.

“The sunrise is nice,” Dean said as the sun had completely risen over the horizon.

“We still have five hours before we have to go, you might want to get a few more hours.”

“Trying to get rid of me?” Dean said with a smirk.

“Yes that is EXACTLY what I’m trying to do.”

“And I was thinking we were getting along.” He knocked his shoulder against Castiel’s, laughing lightly

Castiel was swinging his legs at the same rhythm as Dean, his right shoulder pressing against Dean’s left shoulder.

“Actually, I _do_ want to those extra hours. See you in a few.” Dean stood up and dumped the cigarette into the empty pool, ruffled Castiel’s hair, and headed back to the motel. He watched Dean turn the corner before finally heaving out a breath. His tattoo had been pounding since Dean had sat next to him, but now that he was gone, the tattoo had started to smoke again. He glared down at his tattoo, a scream getting caught in his throat. Through the three layers of clothing, Castiel could see the outline of the words, burning red, while the steam drifted into the heating air.

It was enough to distract him from confronting his family if so briefly. He was NOT looking forward to that.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Cas’ house was the typical white-picket fence kind of place, the kind Dean wouldn’t be found in unless dead. But the way Cas looked at his house, the way he gripped the leather seat, Dean knew he couldn’t let the guy do it alone.

“Hey,” Dean got out of the car and looked over at Cas through the open door, “you coming?”

Cas barely nodded his head before he was out of the car. Even though it was Cas’ house, Dean led the way towards the front door; the guy _clearly_ needed help. He knocked but nobody answered. Cas tried to open the door but it seemed to be locked. Afterwards, he kind of stared at the door with hopelessness and relief. It was a weird combination. He rattled the doorknob with absolutely no effort and that was all the pathetic Dean could take.

“Okay, move.” Dean pushed Cas out of the way and pulled out the second pack he had in his leather jacket.

“Why do you have lock-picking tools with you?” Cas kind of muttered.

“For reasons JUST like this one.” It took a couple of seconds before the lock finally clicked and Dean was able to push open the door. At the sight that greeted him, he froze on the doorway.

“Dean, what is it?”

“Uh, I don’t-”

Cas pushed past Dean and into the house, and stopped. Dean didn’t know what to say, how to comfort him in that situation; there was no furniture in the house, no sign that anybody had ever lived there. Cas turned in a slow circle, his face devoid of emotion.

He wanted to say something, _anything,_ but there were no words that fit the situation. All he could do, all there _was_ to do, was put his hand on Cas’ shoulder for some sort of support. Cas was shaking his head, trying to get some words out of his mouth, when thumping and grunting could be heard from upstairs. They froze up, neither of them daring to breath. Dean backed away a little when he saw a girl with red hair appear at the top of the stairs, but Cas took a step forward.

“Castiel.”

“Ana.” The tension grew with every passing second, neither of them moving.

“‘Sup, I’m Dean.”

Ana turned her attention towards Dean with relief. “Hello.”

Cas didn’t move as Ana descended the stairs, didn’t move his stiff arms as Ana hugged him, and didn’t turn when Ana addressed Dean. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you knock. And I’m pretty sure I locked the door…”

“You did but Dean didn’t get the memo,” Cas said through suppressed calmness, yet he didn’t turn around.

Ana gave a polite yet forced smile. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I just came for the rest of my stuff.”

“What the hell is going on?” Cas had finally turned to face his, what Dean assumed, sister with a look of pure fury. “Where is all of our stuff? Where’s everybody?”

“Castiel, you’ve been gone for too long, a lot of things have happened since you left.”

“I left _last weekend._ ” He was breathing hard, closing his eyes but the furrow of his brows didn’t hide the annoyance in his voice. “And, what? I couldn’t get a _single_ call the _ENTIRE_ week?” Now he was moving in on Ana menacingly. “There was NO way that you could’ve picked up the damn phone and called?”

“Okay,” Ana backed away towards the stairs but Cas kept moving in, fuming. It was getting too intense for Dean. He moved in between the siblings, putting a hand on Cas’ chest to stop him from chasing Ana.

“Cas, you gotta chill man. You gotta talk this through.”

“While _MY_ family was having all these damn issues, you couldn’t have _INFORMED_ me or was that just too much of a damn struggle?” Cas was pushing on Dean, trying to pass him, but Dean wouldn’t budge. It was awful and terrifying to see Cas, the most levelheaded person he knew, acting like a madman.

“Castiel, you need to understand-”

“No!” He harshly pushed Dean to the side and moved towards Ana, who just ran up the stairs followed by his psychotic friend. What the hell did he get himself into?

He bolted after them, following the sound of shouting. Dean stood on the doorway of the first door in the hallway, not looking at them directly but at the house. He tried not to hear their harsh words, but it was REALLY difficult. He was looking down the hall to see one of the rooms had its door opened. Without hesitation, he left the drama of Ana’s room and walked towards the opened door. It still had all its furniture, small knickknacks still covering the dresser and night table. The bed sheets were tightly laid on the bed, no clothes bundled up on the corner of cups loitering the room. This was obviously Cas’ room. Dean walked over to the bookshelves, stacked with records of composers that played one or another instrument. He shifted through the records slowly, appreciating Cas a little more and more.

It seemed to get quiet in the house, the door being shut closed the only noise that travelled throughout the house. He turned to see Cas come into his room. His eyes were a little watery, his fist clenched until his knuckles turned white.

“Everything okay?”

Cas shook his head. “She had to leave before my mom came looking for her.” He sat on his bed, disturbing the small layer of dust on top of it. He dropped his face onto his lap, running his fingers through his hair.

“Cas…” but what could he say? That he was sorry? Sorry about what, his family being a complete fuck up? Dean felt like crap not being able to do anything that could _begin_ to make Cas feel better. He sat beside Cas on the bed, dropping a hand on his bed.

He sat up, his watery eyes on the edge of spilling. Dean draped his arm over Cas’ shoulders, holding him close to his side. “She said that last Saturday, when I left, Gabriel didn’t come back home and hasn’t been answering anybody’s calls, dad came home and packed up his things and left without saying a word. Ana is staying with my mom at a hotel until they can find a more stable place.”

Dean sat there quietly, drawing small circles with his thumb on Cas’ shoulder, trying to be comforting without the need of words.

“I can’t believe I wasn’t even here.”

“I doubt there would be anything for you to have done either way.”

“Yeah but at least I would’ve been here.” And a single tear spilled over the rim, a sob shaking throughout his body. “This is my family, Dean, and in a matter of days it all falls apart.”

Dean didn’t know _crap_ about comforting people, but he DID know how to deal with people in Cas’ position.

“Hey,” he placed his hand on the nape of Cas’ neck, pulling him towards Dean. Cas struggle, murmuring that he was fine, but Dean hugged him to his chest. Cas pushed on Dean’s chest, trying to back away without much force, until he gave in. He laced his hands behind Dean’s back, Dean’s hand still on Cas’ neck while the other raked into Cas’ hair, holding him to his chest. He rested his chin on the top of Cas’ head, letting him cry it out. Cas quietly let his tears soak into Dean’s collarbone, but eventually sobbed loudly, his body shaking. Dean held onto him tightly, rubbing his hand on Cas’ neck, quietly humming.

It seemed like hours before Cas finally stopped crying, but Dean’s hold was still strong.

Castiel breathed in the smell of alcohol and smoke, drank in the feeling of leather, and listened to Dean’s humming. He didn’t recognize the song, so settled for listening to the beating of his heart. It was steady, at the same pace as the hand that rubbed against his neck. Castiel had his eyes closed, still pressing into Dean’s collarbone.

They had been there for thirty minutes and he was ready to leave that hellhole. He dragged his hands onto Dean’s chest and lightly pushed. Dean let his hands rack down Castiel’s back until they were on the small of his back. It was enough space for Castiel to look Dean in the eye, but still close for them to be close.

Castiel couldn’t look Dean in the eye, settling his eyes on Dean’s chest; from his neck, an amulet hanged there. That was the only thing he was able to see, the only thing he was willing to look at.

“Want to go home?” Dean whispered. Castiel could only nod. He stood up and walked out of the room, wiping his tears away as he descended the stairs. He waited besides the car for a while, Dean making sure the door had been locked. The rest of the drive home was quiet and neither of them broke the silence.

He wanted to get home, forget this whole trip, and move on.

At some point, Cas had fallen asleep, his head resting against the window. Dean felt horrible for the guy, but was glad about having gotten himself into that mess. Cas needed a friend and Dean was glad it was him who had somewhat helped him out.


	11. Chapter 11

That Monday, after they had arrived back on the Kansas University campus, Cas had ignored Dean. He tried not to be offended since Cas must’ve been embarrassed about having cried in front of him, but it still hurt him. Dean had tried calling him multiple times, make sure he was fine, but Cas wouldn’t answer any of his calls. When Dean stopped by, Ash was less than smooth at covering up his tracks.

“Ah, yeah. The tests are REALLY getting to him so he went out to get a drink.”

“Why didn’t you go with him?” Dean asked, trying to hide his annoyance by playing along.

“Because there’s beer here.”

“Couldn’t tell Cas that?”

“Will that be all?” Ash was really smooth at lying.

“Yeah,” Dean looked past Ash, towards the open door of Cas’ room, “when Cas gets home, can you tell him to _stow his crap and fucking CALL me._ ” He could see a tan arm stretch out and quietly closed the door. Was he fucking SERIOUS?!

“I will make sure to pass along the message. Goodbye Dean.” He stood there for a second, fuming but unable to melt the door by glaring at it. He walked back to his car and halfway there he turned to face the building again. Dean could see Cas’ room and was able to see Cas there too, walking around his room. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and Dean could see Cas’ tattoo. Wait, _he has a tattoo?_ Dean was too far away to make out the word but that wasn’t enough to grab his interest. Cas didn’t want to talk to Dean, fine, then Dean wouldn’t talk to Cas either.

Of course, being the fantastic friend that he was, Dean kept texting him at least once a day, and whenever he went to his room to ‘ _hang out with Ash_ ,’ Cas would lock himself up in his room. It was really fucking mature.

At some point, Dean gave up trying to contact the guy. He wanted to be supportive and understanding of what Cas was going through, but it became annoying not getting an answer. Dean stopped trying two weeks after their road trip.

Dean hadn’t talked to Sam about the college applications and his little brother didn’t contribute to the subject either. He had too much on his plate to deal with it all, so he spent most of his time at the auto shop. It was the only place he could tolerate being in. Even though his dad was always breathing down his neck from across the shop, it was his safety zone.

He had that Saturday off but Lisa was at her grandparents’, meaning Dean had the whole weekend to himself. Sam had another dinner with Jess’s family but he was expecting a call to pick him up at any second now. Dean didn’t like the growing silence in the house but he liked how he could watch Dr. Sexy M.D. without Sam laughing his ass off in one corner.

Everyone was out and having a productive weekend. Meanwhile, Dean was eating his own weight in hamburgers, pies, and other junk foods. He would’ve gone with Ash to the Roadhouse but it would be a little awkward; the only interacting they’ve done the last two weeks was Dean asking about Cas. Now, he had absolutely nothing to do on the weekend except watch movies and pig out. It was something he already did on the weekdays but it was just depressing doing it on the weekend. Dean was a working man and lying on the couch for hours and hours on end was not as satisfying as other people found it.

The next episode had begun when his phone began to ring, flashing the smiling face of Sam.

“Yeah?”

“Dean, dinner’s over, come pick me up.”

“On my way.” _Finally_ he had something to do. It took him 20 minutes to get to the house, another five minutes for Sam to get out of the house, and another 10 minutes for him to actually get into the car. They were able to talk to each other like normal, but whenever there was nothing else to speak of, the college applications hung in the air above their heads. It fucking sucked.

Sam was blushing and kept wiping his hands on his pants. Those two had been dating for two months now and yet he was still a nervous wreck around her. Honestly, it was nice. 

“Have you gotten your tattoo yet?” Dean asked.

“No, but I feel it coming.”

That threw Dean off. “What do you mean?”

“Well, when your soulmate has their tattoo, they can feel it when they’re around you. For example, Jess didn’t immediately tell me about it but whenever I was around her tattoo would burn. For me to get my tattoo, I have to…”

“What? You have to what?” A lot of things were buzzing through his mind, and he was _very_ intrigued to know about the whole soulmate crap.

“I have to fall in love with her to get my tattoo. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, so my… _feelings_ for her have gotten bigger. Whenever I’m around her, my chest kind of itches. It’s all the bad kind of cheesy but that’s what happens.”

“And that’s how you know you’re about to get your tattoo?”

“Pretty much.” _Interesting…_

The rest of the drive home was spent in silence, the obvious question being left unasked. Not even music could make the tension more tolerable. It was a nice night, the sky cleared from any cloud and the wind warm and pleasant. There were a few stars in the sky but the city lights blocked out the rest. Dean remembered how bright the stars were on his trip with Cas, out in the country side. And that was when an idea popped into Dean’s mind.

When they reached the stoplight that would lead them home, Dean turned right instead, making a U-turn and driving the opposite direction.

“Uh… what are you doing?”

“Dad has a late night shift tonight at the auto shop and we both know how he likes to go drinking after late shifts. SO, we’re gonna take advantage of that.”

“Oh, okay,” Sam said in a small voice. He took out his phone and started to dial, trying but failing to hide it from Dean. It was charming how much faith Sam had in his brother. Dean rolled his eyes, grabbed the phone from Sam, and threw it to the backseat.

“Dean!”

“I’m not crazy.”

“Never said you were.”

“Just trust me on this Sammy. When have I _ever_ stirred you wrong?”

Sam sighed out in exasperation. “Fine, but I was texting Jess.”

“You can text her later, stop whining.”

His brother shook his head in frustration. “Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Afterwards, Sam didn’t question Dean when he parked the Impala outside the nearest grocery store. He didn’t so much as roll his eyes or sigh out in annoyance when Dean got back to the car with a 6-pack of beer and a 12-pack of Pepsis. Dean drove in quiet hesitation, almost jumping on his seat as he thought out his plan. Music filled the quiet inside the car and despite his annoyance, Sam drummed his fingers on his legs to the rhythm of the song.

Soon, they were driving away from the city, farm houses stretching out more and more the farther they drove out. He began laughing when Sam started panicking, looking out the windows with fear in his eyes.

“Calm down Sam.”

“How the hell am I gonna calm down when you’re driving us out of the state?”

“You _gotta_ trust me or this whole thing won’t work out.”

His little brother fumed, glaring out the window with his arms folded tightly to his chest. It took another half hour for Dean to reach a point that was as far away from the city as he would go. Without warning, he turned a sharp left, earning a few honks from the upcoming traffic.

“Dean! What the hell?!”

“WOOHOO!” He was laughing hysterically, the car shaking with all the hills and rocks he drove over. Sam was grasping tightly to the seats, complete fear overwhelming his face.

Once they were ¾ of a mile away from the main road, Dean slammed on the brakes. Sam was shaking with fear when Dean was already out of the car.

“Come on Sammy, we ain’t got all night.”

He reached for the drinks that were on the backseat. They were still cold, which was good. Sam reluctantly got out of the car and followed Dean to the hood of the car.

“Dean, what-”

“Here.” He cracked open the Pepsi and handed it to Sam. He reluctantly took the can and sat beside Dean on the hood of the car. Dean opened his beer and leaned back on the windshield.

“Dean-”

“Shh, just,” he pointed to the sky.

Sam glared up at the sky before it turned to awe. The only source of light was the stars, the thousands and thousands of stars. It was beautiful. Sam leaned on the windshield alongside Dean.

And they stayed there for what felt like hours, looking up at the sky, not saying a word. There was no need for any words. The quiet was nice, something he needed, but that meant Dean had a lot of room to think. Cas was blocking him out and Dean was worried about the guy. Immediately, his chest began to ache. Not his heart, like _some_ people might think, but his chest. He shook his head and took a drink from his beer. Dean was spending time with his brother, NOT to be thinking of that jackass.

Dean pulled out his cigarette pack and smirked at Sam. He was expecting this whole speech but Sam just scoffed, not saying a word. It was a nice night.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Castiel was trying to pay attention in class since there was going to be a test next class, but he couldn’t think. Dean had texted him yesterday in the middle of the night but Castiel couldn’t bring himself to text back. All the text said,

“ _Remember our trip? It’s a pretty cool night.”_

It was cryptic yet it kept bothering him all day. Castiel knew he was being a jackass, Dean kept telling him that, but he couldn’t talk to him. He’d fucked up with his family and Dean had seen that. Honestly, Castiel was doing him a favor.

Even with that knowledge, Castiel wanted to contact Dean, tell him that he was fine, and apologize for the cold shoulder. _This class…_ He couldn’t think straight.

He walked towards his dorm without much enthusiasm. Nobody was in the suite and the silence was eerie, overwhelming him. Castiel should _really_ contact Dean. He was about to close his bedroom door but someone was knocking on the front door. Castiel heaved out a sigh. He needed sleep.

Castiel opened his door and felt his jaw slightly drop, but he quickly composed himself.

“Oh,” Dean said. His hands were shoved into his leather jacket pockets. His green shirt matched his eyes perfectly, but Castiel shouldn’t have noticed.

They stared at each other without saying a word. “I’ll leave you to it,” Dean said, glaring at him before turning away.

“Dean.”

He turned around with a scowl on his face. “What?”

 _What the hell does he say now?_ “Uh- I’m sorry.” _Smooth._

“Yeah,” his face was devoid of emotion but anger filled his eyes, “whatever.”

He turned to leave again but Castiel needed to make this right. He ran after Dean, putting himself in between Dean and the door.

“What the hell do you want Cas?”

“I’m sorry for being a jackass. I’ve been dealing with a lot the last couple of weeks and I couldn’t talk to you. I’m sorry.”

Dean kept glaring at him. Castiel was shorter than Dean by an inch, but he felt like he was four feet tall.

“I just think it a little hypocritical that you were pissed at Ana for not calling and then you do the same.”

“I know-”

“Clearly you don’t.” He was pissed and Castiel understood why, but it was still terrifying to see Dean that mad. “I’ve been going crazy just worrying about you. When I told you that I was there for you, _I meant it._ We were both there and yet you took it upon yourself to deal with this crap alone.”

“Because it’s my family.”

“And I’m your friend Cas. I don’t care that your family is fucked up, I _know_ about fucked up families, yet I wanted to help you but you just turned your back on me.”

“I was dealing with it.” Now Castiel was pissed off. He understood why Dean was mad but the crap he was saying was really pushing his buttons.

“I know you were dealing with it Cas, but if somebody keeps on calling you, _you pick up the damn phone._ No exception.”

“Dean-”

“Apologize all you want but that ain’t gonna make this better.” Dean pushed past Castiel. That was a successful apology.

He went back inside of his dorm, dumping himself onto his bed. Castiel was tired but he couldn’t fall asleep. He turned to look out the window, able to see Dean’s Impala. Dean was resting his forehead against the door’s frame. All Castiel wanted to do was go to him, but he couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ , just chase after him. His tattoo was smoking again, pulling on his chest, telling him to go after Dean. _Shut the hell up tattoo, nobody asked you._ It took a while for him to fall asleep, yet his tattoo kept on burning throughout the night. Stupid “soulmate” crap.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean had thought that when his mom had died, that had been the worst day of his life. He didn’t remember the day, the only memory being of his little brother in his arms, but his mom still died. But now, the feeling of absolute worthlessness and fear that consumed him, THAT made this whole experience the worst day of his life.

“Bobby, please, _please,_ tell me you’ve heard something.”

“Sorry son,” Bobby began, Dean sighing in exasperation, “I’ve been drivin’ up and down each street, goin’ to every place you said he might be, but nothin’.”

“Come on Bobby! He can’t just have _disappeared!_ ”

“Hey, I know you’re mad right now but we ain’t solvin’ anythin’ by yellin’ and thinkin’ out of our asses.”

“Yeah,” Dean sighed out, dragging his hands through his hair, “yeah, you’re right.”

“…I’ll keep looking, but Dean,” Bobby paused and Dean took a deep drag of his cigarette.

“Yeah?”

“Just remember that Sam didn’t do anything wrong, don’t hold that against him.”

“Yeah.” He leaned against the Impala as he tried his hardest to calm down. Sam’s school was the type that kept parents informed about the students at all times. When Dean had been at the shop, Dean got a call from school reporting that Sam hadn’t made it to school. Already he was freaking out because Sam _never_ missed school. Dean tried calling him multiple times but he only got voice mail and he wasn’t at the house either. He didn’t want to, but his mind immediately thought of the worst possible crap that could’ve happened to his little brother, to his best friend.

Around that time, Sam would’ve been out of school, meaning Jess would be out too. Sam might’ve not told Dean where he was going, but he must’ve told his girlfriend where he would go.

It was hard finding her with all the high schoolers walking around and since he had only seen her once and very briefly. Eventually, he found her by the bleachers that faced the football field with all her friends. As he approached the group, the girls gawked at him and whispered to each other. If the circumstances were different, Dean would’ve been flattered and would’ve left with all of their numbers, but since everything was going to hell in his life, he only spared them a polite smile.

“Uh, Jess?” She turned around with a smile on her face, clearly not recognizing him.

“Yes?”

“Hey, I’m- I’m Dean-”

“Oh! Hi, Sam’s talked about you.”

“That’s- that’s fantastic. Listen, could we talk?”

The girls were still whispering to each other, asking Jess to hook them up, but Jess ignored them. She was able to see the urgency in Dean’s voice, sensing that something was wrong. She nodded and Dean led them away from the group of girls, just far away so that all the people talking wouldn’t distract him even more.

“What’s up?” He felt horrible seeing the look of worry Jess was giving him, but he had no other choice.

“Sam didn’t come to school today.”

“Yeah, I know, I thought he wasn’t feeling well or something. Is- is everything okay.”

She didn’t know. _She didn’t FUCKING know._ The only person he was hoping would give him the answer he was looking for and she didn’t know.

“Dean?”

He focused on Jess and he felt even worse. She was scared, Jess was thinking the worst had happened and Dean couldn’t say anything to make her feel better since he was thinking the same damn thing.

“If you hear anything, _anything,_ from him, please,” he pulled out a receipt from his pocket and wrote down his number on it, “call me.”

“Yeah, but what’s going on?”

Dean rubbed his hands on her shoulders, heaving out a huge sigh. “I don’t know.”

“I hope everything is okay.”

“Me too, Jess.” They were both worried and neither of them had any idea what to think. It was awful. Even though this was their first conversation, first interaction, Jess hugged Dean. He held tight to her and she buried her face in his chest. Dean wasn’t one to cry about any stupid thing, but at that moment, he felt his heart break in two. Why did Sam just leave? Without telling anyone? Where the hell could he be?

Jess let go of him and he was a little relieved, feeling like he would break down at any second, but at the same time missed the comfort.

“I’ll call you if I hear anything.”

“Thanks, I will too.” Dean ran back to his car before he did anything he was going to regret.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He’d spent the whole day looking for Sam and wasn’t able to find a single clue that led him to his brother. Dean was helpless, felt like he had fucked up everything he had ever worked for, that everything he had sacrificed for Sam had just gone down the drain.

Dean had finally stopped looking when the clock hit 10 at night, knowing his dad would be pissed. Dean had begged Bobby not to tell John about the whole situation. That was one reason Dean was so involved in Sam’s academic life, why he had given the school his number instead of his dad’s; he didn’t want John to think Sam was screwing up because of Dean, he didn’t want John to think Sam had screwed up _at all_.

The lights were on inside the house, the first indicator that Dean was already fucked. He walked towards the front door slowly, preparing himself for what was about to come, and trying desperately to stop his hands from shaking. Dean put his key into the lock but the door was already unlocked. That was weird since his dad always locked the door. He didn’t know what he was expecting when he walked into the living room, but it wasn’t what was there; his dad was cleaning car parts with a greasy rag while the TV quietly showed the news.

“Hey dad.”

John kept cleaning the parts without even glancing in Dean’s direction. He was expecting yelling for an explanation but all he got was the cold shoulder.  Dean didn’t know if it was acceptable to go up to his room or to say another word, but then John let down the parts and turned off the TV.

“I got a call today.” The calmness of his voice was terrifying.

“Yeah?”

“From a girl named Jess.”

 _Yep, I’m fucked._ “What’d she say?”

“Not much,” John said as he stood up from the couch and moved towards Dean, “just asked if we’d heard anything from Sam and when we did to call her.”

Dean couldn’t look up at his father, couldn’t help his hands from shaking, and couldn’t help the fear running through his every bone.

“Were you planning on telling me my son was missing?”

“I have it under control,” he muttered.

“Clearly, you don’t.” When his dad raised his hand, Dean knew exaclty what to expect. He felt the blow hit his left cheek and travel throughout his whole face. He was use to the hits and was able to keep his balance.

“He’s my son Dean, you can’t just keep this crap from me!”

“I wasn’t! I just didn’t want to involve you when I had this under control.”

His face was aching and he was fuming but he still couldn’t look up at his father. A bruise had already begun to form and he could feel it, feel the hit his dad had inflicted on him.

“Your brother, _my son_ , is missing! Sammy is probably-”

“It’s Sam,” Dean murmured.

“What?” John was furious but was able to maintain a calm voice.

“It’s not Sammy. It’s Sam.”

“So what? I don’t have the great privilege to call my own son Sammy?”

“I didn’t say that.” Dean had to get himself out of the hole he just digged  himself.

John got closer to Dean but he didn’t back away. “Where the hell is my son?”

“…I don’t know.” It was merely a whisper. Dean didn’t flinch when his dad raised his hand again, but he couldn’t keep his balance the second time. He stretched out his arms as he landed on the cool floor. Dean didn’t even have time to catch his breath when John got him by the collar and lifted him off the ground. John didn’t say a word, just glared at Dean, when another punch erupted new pain on his face.

He hit the floor again and was able to see his own blood drip down to the floor. Dean could hear his dad’s heavy footsteps retreating towards the staircase.

Dean let out a shaky breath, letting the moment sink in before he made himself get up and head towards the door. He couldn’t be there and didn’t know where to go at that time of night. His thoughts were interrupted when his phone began to rang, flashing Bobby’s name on the screen.

“Bobby, right now isn’t a good time-”

“Sam’s here.”

The ground began to spin underneath him and his heart completely stopped.

“Dean?”

“I’m on my way.”

“No, don’t”

“What?” The moment of shock was replaced with anger and confusion.

“Look, Sam is already beating himself up for just leavin’ without sayin’ a word and he doesn’t need you comin’ over and making him feel more like crap.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Sam just left Bobby! We were running all over the state looking for him and now you tell me he’s fine? I’m just glad he’s not in some ditch.”

Bobby was silent for a moment before answering. “I know you're pissed, and I'm not making apologies for what he's done, but he's your...”

“Blood? He’s my blood? Is that what you were gonna say?”

“He’s your brother. And he’s drowning.”

“No, dammit! No. I gotta face the facts. Sam never wanted part of this family, ran away the first chance he got without a simple damn goodbye.”

“He didn’t run away Dean he’s right here.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that he left.”

There was silence from the other line, but then he heard loud crashing and glass breaking. “You stupid, stupid son of a bitch! Well, boo hoo! I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!”

“I gotta go.”

“Dean!”

“I gotta go!” Dean hanged up and fumed for a while. He was digging himself deeper into the hole he was desperately trying to get out from.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He had finally fallen asleep when the suite phone began to ring. Ash was the heaviest sleeper he knew so he wasn’t getting up any time to answer the phone. The other suitemates weren’t waking up to pick up the phone so it kept on ringing and being a major pain in the ass. Castiel was trying his hardest to ignore the phone but it became a little harder when he heard the voice talking in to the voice mail.

“Hey, Cas, I know it’s late but,” Dean let out a shaky breath, then laughed this bitter twisted laugh that made Castiel get out of bed and head to the living room.

“I didn’t know who else to call so I just called the first name on my contacts.” Dean’s voice was strained and that made Castiel worry even more. “This is fucking stupid,” he murmured away from the phone but close enough for Castiel to hear. “Cas, if you hear this before tomorrow, and I hope to _God_ you do, can come pick me up? I think I’m too drunk to drive. I’m at the shop and if you know where that is, power to you, and if you don’t… just come for me please.”

Castiel was already out the door by the time Dean had said the words ‘pick me up.’

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

There was a single light on outside the garage, sending chills down Castiel’s spine as he entered through the unlocked front door. The shop was submerged in darkness but there was some light filtering out through the shades inside the office. He didn’t know the protocol when looking for his drunken friend; did he knock on the door? Did he barge in screaming bloody murder? In the end, Castiel decided to knock before going in and possibly seeing something he might regret.

“Come in.” Dean was sitting behind the desk, his back turned to the door. In one hand he had a half filled bottle of whiskey and in the other he had his cigarette.

“Dean?” He quietly closed the door behind him and slowly walked towards the desk.

“Cas, hey. Sorry for calling this late, I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Dean, what’s wrong?”

Dean hadn’t turned around to face Castiel, but he did put the cigarette to his lips and blow out smoke, followed by drinking half of the whiskey he had left.

“Sam ran away today.”

“What?!”

“He’s a Bobby’s now. He’s fine, but dad was fucking pissed.”

Castiel slowly walked around the desk, getting closer to Dean. His voice was broken, cracking at certain points but Castiel could still hear how broken it sounded.

“Dean.” He finally turned to face Castiel and what he saw made him crumble to his knees at Dean’s feet; his left eye was swollen so much Dean couldn’t open his eye, his left cheek was cut and slowly oozing blood, the right side of his face completely bruised.

“Sam didn’t even tell me.” Castiel reached up to touch Dean’s hand, but Dean grasped Castiel’s hand. “I can’t give him the perfect life he deserves Cas, but I tried, I fucking tried.”

This wasn’t Dean, the man who hid behind his sense of humor, it was someone else. But at the same time, this was _exactly_ Dean. He let their hands fall down onto Dean’s lap, tightly grasping to each other, while he reached his other hand to the cut. Dean let him touch it, grimacing only slightly.

“What happened to you?” he whispered. Who the hell could do this to Dean? To anybody?

“I tried for Sam. I gave him _everything_ I could.”

“I know you did.” Dean needed ice on the bruises and something for the cut. They needed to go back home.

“Come on,” Castiel whispered soothingly as he made Dean stand up too, “let’s take you home.”

“No!” There was a look of absolute fear that flashed through Dean’s eyes. “No, please Cas, don’t take me home.”

“Okay, I- I won’t.”

“Promise you won’t take me home,” Dean said, letting a single tear fall from the eye that wasn’t swollen. “Promise you won’t take me home.”

Dean pulled Castiel towards him and hugged him tightly. His tattoo was steaming but he didn’t give a damn at that moment. He let Dean sink his face on Castiel’s shoulder, letting his own hands snake under Dean’s arm and placed his hand on his back, slowly rubbing up and down his spine.

“I promise.” It was the worst deja vu he’d ever gotten. Castiel placed his hand on the nape of Dean’s neck, the same way Dean had when he had needed the comfort. He let Dean shake with grief, let every sob travel through him, and soaked in the tears that drenched his shirt.

When they got home, Castiel led him towards his room but Dean shook his head, dropping on the couch. Castiel draped a blanket on top of him but Dean sat up and shook the blanket off.

“You need sleep Dean.”

“Please…” he was looking up at Castiel, “I can’t. I need some help. Please…”

Castiel didn’t even have to hesitate to sit beside Dean on the couch and didn’t bother wondering when Dean clutched to him again. He felt Dean fall asleep against him, but when he tried getting up his embrace became tighter around his waist. Castiel leaned them against the arm of the couch, his legs cradling Dean’s body as he laid his head against Castiel’s chest. It was hard grabbing the blanket without making him stir but eventually it was managed. Eventually, he fell asleep to the smell of Dean’s hair that was pressed to his nose, their heartbeats in the same rhythm.


	13. Chapter 13

His face still throbbed from yesterday’s beating, but at least he was comfortable. The pillow he was laying on was warm and smelled really good, and when Dean rubbed his face against it the fabric was soft on the bruises on his face. He wrapped his arms tighter around the pillow, burrowing his face into the fabric. It was still dark in the living room, so why in the _hell_ was he awake? Dean lifted his head and immediately concluded that he was still dreaming; Cas was asleep, resting his head against the arm rest, with the most peaceful look on his face. He tried to lift himself off of the other guy, when he felt a hand slip down to his waist. What the hell happened last night? Dean slowly moved out _from in_ _between Cas’ legs_ before Cas woke up too. He was unsuccessful when his chest began to ache and his groan was louder than what he expected.

“ _Oh no…_ ” What was he doing on top of Cas? Why did he have his hands wrapped around the guy? _Why the FUCK were they sharing the same damn blanket?_

He was able to slip off without much struggle, the only sound that came from Cas being a quiet sigh.

Dean rubbed his face to drag away the grogginess of the morning but ended up hurting all over. He was able to feel his swollen eye, winced at the pain from touching his bruises, and tried to scratch at the dry blood from his cut. He didn’t know if it was true but he was pretty sure he looked better than what how he felt.

The kitchen light almost blinded his one good eye but he was able to reach the coffee pot without hitting himself too many times against other objects. His head was pounding from the whiskey and his breath smelt even worse than usual because of the cigarettes from yesterday. At least the coffee was good, lifting the layer of haziness and replacing it with realization of yesterday’s events.

He quickly drank his coffee and walked back into the living room, looking for his jacket and his shoes without turning on the light. Apparently he wasn’t as stealthy as he thought. Cas stretched on the couch, startled that Dean wasn’t on top of him. Oh _God_ what did he do last night.

Dean walked towards Cas and crouched down to eye level with him. “Hey.”

Cas had just turned to lie on his chest and seemed to have fallen back asleep but then Dean was slapped with the smell of morning breath. “What are you doing up?”

Dean gaged at the smell but realized his own breath must be toxic so he just shoved the corner of the blanket into Cas’ mouth. He protested and spit it out but still didn’t open his eyes.

“It’s still dark outside, what are-”

“I gotta go.”

That’s when Cas opened one eye to look at Dean. It was getting lighter in the room, the blue in his eyes looking completely black.

“But it’s still dark outside.”

Dean huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, you already said that.”

Cas was still looking at him with one eye, but then turned on his side to look better at Dean. “You look like crap.”

“Thanks Cas you look great too.” Cas reached out a hand towards Dean’s face but he couldn’t go deeper into the hole, so he turned away from the hand and stood up. “My shift starts in a couple of hours but I want to go to Bobby’s before then.”

“Not like that,” Cas said as he sat up.

“What do you mean?”

“Your face is more than damaged and Sam probably feels terrible about what he did, I don’t think he needs to see the consequences of it.”

Dean knew Cas was right but it still pissed him off to hear that from Cas, the day after they had finally interacted after two weeks of the cold shoulder.

“I don’t need to hear this, okay? Especially from you, YOU don’t get to judge what I do or don’t do,” he bit back. Cas didn’t even bat an eye, looking at Dean with calmness that made Dean want to punch him in the face.

“I’ll get you some ice.” He stood up and walked past Dean, pulling him by the back of his leather jacket. Dean protested but Cas had a _really_ strong grip so he just fumed as he was pulled into the kitchen. Cas went about the kitchen, pulling open drawers and taking out a small Ziploc bag while Dean just leaned against the doorframe glaring at him. He put a dozen ice cubes into the bag and passed it to Dean, proceeding to wet a paper towel.

“What the hell are you doing now?”

“You have blood all over your cheek and chin. We don’t want people knowing you got the crap beaten out of you.”

“Yeah? Want us to be a matching set?”

Cas spared him a look before exiting the kitchen and leaving Dean feeling like crap. He was turning his back on everyone that was desperately trying to help him and he didn’t need somebody else to be mad at him. He went back into the living room but Cas wasn’t there anymore.

Yeah, Dean had been pissed at Cas for ignoring him the whole two weeks when he clearly needed help, but now he was doing the same thing, pushing Cas away for saying what he was thinking.

He quietly knocked on the bedroom door and it was immediately swung opened, Cas inches away from his face.

“I told you sorry yesterday the _best_ way I could and you decided to ignore it. When you were slowly killing yourself at the shop you called ME. Now, I could’ve pretended to not hear that message but I ran to YOU. You want to be an ass about the things you are thinking but can’t hear, fine, but I’m not going to just stand there and listen to you whine and bitch.”

He didn’t want to admit it but he was scared of the guy at that moment. Cas was so quiet and civilized but when he got mad, you didn’t want to be in a 5-mile radius from him. He looked down at his ice pack and wet paper towel and, like a small child, lifted up the ice pack to Cas without looking up.

Cas scoffed, but yanked the ice pack from Dean and sat on the couch. He sat next to him but still didn’t look him in the eyes while Cas lightly pressed the ice on the swollen eye. Dean winced a little but took the pain he thought he deserved while holding the ice to his eye and Cas cleaned the dried blood. He finally lifted his good eye to look at Cas but he wasn’t looking at him, solely focused on cleaning his cut.

“Cas… I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“About what?” Cas was frowning at the cut, doing that cute thing where he scrunches his nose with every dab.

“For turning on you like that.”

Cas smiled, turning his gaze to Dean’s good eye while still cleaning the cut, “I wasn’t exactly ‘peachy’ towards you either.”

“So you’re sayin’ we’re both a couple of dumbasses?”

“I’d prefer the word ‘trusting’. Less dumb. Less ass.” Dean smiled in the close space they were sharing. “So, are we good?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, his swollen eye feeling much better, “we’re good.”

“Good.” Cas cleaned the rest of the cut and bandaged it up before he found it the appropriate time to go to Bobby’s.

“Want me to go?” Dean was a little taken aback by that offer.

“Why?”

“Well, you were when I dealt with my family so I thought I could return the favor.”

He considered it but he wasn’t sure how he was going to react when seeing his brother. “No, I didn’t go with you because I felt like I had to so you shouldn’t either.”

Cas seemed a little hurt, looking like a puppy that was whacked on the nose with a newspaper.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“I’ll text you when Sam is back home.” It was weird offering to inform Cas but it seemed like the right thing to do after his scene the day before.

He walked towards the door, Cas following close behind. Dean turned to face him, patting him on the shoulder before he got out the door.

He had tried to ignore it but couldn’t anymore; since the moment he had woken up _on top of Cas_ , his chest had been aching and his hands had been sweaty all morning.

But now that he was leaving, wondering how the hell he was going to get through the next couple of hours, he ran back to knock on Cas’ door.

“Did you forget anything?”

“Can you come with me?”

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He had parked the Impala outside Bobby’s place half an hour ago but hadn’t gotten out of the car. Cas didn’t say anything to him, which he appreciated; gave him time to think of a game plan. Dean was pissed at Sam for leaving, for not even letting him drop by last night, and he was scared he would take that out on his little brother. There was a reason for him just leaving and Dean wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

That’s when he decided to get out of the car; he wanted to hear the punk ass reason for him dipping with no word to anybody. Dean marched towards the door fuming, Cas following at a safe distance. He banged on the door until Bobby opened it. Bobby had a scowl on his face that was slapped away the moment he saw Dean’s face.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“Tripped down some stairs.”

“I may have been born at night, boy, but I wasn’t born last night.”

“Is Sammy up?”

Bobby shook his head, but opened the screen door. “Yeah, he’s in the kitchen.”

He stepped inside and Bobby pulled him into a hug, patting him hard on the back. It was the best he’d felt all morning, but the anger was still boiling underneath his skin.

Dean maneuvered his way around the giant piles of books, half way to the kitchen when his brother walked into the door frame.

“Dean, I am SO sorry.”

Dean thought that when he saw his brother, his anger would just get stronger and he would charge Sam like an angry bull. But seeing Sam, _his little brother,_ completely fine and not on the side of the road, all his anger disappeared.

“Dean, I can explain-” He did charge Sam but instead of beating the living crap out of him like he thought he would, he pulled him into a tight embrace.

“I’m so sorry Dean. I-”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Sam didn’t say another word. They stood there, holding onto each other, for what seemed like an eternity. Bobby eventually cleared his throat and Sam pulled away.

“Hey, Cas.”

Cas gave a polite smile with a nod, “Sam.”

“Come on boys, I’ll make you some breakfast.” The three of them sat down at the table while Bobby pulled crap out of the fridge and started cooking whatever was considered breakfast.

Dean felt amazing at that moment; he was besides his brother, Cas was there like the fucking awesome friend that he was, and Bobby was cooking them breakfast. It was fucking amazing.

Or it was, until Dean noticed the purple bruise on Sam’s right cheek.

“What the fuck happened there?” Dean grabbed Sam’s face and turned it to face him, staring at the bruise with horror.

“Hey,” Sam struggled out of Dean’s hold but he was still staring at the purple print on his brother, “that’s actually why I…”

“Ran away?” Dean supplied.

“Yeah…” Sam looked down at the table guiltily.

“Dean…” He glanced at Cas. Cas was judging him with his gaze, telling him to cool it, and _of course_ , he was right. Dean rolled his one good eye before turning his attention back to Sam.

“What happened?”

“That… morning,” Sam said to the table, “you were at Lisa’s, so my dad was going to take me to school since you had an early shift that day.”

Sam was getting shifty in his chair, struggling to get the rest of the story out. Dean, without meaning to, _without wanting to_ , imagined what could’ve happened and he could feel his heart starting to race.

“Sam, what happened?”

He didn’t look at Dean, just kept staring down at the table, his lower lip trembling, making Dean’s heart race even more.

“Dad found the applications in my backpack…”

And there it was, the horrible truth he didn’t want to believe, yet it was there, taunting Dean.

“Tell me it wasn’t dad, Sam.” He didn’t answer, but his eyes got all watery. “Sam…” Dean needed to calm down, he needed to think about the situation, but all he could think about was his fists on his dad’s face. “Sam… please, _please,_ tell me…” He was just getting madder the more he thought about it, thought about what his dad had done.

“Dean,” Cas calmly said, called out to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, holding him down to the chair.

“Sam… tell me, TELL ME IT WASN’T DAD!”

“Dean!” Bobby was trying to hold him down now too but he couldn’t just sit there. He pushed them off, pacing around the kitchen, his whole body shaking with rage.

“Can I at least explain?”

“ _I can’t believe this…_ ”

“Dean, it wasn’t like that.”

“ _I can’t fucking believe this…_ ”

“DEAN!” Sam was up now too, pushing Dean up against the wall. “Can you calm down and fucking LISTEN to me!”

He was still furious when he pushed Sam away, but stared him down without saying a word.

“Dad saw the applications, and he was pissed, OF COURSE he was pissed, and he gave me this whole speech about the family business and my responsibilities and other crap like that. He was just getting madder and madder the more I tried to explain it to him. He tried to leave as to not do something he would regret-”

“Yeah, except fucking with you so fucking with me.”

“DEAN.” He glared down at the floor, and Sam kept going; “He was leaving and I was trying to tell him that it was my choice whether I went to college or not. I was pulling on his jacket, trying to get his attention or _something._ But he was too mad to talk so when I was pulling on his jacket, he pushed me off and when I fell to the floor, I hit my cheek pretty hard.

Dean huffed out a bitter laugh. “I can’t believe you’re trying to defend that son of a bitch.”

“I’m not! That’s the truth. Dean, I swear he didn’t mean it, there’s no need to be mad-”

“Except for the fact that he fucking decided to fucking touch you.”

Sam was mad now too and Dean knew it was because of him. “Are you fucking deaf? I told you that he didn’t mean to Dean! I overreacted with the whole situation.”

“No you fucking did now! That son of a bitch-”

“Our dad Dean.”

“Stop trying to defend him!”

Dean couldn’t think straight, the ground was spinning beneath him and he was seeing spots everywhere.

“Dean,” Sam quietly said, standing closer to Dean, “my dad didn’t do this to me… we both know that…”

It was true, no matter what Sam did, no matter how much he could fuck up, John would _never_ touch Sam. Only Dean had that privilege.

“Where the hell did you go?” he grumbled, glancing from Sam to the floor and back to Sam.

“I was here…”

“WHAT?!” Dean glared at Bobby but Sam was already explaining.

“I asked him not to say anything because even he didn’t believe my dad didn’t hit me so we both knew how you’d react.”

“Damn it Bobby! You couldn’t have told me?! Put me out of my misery?!”

Bobby was watching with calm disregard, his arms folded to his chest. “I know that you were feeling like crap-”

“LIKE HELL YOU DO!”

“-but I stand to what I did.”

“Are you fucking serious? I was ready to call the damn police, start checking the fucking morgues!”

“Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t, “Sam jokingly said.

“Don’t fucking make fun of me.”

Sam was still smiling, but he was pleading with Dean to understand, and how the hell was he expected to say no to those puppy dog eyes.

“Fine. Okay, I- I believe you thought you were doing the right thing.”

“Thanks.”

Sam gave him one of those goofy smiles of his and Dean couldn’t hold back his own smile. They hugged it out again, Dean holding tightly to his brother. He looked over at Cas, completely have forgotten that he was even there. Dean gave him a small smile that he returned with his own smile and thumbs up. He huffed out a laugh, burying his face in his brother’s shoulder.

“You two are breaking my heart, but Sam needs to get to school and you need to get to work.”

The Winchester brothers sat back down at the table with all the tension in the room removed. Cas was staring at him with a half-smile on his lips. Dean gave him a huge grin, grabbing his hand off the table and holding onto it tightly.

“Thanks.”

Cas squeezed his hand in return, smiling. They kept contact for a few heartbeats more than necessary. Dean looked over at Sam, who was trying to bite back a smile. 


	14. Chapter 14

Bobby had offered to drive them but Dean wanted to be as far from him as he could. Dean understood, or tried to anyways, why he had done it, didn’t make it less of a jackass move from his part, and hadn’t argued with him because he was relieved his little brother was fine. He drove Sam to school since it was the closest to Bobby’s, and the rest of the ride to Cas’ campus was spent in silence.

They didn’t say much, or anything, but Cas kept glancing at Dean and clearing his throat.

“Okay,” he said when he had had enough of the side looks, “what is it?”

Cas looked a little startled after going 5 minutes without saying a word, looking down at his hands before answering. “You handled that well.”

“How was I supposed to react?”

“I don’t know, I thought you would be more…”

Dean glanced over at Cas. “What?”

“You seemed really pissed and suddenly dropped the subject as soon as they said, ‘Woops, won’t happen again.’”

“I was just glad Sam was fine, wasn’t going to make him feel worse than he already felt.”

Cas scoffed. Dean was starting to get a little irritated at that point.

“What the hell’s up with you?”

“What do you mean?” Cas said, looking at Dean with confusion.

“First, you say that I should cool it with Sam because he would be feeling like crap, and now you’re telling me that I am not angry enough about the situation. What’s your deal?”

“Nothing’s my deal, I’m just concerned.”

“I don’t need you to be concerned.”

Cas didn’t say another word, which was good because Dean wasn’t in the mood to hear anything else. He stopped the car outside the gates of the campus, Cas opening the door but not getting out.

“Dean.” He couldn’t look at Cas, his gaze fixed on the car parked in front of him, “I know you’re mad, just remember who you’re mad at.”

Cas got out and walked into the campus without looking back but Dean couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from him. He lit up half way to the garage, his hands shaking the closer he got, trying to focus on the words of the songs that played through the speakers. Bobby said that right after he had called Dean the night before he had called John too. Dean was just worried of how they would act around each other, if Dean would forget that John was his father and beat the crap out of him. Sam had explained that his dad hadn’t meant to but Dean kept seeing what his dad was capable of doing.

When he got to the shop, he parked his car next to John’s beat up pickup truck. He was already at his station, working on the hood of some car, but looked up when Dean passed by.

“Dean.”

Dean stopped and looked down at his shoes, the cigarette still hanging from his mouth. His dad walked up to him, folding his arms to his chest, and Dean looked up at him. John yanked the cigarette from his mouth and threw it on the ground without taking his eyes off of Dean. “I’ve told you not to smoke.”

He was a few words from exploding, so he just pushed past John but he didn’t get too far before his dad addressed him again.

“Where were you last night?”

He shook his head in annoyance. NOW his dad cared about what happened to his eldest son. “Out,” Dean said without looking back.

“Where?”

“It’s none of your business.”

Dean knew as the words came out of his mouth that he had screwed up. John grabbed him by the shoulder and harshly turned him around, glaring down at him. Suddenly, the adrenalin that pushed him to talk back was gone.

“I’m still your dad,” he said with anger swimming in his eyes. “You can’t talk to me like that. Got it?”

“Yes sir,” Dean mumbled. John glared at him for a few seconds before letting his shoulder go and walking back to his station. He walked towards his station with much less swagger than what he walked in with, his head dropped and his shoulders hunched.

“Dean!” Garth clapped him on the back with a very cheery smile on his face. “Finally you got here.” Dean glared at Garth and once he saw Dean’s face, his smile was wiped off with shock. “What the hell happened to you?”

His eye was still slightly swollen but the rest of his face looked like crap.

“Nothing Garth, fell down a couple of stairs.” He pushed opened the hood of the car in his station and started  inspecting the engine, looking for what was wrong with it.

“Are you sure? Because this one time I fell down the stairs and let me tell you, I did NOT look pretty either but you look like you lost a fight against a rock.”

Garth would’ve kept talking if it wasn’t for the glare Dean gave him. He backed away and Dean sank into his work, his hands flying over the wires and tools. The rest of the cars had simple problems that Dean was able to fix within 15 minutes and before he knew it he was done. A sigh of relief escaped him when he realized he could leave early that day. Dean was still working on the last car he had that day when Bobby walked up to him, leaning over the hood.

“A car just came in and since you still have half an hour left, mind checkin’ it out?”

Dean glared at Bobby but since it was true he couldn’t argue against him. “I’ll get to it when I’m done here,” he said as he looked back down at the engine.

“Actually, can you do it now?”

“I’ll get to it when I get to it Bobby.”

“It’s just-”

“Bobby can you cram it for damn minute and let me finish here? I said I would get to it so you could stop being such a pain in the ass.”

Dean _really_ could keep his mouth shut that day. He didn’t have a chance to look up from the engine when he was being dragged by the collar.

“Hey!” He was pulled into Bobby’s office, right next to his station, and the door was slammed closed.

“What the hell’s the matter with you, boy?”

“All over the damn state Bobby! And you couldn’t pick up the fucking phone and tell me he was with you!”

Bobby’s face fell into a look of defeat. “I thought you understood.”

“Of course I fucking said that Bobby! My brother gets up and leaves and I’m going crazy looking for him and I ask you to look and you tell me he’s not anywhere when he was with you!”

“Dean, calm down.”

“A simple heads up would’ve been nice. But no, you and Sam make your little club and decide not to let me in on it.”

“We did it because we knew how you’d react.”

“What about now?” Dean placed his hands on the desk, leaning forward to look at Bobby, standing on the other side of it. “Huh? What makes you think I won’t just go over to my old man and give him what he deserves?”

“We both know you won’t do that.”

“And I thought we both knew you were a damn honest person, guess we were both wrong in that department.”

Bobby looked at Dean with a look of guilt. No, _pity._ “I wanted to tell you but Sam asked me not to.”

“And you say ‘fuck that!’ You’re always saying crap like ‘family don’t end with blood’ and other crap like that yet you can’t pick up the damn phone and tell me MY family is not dead under a bridge.”

Dean left the office before Bobby could get out another word and slammed down the hood of the car. He was done with that car and he was damned if Bobby thought he would do the other car. Dean left the garage and walked over to his Baby and it was as if his luck kept getting worse and worse; his dad was leaning against his truck, waiting for Dean. He _definitely_ didn’t want to get into it at that time.

“Dad, can we not do this now?”

“We ARE doing this now, Dean. Back there-”

“I was an ass, I get it. Sam’s about to get out of school so can we really get into this another time?” John looked at Dean with disbelief obvious on his face. “Okay, thanks.”

And to add insult to injury, he put a cigarette in his mouth before getting into his car and driving off.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Sam was still putting his crap into his backpack when Dean parked the car outside of their house and that was the best time to get everything off his chest.

“So, Sam,” his little brother looked over at Dean. “Any plans today?”

“Yeah, actually, Jess and I were planning to go to the movies. Why?”

“Well, some things need to be put down from now on?”

Sam had stopped packing his stuff. “Like what?”

“Well, after your little stunt yesterday, I think it’s appropriate to say you can’t leave the house unless for school.”

He scoffed but when Dean didn’t smile or take his eyes off of him, Sam became confused. “Wait, you’re serious?” Dean nodded. “You’re grounding me?”

“Pretty much.” He got out of the car and Sam scrambled out too.

“You can’t just ground me Dean!”

“Yes,” he turned to face Sam  who was still on his side of the car, “I am. Since dad is not home and you are still underage, I can do whatever the hell I want, like grounding you for example.”

“But I have plans! And you said you understood!”

“You and Bobby both think that me saying that I understand also means that I’m not mad.”

Sam rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in exasperation. “I said I was sorry.”

“And I get that but I’m still pissed. So get your little rebel ass inside and cancel all your plans for the next month.”

“Month?!”

Dean was too tired to deal with Sam’s whining and it seemed like ages last time he saw Lisa. “Yeah Sam, month. Now, are you going to get inside or am I gonna have to _drag_ you?”

Sam fumed and glared at Dean before hanging his head in defeat and walking into the house. Dean watched his little brother go inside before letting out the heavy breath he was holding onto. He hated having to do crap like that to Sam but he needed to realize that what he did was wrong and Dean wouldn’t stand for that.

He got back in his car and drove towards the café in which Lisa was a waitress in. Dean was smoking the last cigarette from his pack. He was going to have to buy a new one before work. He pulled into the Gas ‘N Sip that was a couple blocks away from the café, dropping his cigarette into the ashes on top of the trash can. He was strolling through the aisles and picking up bags of chips and other candies. Dean was about to head to the register when a bundle of messy black hair at the end of the line caught his attention.

“I personally like the barbeque Pringles better than the cheddar cheese ones,” Dean said as he leaned over Cas’ shoulder.

Cas didn’t so much as flinch but he did move a little forward so Dean wasn’t pressing right onto his back.

“Hello Dean.”

“Don’t sound too excited to see me.”

“I am jumping up and down with enthusiasm.” Dean smiled and stood next to Cas, their shoulders brushing against each other. He tried to convince himself that the only reason for his chest to hurt was because of how much he smoked.

“Oh Cas you flatter me?”

Cas looked over at all the stuff Dean had in hand and raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you feeding a small village?”

“Hey, these are for the ride.”

Cas chuckled and stepped forward as the line moved. “Your eye is looking better.”

“All thanks to my handy nurse.”

They moved up in line and started splaying their snacks on the counter. Dean asked for a pack of smokes, Cas raising an eyebrow at him. He winked at him and felt the same prickling pain on his chest. _Damn it, Dean._

“Are you guys together?” The cashier asked.

“What?” Dean’s face started to heat up and his hands began to get sweaty. “What? Why- why would you-? Why would you-? What?!”

Cas and the cashier were both staring at Dean and that didn’t make his face any less red.

“Uh,” Cas was still frowning at him but was talking to the cashier, “yeah, we’re _paying_ together.”

 _DAMN IT, DEAN!_ He gave a nervous laugh that he turned into coughs as to clear the awkwardness. It didn’t work.

“And, uh, can I get some cigarettes too?”

“Sure,” she said as she turned to get the pack. He could feel Cas looking at him but he couldn’t look back, instead focusing his eyes on the girl’s ass, afraid that he would stay red for the rest of his life. She turned back around and gave him a sheepish smile.

They walked out together in silence when Cas started to walk in the opposite direction.

“Cas, you want a ride?”

Cas turned but kept backing away, “It’s okay, the campus is not that far away.”

“Dude, its 10 blocks away. Come on, I’m already headed that way, let me give you a ride.” Cas stopped walking backwards and started walking towards Dean instead.

“Just try not to eat and drive, for my sake.”

“What’s wrong with me eating and driving?”

“You get really distracted when you eat and other cars don’t seem to like it when you drive straight at them.”

“Ha ha.”

When they had reached the first stop light Dean barely remembered that he wanted to go see Lisa and silently cursed at himself.

“Hey, how ‘bout some coffee?”

Cas frowned at him. “Coffee would be nice.”

Dean parked the car next to the small coffee shop and they headed inside. Cas went directly to the register but Dean stayed by the entrance, scanning the waitresses walking from table to table. He began to wonder if maybe he had forgotten she wasn’t working that day when his heart stopped.

Lisa was laughing and blushing and kept touching some guy’s arm. The guy was somebody that Dean was sure showered in money and diamonds, the kind of guy that paid to be seated in a reservations-only restaurant. And yet, he was also the type of guy that was making Lisa laugh and why the _hell_ was she blushing so damn much?

 _Maybe he’s a cousin,_ Dean desperately tried to convince himself. But then Lisa reached for her chest, _she REACHED for her CHEST,_ and Dean could feel his heart asking for breath.

Of course it was him, he was everything Dean wasn’t and couldn’t be. Lisa was meant to be with him, Dean knew that it was just a matter of time before she found him, and yet it still felt like complete fucking crap.

“Since you already had snacks to go in the car, I didn’t bother getting you a muffin or anything since, since it looks like you are about to drop dead. Dean what’s wrong?” Cas waved a hand in front of his face but Dean’s eyes were locked on Lisa. Why was she so happy? “Dean, what is it?”

“I’m not in the mood for coffee,” he whispered.

Castiel was looking at Dean’s fallen face, filled with despair and pain, but then followed his gaze; in the back of the café was the girl, Dean’s girlfriend, and she was with another guy.

“Dean…”

Back at the Gas ‘N Sip, Dean had checked out the cashier and Castiel had struggled not to reach towards his aching tattoo, but now, it was different. Castiel’s heart, not tattoo but his heart, strained towards Dean. He was in pain, he was hurting, and Castiel could do nothing but watch as the disaster stretched.

“Is that-?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you-?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you-?”

“Yeah.” Dean turned around and headed for his car. Castiel walked after him, forgetting the coffees, only wanting to be there for Dean.

Dean was already in the car, his forehead pressed against the steering wheel, smoke rising into the open window. He got into the car and, at first it was awkward, Castiel unsure on what to say, but he lay a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean turned his head towards Castiel and gave him a small smile.

“I knew she wasn’t my soulmate, I _knew_ it was a matter of time before she found him.” Castiel rubbed small circles on Dean’s shoulder. “I knew, I _knew_ , and yet,” he gave a bitter laugh. “If I knew then why the _hell_ does it fucking hurt so much?”

“A small part of you wished that you were her soulmate,” Castiel said, trying to not show the pain his tattoo was giving him.

Dean smiled at him, his green eyes glimmering. The sun was setting on the horizon and the light filtering in displayed the thousands of freckles on his face. Dean looked at Castiel’s hand on shoulder, clenching his jaw and sighing. He closed his eyes and let the cigarette hang from his mouth as the smoke drifted peacefully upward. Castiel kept looking at him, the cresses in his face, the sharp line of his jaw, his brown hair that seemed to glow in the setting sun. There was no other word to describe that face, that moment, other than beautiful. Even with the bruises that still spread across his cheek, his eye still a little swollen and the cut making a scab, he was nothing but beautiful. Dean opened his eyes and looked at Castiel’s hand again and did something that was completely unlike him; he shifted his shoulder and Castiel’s hand rubbed against Dean’s cheek. Dean was looking down at the leather seat but then closed his eyes, rubbing his cheek, his stubble, against Castiel’s hand.

He was letting his guard down, something he didn’t dare do when sober, but that’s what he was doing. He was falling apart and trying his best to not show it and yet he was asking for comfort, asking for affection. 

There was no other word to describe his actions, the vague memory of a kitten popping up in his mind, other than beautiful.


	15. Chapter 15

He dropped Cas off near his dorm even though he insisted on going with him to the Roadhouse, but Dean really needed some space to think things through. Without Cas on the passenger seat, yammering about anything they passed on the street, Dean wasn’t able to keep his mind off of Lisa and that damn guy she kept touching. Seriously, what the fuck was up with that? All Dean wanted to do was drink until he forgot his own name. But the closer he got to the Roadhouse the more he was able to see that guy with his brown jacket and cropped hair flirting with Lisa.

Dean wasn’t one to get jealous when guys flirted with Lisa. Really, could he blame them? But that was different, that was Lisa’s soulmate for fuck’s sakes, and it was about time he realized he couldn’t keep dragging her down. So he turned the car around and headed towards the café. Her shift ended in half an hour.

Dean sat on the hood of his car and waited for Lisa to end her shift, his third cigarette of the hour between his index and middle finger. He was looking up at the setting sun; the clouds made waves of purple and blue that slowly drifted into a more chaotic form. Dean shook his head and decided to turn his attention to the concrete when blue eyes and ruffled black hair popped up in his mind. Smoking was fucking with his head.

“Hey.” Dean looked up and he when he saw who was talking to him, his fists clenched until his knuckles turned white.

“Can I have one?” Lisa’s soulmate asked, pointing to the pack of cigarettes that sat next to him on the hood.

“Uh, yeah.”

He handed him the pack which the guy took with lumberjack hands. Even his hands were bigger than Dean’s. _God_ he hated the guy. Dean was glaring at the guy when he handed back the pack, glaring at him when he lit up, and kept on glaring when Lisa came out of the shop.

“Hey babe,” Lisa kissed him lightly before she realized that the other guy was still there. “Oh, Matt, hey.”

“You guys know each other?” Dean could hear the bitterness in his voice but playing along was better than acting like a complete jackass.

“Actually, we met today.”

“I’d love to stay and chat but I got places to be, people to meet.”

“Original,” Dean muttered. He didn’t intend for the guy to hear but by the incredulous look that he gave Dean he was glad he had said it. Dean smirked at him before he waved them goodbye.

Lisa wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer to him by the hips.

“You’re cute when you’re jealous,” she said before kissing him. She pulled away and Dean pressed his forehead against hers. Lisa smelled like a combination of flowers and vanilla.

“Long day today?”

“You have no idea; there was this girl who took like 10 minutes describing the kind of coffee she wanted.”

“What was it?”

“She wanted a black coffee but since it’s offensive saying black she kept saying she wanted it with no sugar, no cream, and at the end she didn’t even give me a tip.”

“Sorry to hear that.” Lisa gave him this smile that warmed him from head to toes and made him forget why he was so nervous. But then it came back and hit him like a damn train.

Dean drove Lisa back to the campus, unable to keep still or from clearing his throat. When Lisa was getting off the car he hesitated before getting out too and going after Lisa, throwing his arm over her shoulders. Dean had to do it, whether he wanted to or not, he had to break it off with Lisa, it was now or… _now._ Lisa opened the door to her dorm building but Dean froze up.

“You coming?”

“Can we talk? Out here?”

She gave him a nervous laugh before closing the door and walking to him. “What’s up?”

Dean could feel his heart starting to race, his mind racing a thousand miles an hour but he still knew exactly what he wanted to say.

“Okay, uh…”

“Dean what is it?” He looked up to see the creases in her brow and the worry in her eyes. Suddenly, Dean couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t just break up with her, with the girl he loved, for something she had no control of.

“Uh,” Dean still needed to let her go, “It’s just,” he needed to do it in a way that didn’t make it seem like he was blaming her, “I…”

“Dean what is it?”

She deserved more than what Dean could give. “I got my name.”

“Oh.” Dean’s heart sank. Lisa was looking down at the ground, playing with her hands. She has such delicate hands.

“Lisa?”

“That’s great.” She tried for a genuine smile but it looked so forced it hurt. “Dean, that’s awesome.”

“It is…” He had his hands inside his jacket’s pockets, shaking uncontrollably.

“So… what does this mean?”

There it was. “Lisa… We both knew we weren’t soulmates and we both know what that means now.” He regretted the words as soon as her brown eyes filled with tears.

“This is bullshit.” She was shaking her head and folded her arms, taking a step away from Dean. “This is bullshit.”

“Lisa-”

“No! Don’t give me any of that crap, saying that we both knew. You can’t just do this! You can’t just get your soulmate’s name and throw me aside, you can’t do that Dean.”

Her words digged into his flesh and tore right through him. “You honestly think I want to do this? That it doesn’t kill me knowing the most amazing girl in the world is not the person I’m meant to be with?” She was still shaking her head and when he stepped closer to her she took a step back. “Lisa please-”

“But that doesn’t mean _anything!_ We can still be together! The name doesn’t mean anything Dean, we could still work.”

The more she tried to reason with him the harder it got for him, the lump in his throat becoming bigger and for his head to start spinning.

“There’s a reason we’re not soulmates Lisa-”

“God, it’s like you want to break up!” She was mad, of course she was, and the tears streaming down her cheeks showed it.

“I can’t keep being the thing that stands in between you and what you deserve.”

Lisa looked down at the ground, wiping the tears that were quickly replaced with new ones. “This is so unfair,” she muttered.

“I know.” Dean stepped closer and when she didn’t back away he wrapped his arms around her. She grasped at him and pressed her face to his shoulder, her body shaking with grief.

“We could try, I mean, there’s no rule saying we can’t still be together.”

Dean huffed out a laugh. Lisa was trying hard but he needed to try harder. He pulled away from her and cupped her face into his hands. She had delicate features; beautiful.

“Lisa-”

“We can move to California or some other place so we don’t run into our damn soulmates.”

“Lisa-”

“We work Dean, you and me, so what’s to say we can’t be together for the rest of our lives? I mean, there’s-”

Dean kissed her before she could talk him into whatever crazy plan she was trying to construct. Dean kissed her to remember what it felt like before she was gone from his life and could finally be happy. Dean kissed her because he wasn’t ready to let her go.

It was a lingering kiss, the kind that left you breathless and shook your entire body.

“This is so unfair.” Lisa wrapped her arms around him under his leather jacket and he pressed his mouth to her hair.

“I know,” he whispered.

“I thought we had more time.” She looked up at him, letting her hand outline his face. “I wished we had more than the damn year we got.”

Dean laughed for his sake, trying to push back the tears and grief. “Believe me, I did too.”

Lisa let her hand drop down to his chest, her eyes following them. “It doesn’t seem right to say it since we won’t get to really enjoy it like I hoped, but its better now than never.”

He tilted her face up with his hand, kissing her forehead and letting that one tear break the barrier he had created. “I love you Lisa.”

She let out a sob that shook Dean’s body down to the core.

“I love you Dean.”

The setting sun finally sank behind the horizon, the sky turning into this navy blue color that made the moment sink in. He was letting go the girl he had dreamed of having. Dean wasn’t Mother Teresa but even _he_ deserved some good in his life for fucks sake. _She made him happy in ways others didn’t. She was the happiness he needed through his misery, the light through his darkness._

He didn’t remember letting Lisa walk into the building or walking away from it. He didn’t remember going up stairs or knocking on a door, he didn’t even know who he was there to see. Not until Cas opened the door and a small smile spread across his dry lips.Dean wanted to give him chapstick _._

“Hey Cas.”


	16. Chapter 16

Dean was twirling an unlit cigarette in between his fingers while Castiel got him a beer out of the fridge. Ash was there too, typing on his computer and writing the draft of his assignment. He handed Dean the beer, sitting at the edge of the couch that was closest to Dean’s armchair.

“Thanks.” He placed the beer between his thighs as he kept twirling the cigarette.

“You did the right thing Dean.”

“Then why do I feel like crap?”

“And you look like one too,” Ash sang.

Castiel and Dean both glared at Ash, who looked back at them calmly. “Oh, don’t mind me. Carry on.”

Dean smiled, a forced smile that only lasted seconds.

“Break ups aren’t easy Dean, for anybody.” Castiel hated that Dean was hurting, he hated that Dean didn’t want to talk about it, but he _despised_ the fact that when Dean said they’d broken up his tattoo had sent butterflies flying throughout his body.

“I know, it’s just…”

“Why’d you do it anyway? I thought things were going great with you too,” Ash said as he kept typing on his computer. Castiel tried to deny the fact that his tattoo had started humming again.

Dean tried to speak but the words seemed to be stuck.

“Lisa met her soulmate,” Castiel contributed. Dean looked down at his cigarette, taking a sip from his beer.

“Dude! You can’t blame her for something she didn’t plan.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Dean bit back. Ash threw his hands up in defense and looked back down at his work.

“Then how did you do it?” Castiel timidly asked, unsure if it was okay to ask.

Dean turned his attention to Castiel and his glare became softer, replaced with exhaustion. “I told her I got my name. Didn’t want to make her feel crappier.”

It was painful. Watching this man who put everyone in front of himself crumble under the pressure was painful.

“You _will_ get your name Dean. And Lisa didn’t want to hurt you, you know-”

“Can we please talk about something else? Cas, have you heard from your family?”

Castiel glared at Dean. The subject was changed from depressing to unpleasant but Castiel played along since Dean needed it. The subject was still painful since it was still recent and the wound from his discussion with Ana still fresh.

“Actually, yeah. Ana called me.” Castiel looked down at his hands resting on his lap, knowing exactly how Dean was going to react.

Dean sat up straight, patting Castiel’s shoulder. “Awesome! What’d she say?”

“She said that Gabriel contacted them and that he’s somewhere in Kansas so _that’s_ something to look forward to. Nobody has heard from dad but I’m not worried.”

“At least you’ve heard from the rest of the family, which is something.”

“I guess.”

“Sam’s not in the best mood either.” Dean leaned back on the armchair, taking another sip from his beer and placing his cigarette behind his ear. “Apparently it isn’t reasonable to ground someone after they ditch school and don’t call someone to give them their location.”

Castiel drank from his own beer as the sound of typing filled the quiet living room.

“Dean?”

“I’m okay Cas. Really.”

“I know you are. All I’m trying to say is that you don’t _have_ to be okay all the time. If there’s-”

“Want another beer Ash?” Dean got up and left towards the kitchen, dropping the cigarette on Castiel’s lap. He didn’t like making Dean mad or uncomfortable, but he was avoiding talking about something that was clearly bothering him and that wasn’t any better. Castiel took the cigarette in between his own fingers, slowly twisting it to examine every piece of it. Dean came back to the living room empty-handed, grabbing his jacket from his seat.

“You don’t have any beer, I’ll be right back.”

“Why not go to the Roadhouse?” Castiel asked as he got up and followed Dean to the door.

“We’re having a guy’s night and I’d rather drink somewhere I can pass out in and not be worried that I’ll be touched in my no-no places.”

“Hey, I can’t make any promises either,” Ash chipped in. Dean, in spite of himself, smiled at Ash as he put on his jacket.

“It’s late and the liquor store is far.”

“I think I can make it 2 blocks.”

Castiel wanted to argue against him, but Dean grabbed him by the shoulders and focused his green gaze on him.

“Cas, I’ll be fine. If I’m not back in 15, I give you permission to go looking for me.” It wasn’t ideal but Castiel reluctantly agreed.

“You’re really stubborn.”

“Oh come on Cas, I’m a big boy.” Dean opened the door and headed out but before closing the door he leaned closer to Castiel and, in a whisper, said, “Thanks for worrying though. It’s cute.”

His tattoo burned and smoked but Dean didn’t seem to notice. The pain from the tattoo was making him delirious, he concluded, when he thought he saw Dean glance down to his lips. _Dean was hurting right now_ , Castiel thought, _he’s not thinking straight._ He closed the door behind Dean, keeping his hand on the doorknob, before turning around to face the living room. Ash was looking at him, rubbing his chin and slightly nodding.

“What?”

Ash looked down at his computer again before answering. “You two fight like an old married couple.”

 ₍₍ ( ๑॔˃̶◡ ˂̶๑॓)◞♡

 “Yeah, if I don’t make by midnight then I’ll call you in the morning… Stop worrying so much Sammy; I’m hanging out with Ash and Cas tonight so I won’t get hurt or whatever… Yes Sam, you are still grounded…Okay… Yeah I’ll tell them you said hi… Night Sammy.”

He placed the beer on the register, getting out his wallet from his back pocket. Dean smiled down at the picture of the beautiful blonde women smiling at a man not in the picture, holding a squirming baby in her arms. Dean was barely 2 in that picture, the memory long gone from his mind yet being able to hear the joyous laugh of his mother. He quickly paid for the beer and left the liquor store, looking down his phone to check the time. He’d only been gone 7 minutes so Cas wouldn’t be too worried.

Dean was putting his phone back in his back pocket when a shoulder slammed into him.

“Sorry man,” Dean called out over his shoulder.

“Watch it asshole.”

Dean turned around, incredulous. There were three guys, the middle dude being the one that slammed into him. “My bad dude.”

“Yeah, _your_ bad.”

 _Was this guy for real?_ Dean wasn’t in the mood to get in an argument with this guy, the other two guys spreading out, preventing him from running. “Look man, I said I was sorry so can you just back off?”

The guy walked closer to Dean, getting really close to him, the kind of close Cas did. Only difference being that Dean didn’t want to punch Cas when he got that close.

“Or I can just beat the crap out of you and call it even?”

“Seriously, dude,” Dean harshly pushed the guy away, “back off.”

Before Dean could do anything else, the two guys were dragging Dean away from the liquor store and into the ally next to the liquor store.

“Hey!” He struggled against the strong hold but it was useless. They threw Dean against the alley wall, his head banging against the brick. He was dizzy and disoriented as he stood up. Were there always 6 guys?

“Seriously? You slammed into me dude so just call off your bitches and we can go our separate ways.”

That’s when the first guy punched him in the gut. The first one wasn’t so bad, his dizziness sedating the blow, but the second one was the one that knocked the wind out of him. His knees felt weak and he wanted to drop to the ground, but when he leaned forward the guy bent Dean to knee him in the stomach several times. The pain was unbearable, making Dean cough out half his organs.

“Not so tough now huh, you little bitch.” He kneed Dean in the stomach once more before giving him one solid punch that sent him crashing onto the wall again. Dean slid down the brick wall, his shirt lifting up as the wall scrapped against his back. He couldn’t see it but Dean was sure his black was bleeding.

Dean tightly held on to his stomach as he let the pain wash over his every muscle, the guys laughing and taunting him, yelling at him to get up. He tried to catch his breath but his chest was burning and every breath made new waves of pain roll over his body. The blows to the stomach were killing him, and when he coughed out, blood splattered on the wet cement in front of him. _Dean, come ON!_

His knees were weak but he was able to stand up, wiping blood from the edge of his mouth with his thumb. Dean felt like crap but he wasn’t about to back away from a damn fight.

Dean smirked at the guys, beckoning them forward.

The first guy, the one that had kneed Dean, rushed forward but Dean was already waiting for him, swinging in a wide ark that landed a heavy blow on the guy’s left cheek. He staggered back, a little shocked, but the other two were still advancing. Dean focused on the one to his right, grabbing him by neck with one hand and swinging with the other. An arm hooked under Dean’s neck and started pulling, Dean letting instincts take over. He swung his elbow behind him and felt the hard surface of the guy’s rib.

The guy was able to pull him away, his arm still hooked under his neck, while the other two glared at Dean. They exchanged a look before advancing on him again but Dean’s body was filled with adrenaline and he was quick on the attack.

Dean swung his head back, feeling the hard bone of the guy’s nose against the back of his head. He tumbled to the ground and even though Dean was dizzy from the hit he was able to stand steady, the adrenaline clearing his mind. He punched the first guy, his knuckles splitting open and his own blood dripping on the guy’s jaw. As quickly as he had punched the first guy, he arched his elbow and felt the satisfying hardness of his cheekbone.

For a moment, he relished in victory, but when he saw the guy’s standing up again his adrenaline seem to drain from his veins.  Dean couldn’t keep this up, he couldn’t keep fighting the guy’s and hoping to land a lucky hit. The three of them definitely looked worse than Dean but that didn’t change the fact that there were three of them against him.

“You’re dead meat.” Again, the guy lunged at Dean, who raised his fist to at least try and defend himself, but inches before the guy hit Dean, a new fist came into focus. Dean stood there in shock as Cas kicked away the guy.

Cas shook Dean, trying to say something but Dean only stared _. That’s what Cas’ eyes reminded him of; the ocean right before a storm._

“Dean!”

Dean pulled on Cas’ sleeve and ran, ran down the alley and away from the campus. Footsteps echoed around the brick walls, too many to just be his and Cas’. Cas ran in front of him, guiding them towards the campus, but Dean pulled him towards another alley, only leading them farther from campus. They couldn’t go now, there was way too much open space for them to be able to get away. They needed to lose them first, AND THEN circle back. Dean weaved them from in between streets and dark alleys, never slowing down or looking back.

When they turned one corner, Dean was harshly pulled back and his back hit the brick wall. He started swinging left and right, expecting a fight, but his hands were pressed to the wall on his sides. The brick bit into his wrists, firm hands holding them in place.

His eyes travelled up a torso, the grey shirt hiding brick house shoulders. He looked at the blue eyes, those damn eyes that seemed to look right into him.

“Cas?” How the _hell_ had he gotten there?

“We can’t talk here, we need to go.” Dean knew he was right, those guys could find them any second, but he couldn’t move. Cas was still holding on to Dean’s wrists. His hands were soft.

“Okay.”

They walked at a brisk pace, every once in a while glancing at each other. Eventually, the campus grounds came into view and simultaneously they ran across the grounds. Dean laughed out in relief when he saw Cas’ dorm come into view. _Finally._

Dean was out of breath, every step extracting more oxygen from his lungs, but he still ran up the steps at full speed.

“Oh sweet Jesus!” He fell on the floor of the suite, rubbing his hands over the hardwood floor.

Cas huffed out a laugh, quietly closing the door and sliding down it until he was sitting on the floor too. They were both breathing heavily and neither said a word. Dean stood on his forearms, trying hard to not enjoy the way Cas’ chest rose and fell with every breath.

Cas was leaning his head back on the door, his eyes closed, while his hands were propped up on his knees. Dean stared at him for several heartbeats, noting the way that every third breath came out of his nose.

It seemed like Cas had his eyes closed but he kicked Dean’s foot lightly. “Stop staring.”

He felt the smile blossom on his face as he kicked Cas’ foot back. “I’m just trying to wrap my mind around this fucking nerd becoming Jackie Chan.”

Cas chucked lightly, his eyes still closed. That’s when Dean remembered the horrible beating he’d just gotten. He laid flat on the floor, wincing as the sore skin settled on the hard ground, covering his eyes with his arm, the other arm massaging his aching stomach.

“What hurts?” Cas asked in a timid voice.

Dean smiled. They could talk about a lot of crap but as soon as it came to Dean’s health he suddenly knew about boundaries. That was the only time there weren’t any but Cas acted as if there was a wall there. _This fucking guy._

Castiel got up and walked toward the kitchen, bending for a second to flick Dean on the forehead. Dean swatted at him but didn’t take his arm off his face. Castiel had already seen Dean beat up more than enough, more than he wanted to see. He got him some Advil and cold water, knowing it wouldn’t be enough but it would be _something_. He walked back to the living room, setting the cup and pills besides Dean’s head, nudging him slightly.

He peeked over his arm at the pills besides him. “Oh Cas, you spoil me.”

Cas was sitting against the door again, watching him gulp down the medicine.

“Yeah, I’m gonna need about 15 more of these.” He sat up straight and rubbed at his temples, his chin still hurting from the one punch he had gotten. His face was already fucked to hell, the beating not making things better.

Castiel watched him rub his temples, trying not to be too concerned but failing miserably.

“Dean?”

He kept rubbing his head but looked up at Cas, the cresses of his brow showing his confusion. “What?”

He wanted to ask something, not knowing how to phrase it, so he just looked down at his hands. “Never mind.”

Dean scooted closer to Cas, nudging his foot. “Come on Cas, what’s up?”

It took him a while to answer but when he did he still couldn’t look at Dean directly. “What… What happened to your back?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that fucking son of a bitch threw me to the wall and I scrapped my back bad. Pretty sure it’s bleeding but I’ll take care of it when I get home.”

“If it hurts that bad, then we should take care of it now.”

“Cas, seriously, it’s okay. Sam knows how to deal with crap like this so I’ll ask him when I get home.”

Cas was glaring at him, this look of irritation that wrinkled the bridge of his nose. It was weird since he only got hit on the stomach, but his chest started to ache. He shook out the thoughts of a certain conversation he had had with Sam a couple of weeks ago.

Dean tried to hold the staring contest but, embarrassingly, cowered under the glare.

“What?”

“Can I at least see?”

Dean looked up at Cas again, his expression softer, strung with concern. It was an odd request, but Dean wasn’t surprised. That was who Cas was.

He nodded once before turning his back on Cas, taking off his jacket and throwing to the side, then grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling it over his head in one swift move.

Castiel tensed up at the sight of Dean’s back muscles, making out his shoulder blades and dips in his skin. The sight would’ve been more enjoyable if it wasn’t for the fact that there were three long strips of red skin running down his back. And Dean was right; the brick had scraped his back hard enough to break the skin, drops of blood slowly tracing its way to the small of Dean’s back.

Dean was resting his chin in his shoulder, watching Cas from the corner of his eye. It was weird. The fact that he didn’t want Cas seeing him half naked but just waiting for those warm, soft fingers to trace his spine was weird. On the second thought, Dean didn’t mind being half naked with Cas mere inches away.

Wait, what?

He was about to protest, saying some joke about him being a classy lady, but Cas sprang to his feet and headed towards the kitchen again. He didn’t have time to wonder what the hell Cas was doing, before the dude came back with a damp paper towel and a bottle of alcohol.

“Cas-”

“Shut up Dean.” Cas sat behind Dean again, closer than he was before, his knees brushing against Dean’s side. There was no warning before he was biting hard on his lower lip, the sting travelling all over his body.

“Jesus Cas, a little fucking warning next time.”

“Stop complaining.” There was another sharp sting and Dean could taste blood. He reached for his jacket, taking out a cigarette and placing it on his lips. Just having it there was enough comfort.

He was running his fingers through his hair when he felt soft fingers touching the scrape. His breath hitched when they started to make slow progress down his spine, leaving a hot trails and goosebumps wherever they touched. He rested his chin on his shoulder again, accepting the soothing rhythm.

Castiel was transfixed. In the way Dean’s muscles jumped as he sculpted the outline of his back. The way that he could feel Dean’s soft and silent humming. Castiel was too busy running the damp paper towel over the sore skin to notice the way Dean had closed his eyes, twirling the unlit cigarette on his fingers.

“Cas?”

It was a quiet murmur, Dean rubbing his stubble against his shoulder.

“Yes?”

“How did you know when to find me?”

“I was walking past that alley.”

“That’s pretty nice timing, Cas.”

“You said 15 minutes.” Dean opened his eyes, looking at Castiel’s knee. “We had an appointment,” Castiel said with a small smile.

Dean turned to face Castiel, still not meeting his gaze. He was searching Dean’s face, taking in how he kept playing with his cigarette. His jaw was bruising while the other purple stains stood out, but no matter what color Dean’s face was, the freckles still stood out against his skin.

He finally looked up at Castiel, eyes focused on his but seeming to reach into him.

“Don’t ever change.”

In a second, in that one second they shared, everything else seemed to fade, and only those green eyes with beautiful freckles, stood out.

But then he saw it.

Saw the red letters flashing through his layers of clothing, the smoke rising from it. He was so focused on the letters that he didn’t see Dean throw himself on the floor. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the letters burning bright and red through his three layers of clothing.

But he could hear it.

He could hear Dean’s agonizing cries of pain.

He was thrashing on the floor, trying to rip away his skin it seemed.

It took him 5 seconds to focus. Five seconds to react.

“Dean!” Castiel reached forward, trying to turn Dean, trying to help him anyway there was to help. Dean had balled up and was shaking, still screaming a gut wrenching cry of help that was breaking Castiel in two.

“Come on Dean, let me help!” He was rubbing his hand on Dean’s back, his fingers running through Dean’s short brown hair.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” He was talking directly next to Dean’s ear, as soothing as possible, but Dean’s screams were getting worse.

Until there was no more screaming.

Only him shaking and writhing, his veins popping up on his neck as his whole face turned red. He was fighting invisible chains, desperately clawing at his chest.

He was going through The Marking.

“Dean. Dean, it’s going to be fine. It hurts like a bitch right now but it’ll pass.”

Dean seemed to still for a second, but he let another cry as he began to twist and turn again.

He sat there, looking at this guy gasp for breath, unable to do anything.

It was the worst thing Castiel could’ve witnessed. 

“Dean, it’s going to be okay. It’ll be fine-”

Dean strained to stand up, leaning on Castiel as they finally got up on both feet.

“Dean-”

But he pushed Castiel away, staggering into his bedroom. Castiel followed but the door was slammed closed.

Castiel should’ve gone in. Tried to help. But he knew what was going on in there. He knew what Dean was seeing.

He sat down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. He was hoping that Dean would go through The Marking at his own house, not right next to Castiel. He was screwed to hell. And he damned Dean to the same hell.

Castiel could still hear Dean’s whimpering, and suddenly it was quiet. Dean didn’t make a sound and Castiel didn’t dare breathe either.

Dean was looking down at his chest, letting the words’ smoke drift into the air, until the pain was gone and the letters stopped smoking. He licked his lips nervously, his fingers hovering over the black letters.

**_CAS_ **

He’d finally got his tattoo. He’d been waiting for it since high school and now he had it. Dean felt shivers run down his body, travel through his blood, until a small smile broke through.

It was Cas.

It made sense.

The smile turned into a grin, which turned into quiet laughter. But it wasn’t happy laughter, the kind you get after hearing good news. It was the kind that escaped your lungs as the only sound of madness, the sound of crazed desperation. It was Cas. The guy he’d met after a night of drinking, the guy he first saw staring at him making out with his girlfriend.

This couldn’t be happening. Lisa was his girl, _his_ girl, and he’d lost her. Now what? He was supposed to go and fall in love with Cas?

Dude was, if it was possible, more fucked over than Dean was.

He couldn’t tell him about the tattoo. That wasn’t an option.

Immediately, his newly applied tattoo started to throb and sent shots of pain running through his nerves.

He rubbed at the sore skin, licking his lips again.

And it was the wave of realization that finally made him see things straight.

The way that Cas kept reaching for his chest the first time they met. When Cas had balled up on his bed, shaking and whimpering, after the party, in which Cas had found Dean making out with Lisa on his bed. The tattoo Dean saw on his chest when he saw him through the window.

“Sonofa…”

Dean covered his chest, the tattoo, and got out of the room.

Dean looked disoriented. It looked like he was thinking something over, frowning at the room.

“You knew.”

Castiel barely heard it but the deafening silence in the room echoed the words. He didn’t know what to say, or if he _should_ say anything.

He was about to speak but Dean focused on him, and fire burned in his gaze.

“You _knew_!” Dean moved closer to Castiel, and instinct told him to back away as far as he could. “This whole damn time, the whole _fucking_ time, and you couldn’t fucking tell me?”

“Dean-”

“What the hell’s the matter with you?”

Castiel understood why Dean was mad, but his buttons were getting pushed too. “Maybe because I knew how damn sensitive you are. Maybe I knew better than to get into an argument with someone who can’t be looked the wrong way without him flipping his shit.”

“You’re a damn fucking asshole Cas, you know that?”

Castiel got up and pushed Dean away angrily. “And you’re such a pleasure to be around.”

“I had a right to know.” Dean turned away and picked up his crap up from the floor.

“So you’re telling me that if a stranger walked up to you and said, ‘Hey, I know we don’t know each other but it turns out we’re soulmates! Want to get pie?’ you wouldn’t have turned around and ran?”

He was still puffing, struggling to find the right side of his shirt. Dean gave up and faced Castiel again, and he saw it. Saw the three letters that spelled out his name. Or the shortened version anyway.

“Look Cas, I don’t really want to talk to you and the stick you have shoved up so far in your ass. Make all the fucking excuses you want, doesn’t make me like you anymore.”

“We can’t just avoid this Dean.”

They glared at each other, the tension becoming thicker with every breath.

“So what?” Dean said, spreading out his hands and slowly walking towards Castiel. “I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“I don’t understand that reference!” Castiel raked his fingers through his hair, sighing out in frustration. “This happened for a damn reason so we need to accept-”

“You know what Cas, accept this,” he said as he very pointedly grabbed at his junk and left the room.

Only when he was outside did he realize he had dropped his keys inside the apartment. _Fucking shit._ Dean was about to turn around and knock on the door but Dean had _balls_. He quickly dialed Sam’s number, trying not to get too into detail.

It was even more humiliating when Sam picked Dean up right next to the Impala.

“What the hell happened?”

“I left my keys in Cas’ apartment,” he muttered, lighting up his cigarette.

“You couldn’t just knock on the door.”

Dean did this whole show of moving his hands around dramatically. “Oh, why didn’t _I_ think of that?”

“No need to be an ass.”

Sam drove the car only because Dean wasn’t thinking straight enough to drive.

“I got my name today.”

Sam looked over at Dean, patting him on the shoulder happily. “Hey! That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, fucking carnival.”

“What happened?”

Dean took a deep drag from his cigarette, the smoke drifting out of his mouth as he spoke. “We... got in an argument or whatever.”

Sam sighed out in obvious exasperation. “Oh come on Dean, I know Cas didn’t tell you but-”

“Hold the fuck up,” he sat facing his brother, anger pulsating through him again, “I never said it was Cas.”

His little brother immediately tensed up. _Are you fucking KIDDING me?!_ “Are you serious right now Sam? _Seriously?_ ”

“It’s not like I meant to see the tattoo! He was half naked-”

“When the hell did you see him half naked?” Dean couldn’t deny the fact that he felt envy at the thought of Sam seeing Cas half naked while all Dean got to see was brick house shoulders.

“Dean, why do you do this?”

And then there were two people on his death list. “Cas doesn’t tell me about having my damn name tattooed on his chest and _I’m_ the one at fault here.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“Then what _are_ you saying?”

Dean let out a bitter laugh, taking in two drags of smoke.

“Lisa and I broke up.”

Sam glanced at Dean, noting the way Dean’s shoulders slumped and he lowered his eyes to his lap. “Dean-”

“I don’t want to talk about it okay? All I’m saying is that I was happy with Lisa then came _Cas_ and screwed it up. Also, who the _fuck_ thought it would be a good idea to give me the damn tattoo today?”

They’d arrived at the house but they stayed inside the truck. It was an old beat up truck Dean had fixed up at the shop so Sam could be a normal teenager for a change.

“You know, when the second person of a pair gets the tattoo… it only happens when…” Dean was glaring at him but Sam was able to get it out in murmur, “it only happens when the second person falls-”

“Shut your face.” Dean got out of the car and stormed inside.

 (๑•̆૩•̆)

It was early in the morning when Dean heard heavy clatter from the kitchen. _Are you fucking KIDDING me?!_ He rubbed his hands against his face as the clatter continued in the kitchen. He made his way down the stairs without tripping and killing himself, which was pretty much an amazing accomplishment.

He entered the kitchen and, to his surprise, saw his dad digging through the drawers and placing pans on the stove.

“Dad?”

John stood up, smiling at Dean. “Hey kid. Want some breakfast?” When his dad turned around, Dean had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

He wasn’t.

“Um, what… what are you doing dad?”

“Making breakfast for my boys.”

Maybe his dad was on drugs. That made the most sense.

“Dad, quick question; why so cheery?”

“Bobby said he was retiring.”

“What?!” If his dad was actually happy about Bobby retiring, then maybe he was more twisted than Dean anticipated.

“And he offered me his job. He’d still be around since he’s still the owner but I’d be the ‘main mechanic’.”

“Dad, that’s awesome.” And he _was_ happy. He was happy seeing his dad acting like a dad and happy that Bobby finally listened to his bones and retired from the job.

Dean instinctively looked out the window and to his surprise, saw the glistening hood of his Baby.

His dad saw his look of surprised and laughed. “A guy brought it around midnight, when I got home.”

“Did you see who it was?”

“This kid.”

“Black hair? Blue eyes?”

“I didn’t notice that crap. He left it and walked away.”

 _The campus is 15 blocks away,_ he thought as his new tattoo sent shivers through him.

Damn it Cas. He was making it really hard to hate him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry I haven't updated in such a long time but homework is a biotch. Also, I know this chapter was shorter than the other ones. I am ashamed and so is my family and my cow. I apologize and WILL update again tomorrow.

Sam looked up from his paperwork when he heard the loud crash. Dean cussed quietly but it still carried out across the work station. The wrench had slipped from his grip and fallen into the engine, the muscles in his hand freezing painfully as he had tried to tighten a screw. He massaged the hand, avoiding the split skin from yesterday, the reminder making his back burn again. Dean knew he should bandage his hand or the sore skin on his back but that morning he didn’t have his head screwed on right. The little stunt of Cas bringing his Impala to Dean’s house, which Dean had _never_ told him where it was, and his tattoo jumping every time Cas crossed his mind, which unfortunately was all damn morning, was making Dean’s head spin.

Thankfully, Sam hadn’t mentioned the tattoo or Cas to Dean, which he would’ve appreciated if it wasn’t for all the pointed looks he got from his little brother. He slipped his hand into the engine, grasping at thin air in an attempt to get the wrench, only bringing more cussing.

“Need another wrench?”

Dean turned to face Sam. He was sitting on the work table, having cleared a spot, with his legs crossed over each other as he wrote on his notebook. He’d agreed to bringing him along since Sam liked being in the workshop and he felt bad trapping his brother in that house. It was a nice compromise.

“Nah, I’m _fine_.” He grunted the last word as he finally pulled the wrench out. He smirked at the tool triumphantly before sinking into his work again.

“Have you talked to Cas?”

Dean’s head jerked up and hit the hood of the car. Pain spread over his entire skull, throbbing and making him want to throw up, but that wasn’t enough to cover up the surges sent from his tattoo. His nerves seemed to be on fire, but Dean was able to ignore the urge to rub the ache away, even more profanity spilling from his mouth.

“What?”

“I mean, he _did_ bring the Impala to the house and walked 15 blocks back to campus in the middle of the night.”

“Sam-”

“He didn’t do anything wrong Dean. We both know that.”

“Except being an ass, yeah he was peachy.”

Dean rubbed at the already forming bump at the back of his head as he walked to the toolbox seated next to Sam.

“This isn’t something that’ll go away with time so eventually you’ll have to talk to him.”

“Yeah, maybe today, tomorrow, ten years.” Even as he said it, he felt his tattoo twitch underneath his shirt.

Sam shut the toolbox while Dean’s fingers still fumbled inside, but he was quick enough to pull his fingers away before it shut. He opened his mouth to yell at his brother but the scowl on his face made him close it again.

“Look Sam, we’re not gonna sit here all night watching The Notebook and talking about our crushes. I’m not gonna just accept the fact that Cas is my fucking…” he trailed off. His tattoo was humming and sending cold shivers travelling down his spine.

“Fine, whatever, do what you want and keep acting like a fucking jackass, I don’t care.” Sam looked back down at his paper work. Dean huffed but walked back to the car, trying hard to not reach for his pack. It wasn’t even 24 hours since he’d broken up with Lisa and now-

“I loved Lisa.” He didn’t turn around to look at Sam, but he felt his eyes on his back. “I loved her Sam. And now what? I’m supposed to just forget her and hook up with _Cas_?”

Dean’s hands were shaking but he still didn’t turn to face his little brother. The gaping hole of leaving Lisa behind was still fresh and bleeding, and he hated to admit it but he could feel his eyes getting watery.

“You love Lisa. I know that. But you wouldn’t have gotten your tattoo if-”

“You know what?” Dean turned to face him, his eyes on the verge of spilling tears, knuckles white as he tightened his fist. “You’re gonna do that thing where you just shut the hell up. Forever.”

Dean glared at him before turning back to the car. His older brother wasn’t the type to break so easily and Sam wasn’t one that pushed, so he dropped the subject, let it hang in the workstation.

He took in a shaky breath, clenching and unclenching his fist while the other massaged his burning tattoo. Dean looked down at his chest and didn’t seem able to breath; there was steam rising from his shirt, the outline of the three letters burning through the black material. Images flashed through his mind as he looked at the tattoo but Dean knew that they weren’t related at all, it was just his mind playing mind games on him. Blue eyes, an unlit cigarette hanging from a small smile, and the sight of a sleeping guy wearing his black leather jacket.

Dean closed his eyes shut, trying hard to push away the feeling of nausea and longing that overwhelmed his every bone. Everything was going to hell and it was as if he had no control over any of it. He couldn’t take it anymore.

Dean made his way to his leather jacket that was on a table besides the car he was fixing. He lit up before Sam could even sigh out his frustration.

“You said you would at least try to stop.”  Sam wasn’t mad, it was obvious from the disappointment that dripped from each word, but Dean still took a deep drag from his cigarette. Dean remembered the promise as much as he felt the tattoo on his flesh. At some point, he _had_ stopped smoking, but he had way too much on his mind to worry about some stupid lung cancer or whatever else Sam always threatened him with.

“I know, but I like them.”

“As much as you like Cas…” Sam whispered but Dean was still able to hear it.

“You are a real delight today.” Another drag. “Look, me and Cas… we’re friends. We’ve helped each other through tough situations and for some reason, we can stand each other even when we’re being jackasses. He’s my best friend.” He paused after the second inhale, the smoke swimming in his lungs before being blown out through his mouth and nose. “And without warning, he’s supposed to go from my best friend to my fucking _soulmate_?”

Sam played with pencil, looking down at his lap. “Not much of a transition though.”

It was half an inhale, the cigarette still on his lips when he asked in confusion. “What?”

“I mean,” Sam let his legs hang over the table, his toes brushing the floor. “From the amount of time you spend with the guy alone-”

“Breaking news, hanging out with your friend means you fucking love him,” Dean said as he spread out his arms dramatically.

“You constantly talk about the guy.”

“And I thought it was brother bonding.”

Sam shrugged and looked back down at his work. Dean glared at him once more before turning back around to face the engine again, the only thing he could actually understand. Sam had made arguments that had _nothing_ to do with the tattoo, just him trying to convince him to call Cas.

They were _FRIENDS_ for god sakes. Dean had a lot of spare time and it wasn’t illegal to spend time with his friends, _even though most of the time Ash was working and Cas was in his room studying._ Maybe Cas DID come up in conversations a lot but that’s because Dean had a lot of stories involving Cas _because they spent a lot of time together._ Dean could admit to himself that maybe more than once, or twice, or twenty times, he made excuses just to go to Cas’ suite.

Dean was glad he was smoking when he noticed that the red letters were shining through his clothes again, smoke rising into the air again. He took another long pull, closing his eyes and letting any lingering thoughts of soft fingers running down his back or the husky voice of a man half asleep.

It was a misunderstanding. Faith hand picked him and decided to fuck up his life as much as it could. She would let Dean and Cas believe that they were soulmates for a little while longer and then go, ‘ _Sike! Nah, I’m just playin’, you guys are just best buds.’_

Dean took another long drag from the cigarette when his tattoo played on his nerves again. 

No. _NO_. Dean was NOT freaking about. He did NOT want to be Cas’ soulmate.

Yet…

Dean ran a hand through his short hair as he let out a shaky breath. Everything was going to hell.


	18. Chapter 18

All Castiel could think about was a nice blanket and a comfortable bed. He was so damn tired and no matter how much coffee he drank, his eyes always seemed to close by themselves and it seemed damn impossible to open them again.

He had stayed up the whole night catching up on homework while Ash played video games in the living room besides him. At the some point he had passed out on the couch and Castiel had thrown a blanket on top of him while he kept doing his homework on the armchair, the lamp dimly illuminating his paper and straining his eyes. He kept checking his phone, rubbing his tired eyes and drinking about five Red Bulls. _God_ he was tired but he stayed awake doing his homework and hoping Dean would call or to see if Castiel would get enough balls to call him. It had been yesterday when Dean had gotten his tattoo and he hadn’t heard a single word from him.

Now, Castiel was in class, drinking his third cup of coffee, at this point not even trying to pay attention, as the teacher droned on about some already dead poet. Or was it an author? Isn’t a poet a form of author?

Castiel shook his head in an attempt to wake up when even his thoughts were putting him to sleep. He opened his eyes wide and stared at the teacher, trying his hardest to focus on what the hell he was saying. But then he realized that by telling himself to focus he hadn’t heard a single word of what the professor had said.

_Damn it._

Castiel drank another hot sip and laid his head on his arms. He blinked once, scrunching his nose with no purpose. But when he blinked the second time, his eyes didn’t open. It seemed like it was one second but when he opened his eyes the second time, people were already making their way out of the classroom door.

Walking to his next class was the most painful experience he had experienced, even more painful than that painful moment when his body was consumed with pain. Castiel sighed out tiredly. His fucking sentences weren’t even making sense.

A yawn was drawn out of him as he walked into the classroom and he had to stop for a moment, letting the yawn send a little alertness into his body. People pushed past him and he let them move him out of the way. He rubbed his face again with the knowledge that he had dark circles under his eyes and that his hair looked like a bird’s nest. The last of the students walked into the room and the doors were closed with a loud bang. Castiel shook his head and tried to focus on descending the steps. He looked at the rows and rows of students, looking for an empty seat. He didn’t want to go to the first few rows but those seemed to have the most opened seats. That is until he saw an opened space on the row he was just about to pass. He murmured some apologies and gave some silent smiles as he sat down on the seat, quietly taking out his notebook and a pencil. Castiel knew that he wasn’t going to write shit for this class either but might as well look the part.

He leaned back on the chair and crossed his arms, every blink making his eyes heavier until the point where they wouldn’t open.

Castiel pried his eyes open and heaved out a deep yawn, feeling his soul leaving his body. He glared at the teacher while she explained some crap that was surely going to be on an exam, but he let his eyes wander to the rest of the room. Students where writing down every single word the professor said while others, most, typed out the slideshows on their computers. He was sitting at the end of the row, another student sitting to his left. The other student had no paper or computer out. Castiel smiled; he clearly wasn’t the only one who had given up. He let his eyes focus on the silver ring on the guy’s hand. His fingers tapped out a constant rhythm, a hypnotic melody that Castiel’s heartbeat synchronized with. Some part of him recognized that ring but his brain was way too tired to actually know who the hell it was. He felt the little twitch of his tattoo, but tiredness drowned the feeling away.

Castiel’s eyes wandered farther up the arm, a muscular bicep coming into view. He slowly blinked, another yawn escaping his mouth. The guy’s black shirt hung onto his body. Castiel’s eyes wandered farther up to a mouth that was chewing on the left hand’s thumb nail. Castiel was a little fascinated by the sharp jaw line of the guy, the afternoon stubble and the how damn straight that nose was. Another slow blink. When he opened his eyes again, he was slapped with the sight of the galaxy. Too many damn freckles.

He frowned. _Wait, what?_

Castiel let his gaze focus on those eyes, eyes he never got tired of looking at. His eyes slowly widened with realization, every ounce of sleepiness draining from his body.

“Dean?”

Dean did nothing to acknowledge Castiel as he stared at the professor. He could feel his jaw hanging open, closing and sitting up straighter. He looked at the professor too but none of the words stuck. Why the hell was Dean doing there?

Castiel’s mind was racing, his tattoo aching and seemly pulling him closer to Dean. He quickly glanced at Dean, who was still chewing his nail, as he thought of a way to handle to fucking situation.

He quickly uncapped his pen and wrote out a messy note on the empty page of his notebook, sliding it towards Dean.

There were so many damn thoughts running through his mind, like lighting up right then and there, that he didn’t notice the notebook at first until Cas slid the pen under Dean’s hand. He looked down at the notebook, not even glancing at Cas, and read the messy note.

**_What the hell are you doing here?_ **

That was the same thing Dean was asking himself. Normal people call others to say they apologize for being a jackass but apparently Dean had to do the whole Romeo crap and actually go to Cas’ class. He wrote out his response as he tried to ignore the way his tattoo pulled on his chest, crazily seeming as if it was pulling him towards Cas.

**_Like hell if I know._ **

Castiel looked down at the paper and let the message sink in. So they were both wondering what the hell was going on. He didn’t write down an answer since there was nothing to say. They were both leaning on arm rests of their seats, only centimeters away from each other. Every breath was transmitted through a loud speaker and every heartbeat seemed to bleed through their chests and into the still air. Neither of them said anything to each other and the professor kept on talking about important crap that Castiel needed to know. He flipped to an unused page and started to write down notes. He would’ve been able to forget Dean was even there if it wasn’t for the way his tattoo kept pulling on his chest towards Dean.

Dean kept chewing on his nail, wishing like hell that he could light up a cigarette inside the classroom. He kept glancing at Cas’ notebook, wanting to say something, _anything_ , but when he opened his mouth the words seemed to stick to his throat. He was hungry, his pack was burning a hot hole on Dean’s front pocket, and he could taste the oil that was in between his nail. He let his hands drop while his tongue tried to get rid of the taste of car out of his mouth.

He was there trying to talk to Cas but the words of the professor still filtered into his ears and _fuck_ that class was boring. Dean slumped against the seat and looked at the ceiling of the classroom, way above his head. He’d forgotten why he was even there. His head swayed on the back of the chair, settling in a way that made Dean face Cas.

Cas was scribbling something on his notebook while he glanced at the teacher every few words. He had dark circles underneath his blue eyes and his brow furrowed in concentration. As he watched him, Cas’ nose twitched before he closed his eyes in a yawn, the back of his hand covering his mouth. Dean stared at him as his yawn stretched out into something that was more than five seconds. Cas’ finally let his hand drop again, smacking his lips together as he continued writing. It was weird. Dean watched the way that Cas’ long fingers gripped at the pencil as his other hand played with the edge of his paper. He drank in the smell of coffee that emanated from Cas’ gray long sleeve shirt as he drank more from his thermo. Dean let his gaze wander to Cas’ face again, the slightest hint of a smile playing on Dean’s own lips when he noticed the way Cas chewed on his lips in concentration. His blue eyes were dark and his eyelids hung low in a tired attempt of staying awake. Dean’s smile only got wider when he noticed the messiness of that black hair. It was always out of place but today it was as if a tornado had done his hair.

It was weird. Dean was able to notice all of this crap, watch Cas and appreciate the simplicity of the guy, and all his tattoo would do is hum. Shouldn’t it be burning or steaming or some shit like that?

Castiel was trying his hardest not look at Dean, but he could feel the way his eyes scanned his face. He was writing down anything that the professor said but he wasn’t really listening. His tattoo was aching now, sending cold shivers down his spine that only made his teeth chew harder on his lip. Dean had finally looked away and was playing with a cigarette, the way he did when he was thinking hard about something. The class dragged on and Dean didn’t say a single word and Castiel wasn’t contributing to the silence either. Eventually, the professor was dismissing the class and before Castiel could even put his pen down, Dean had leapt over his seat and ran towards the door. Castiel watched the door as if expecting for Dean to walk back in, but he never did. He had completely forgotten that he was tired.

 (๑ˇεˇ๑)•*¨*•.¸¸♪

The next day might’ve been even duller than yesterday, but Castiel was at least rested enough to do something productive. His first class was nothing more than boring but it was only Tuesday, maybe his week would become a little more exciting. He walked into his next class and his eyes scanned the classroom for an open seat. He was going to sit on the last row by a window, when his eyes landed on short brown hair and shoulders covered by a leather jacket.

_You’ve got to be kidding me._

Castiel pushed through the people already sitting down and sat to the right of Dean. They were at the end of the row again while an unlit cigarette hanged from his mouth. He sat down next to him and got out his notebook and pen. He glanced over at Dean, Castiel’s eyes counting every freckle that was sprinkled on those cheeks.

Dean could feel Cas watching him but Dean looked down at his bouncing knee. He still didn’t know why the hell he was there. But the greatest mystery of all was why he went before eating something. Dean’s stomach was grumbling in annoyance and he was pretty sure Cas had heard when he smiled down at his notebook. He glared at Cas, only making the smile on the dipshit’s face grow wider. Dean finally looked away when he felt his tattoo burning straight through his clothes.

It was the same as yesterday. Neither of them said a word to each other throughout the whole class and only gave quick glances to the other. By the end of the class, Dean had bolted out of the room again without so much as saying a word.

 

Castiel walked into his second class of the day with the knowledge that Dean was going to be waiting for him. He sat to the right of him and took out his materials again, but this time, he placed a warm burrito on top of his notebook.

Dean glanced at the burrito on the desk, his cigarette falling from his mouth and onto his lap in surprise. He looked at Cas but he placed the tin foiled food on Dean’s desk without as much as making eye contact. Dean carefully and slowly unwrapped the burrito, his eyes darting from the tin to Cas’ hands, already scribbling on his notebook. More than anything, he wanted to be able to say something to Cas right then and there but no words would come out of his mouth.

He ate the burrito slowly, enjoying each bite and the warm feeling it sent throughout his entire body. He practically moaned out with pleasure as he took another bite. Cas glanced at him with a raised eyebrow, his right hand playing with the edge of the paper. Dean shrugged and moved the burrito to Cas’ face, offering him a bite which he of course refused. He laughed and took another bite from the burrito, facing the window to his left. It was a really nice day.

 ฅ(๑*д*๑)ฅ!!

Castiel was in his dorm, writing out an assignment for Literature. The music of Kansas played through the speakers quietly, wrapping around him in a quiet layer of tranquility. He looked through his notes but remembered he hadn’t written any down because Dean had been moaning and eating a burrito that morning. It was absolute torture. Listening to those damn noises and the pain of his tattoo was enough to distract him the whole class.

His back was against the bed frame, his legs crossed over each other as thousands of papers laid on the bed covers.

His thoughts had wandered into complete nonsense when he was brought back to reality by a quick rap at the window. Castiel should’ve been more surprised at seeing Dean outside his window, but he calmly walked towards it and slid it open.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Like hell if I know.”

Cas smiled, his hands pressed to the frame of the window, as Dean crouched at eye level. “Come on.”

“Where?” The curiosity in Cas’ voice made Dean’s face break into a wide grin.

“Cas, at some point, you’re gonna have to trust me.”

Reluctantly, Cas climbed over the edge of the window and onto the ledge, Dean helping him stand up straight.

“How did you get up here?”

“I got a little help.” Dean said as he led him to the ladder at the side of the building. He could’ve simply knocked on the door but _no_ , he had to climb up to the third floor of the building with a ladder.

He was smoking a cigarette, letting it hang on his mouth as he shoved his hands into his pockets. Cas followed behind him, his quiet footsteps echoing through the quiet campus. They walked towards the Impala, patiently waiting for her owner to return. Before he got in he dropped his cigarette on the floor, not wanting it to distract him while he said what he had to.

They were sitting beside each other inside the Impala, not saying a word, as the silence stretched out between them.

Castiel looked out of the window, out at the dark campus that was showered with moonlight.

“I think I’ve known for a while.” Castiel faced Dean. He was looking down at his lap, one hand thrown out over the window rest while the other played with the steering wheel.

“Known… what?”

“That, you know, we’re,” he gestured between the two while still looking down at his lap. “I mean, I didn’t know for sure, but the signs were there I guess.” Dean looked at Castiel, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth. “And since I was with Lisa, I couldn’t see it.” He looked down at his lap again. “Or maybe I just didn’t want to see it.” That stung. Castiel looked down at his lap, trying to ignore the burning pain from his tattoo.

“Believe me, it wasn’t a joy ride for me either.”  Dean looked at him and for a second it was all he could think about. Those green eyes that seemed to know what you were going to say before you said it. “When we first met, my tattoo would burn and it would be impossible to even breathe.”

Dean chuckled. “When I blamed you,” he continued, “it was because you were confirming something I was too scared to admit.” If this was his idea of an explanation, he sucked.

“Dean-”

“You already have enough problems Cas. With the whole family disaster and college and other crap, I didn’t want to think I would be your soulmate. I didn’t want you to have to deal with my fucking crap too.

He looked at Dean, fondness gripping at his heart. “And that’s why you reacted the way you did?”

“I mean,” Dean ran a hand through his hair, “I was just surprised.” It was another long silence. His face was still littered with bruises and the scab was still splayed on his cheek, but Castiel couldn’t get enough of his features. “When I got my tattoo, I wasn’t opened to the idea of ‘us’. There was a lot going through my mind and us dating was freaking me out. But now…” he looked at Castiel, “I overreacted. Now I see the situation better and I was wrong to act that way.”

There was no need for Dean to apologize since he had reacted the way Castiel had expected, but either way, he appreciated the explanation.

“Thanks Dean.” He smiled and everything seemed to be alright between the two. “We can deal with the whole soulmate later.” Dean nodded and looked down at the seats. He was worried that maybe he had said something wrong but then Dean smiled and slapped him on the shoulder. They laughed and Castiel got out of the car.

It was a chilly night, so Castiel hugged his arms to his chest as he walked back to his dorm. The roar of the Impala came to life in the silent night and he was a little confused when it seemed to be getting closer instead of farther away. He stepped back in surprised when the Impala pulled up in front of him.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean called through the passenger’s seat. Castiel walked to the window and looked at him, his green eyes twinkling in the darkness. “Just so you know that was me saying that I was ready to try this out, you know, accepting our fate or whatever.” He gave him a small smile before driving away, leaving Castiel standing alone in the freezing cold quietly cussing at himself. How had he not picked up on that? He watched the car drive away, hoping like hell it would turn around again. It didn’t.


	19. Chapter 19

He was under the car, sweat making his gray shirt stick to his body, his hands working the screwdriver. Dean had been working on that car the whole day and his hands were sore as hell, making that day a pretty awesome day.  His shift officially started at 3 in the afternoon but Dean wanted to work some extra hours so he was there since 6, working for 4 hours straight.

At this point his back was aching and his bottom lip was sore from biting too hard on it throughout the excruciating process of fixing the car, yet he didn’t stop for a second. Dean had given up the few hours of sleep he got each night tossing and turning, regretting like hell of having gone to Cas’ dorm and completely having made a fucking idiot of himself. Now he indulged his thoughts onto the car, not letting Cas or any other crap distract him from the task at hand. He was a professional for God’s sake, he couldn’t let a fucking guy get in the way of him doing his job. So far, he was doing great. Dean hadn’t smoked once that day which was a pretty impressive accomplishment, mostly due to the fact that he had forgotten his pack at home when he could’ve bought a new one at any time.

Bobby had protested a little when Dean had parked outside of the shop but how could the old man deny Dean working a couple more hours when the work needed to be done.

He had gotten into a rhythm, turning the wrench to the beat of his heart, when someone slapped the hood of the car.

“Hey, Dean, you almost done?” Garth asked.

“About finished,” Dean grunted as he finally screwed on the metal piece into place.

“Good, cause a car just pulled up and since everyone’s still busy-”

“You don’t have to pitch the product to me Garth, cause I’m already sold.”

He slid out from underneath the car, looking at the ceiling lights for a while as he caught his breath. Everything, the noises of machinery and guys talking mixing into a solid sound of tranquility for Dean. Today was going to be a good day. He could just feel it.

The owner drove off with his car while Dean wandered to his work table. There were tools littered all over the surface while his toolbox sat right on the middle of it, patiently waiting for Dean to look through it on search of his tool.  He smiled down at it, taking in the order of everything. It was a chaotic organization system that made Dean realize just how much he fucking loved being a mechanic. He reached for his leather jacket, fishing out his cell phone from the pocket before realizing what the hell he was doing. Dean had to blink several times to clear the temporary black out he had just had when he was staring at Cas’ name displayed on the screen.

Suddenly, the world tilted. Nothing seemed okay anymore, it seemed like that day was back to being another day in which he was just pushing through until he was home and could disappear in the sweet bliss of sleep. His tattoo ached and burned and steamed but Dean stood there for a second, the phone tucked back inside the jacket. As the smoke drifted upwards into his nose and line of vision, Dean _really_ wished that he had stopped by the 7-Eleven he had passed on his way to work. He needed to smoke.

The car was parked into place yet Dean kept looking down at his chest, at the spot where he could feel his burning tattoo but, fortunately, couldn’t see. Dean was shaken from his thoughts when Garth slapped his back. He quickly swatted at the smoke and turned to face the skinny little guy.

“What?”

“The owner said that the car was making a wheezing noise but I didn’t hear anything so check that out. Also, it keeps breaking really hard, almost broke my damn neck. Oh and there’s this weird rattling coming from the vent.”

Dean nodded to himself and walked over to the car, sitting himself on the driver’s seat. He chuckled to himself. The damn pimpmobile was a 1978 Lincoln Continental Mark V and it was strangely neat even though the smell of hamburger lingered on the seats. Whoever drove this car must’ve been an old creepy guy that was half bald with a mustache. Dean turned on the ignition and sat still as he heard for the rattling Garth had mentioned. He heard it immediately but sat there for a couple more seconds, straining his ears until he heard the wheezing sound the owner must’ve been talking about. Damn that guy had good ears.

He got out of the car and walked over to his work table, searching the toolbox for whatever would help him fix that rattling vent. However, as soon as he had found the tool and had turned around, it had slipped from his grasped and fallen heavily onto his foot.

“Oh fuck!” He jumped on his left foot as he grasped his right foot with his hands.

Cas immediately rushed over and tried to help Dean but he dropped the foot and hobbled to the car. His foot already hurt like a bitch, he didn’t need his tattoo tearing a new one into his chest.

“What the hell are you doing here Cas?”

Cas had his hands inside the pockets of his thin gray hoodie and Dean hated to admit it but _damn_. His hair was still a fucking mess and it he wasn’t even wearing matching shoes. _Oh GOD._

“Um, I came because of,” he gestured to the car, “my car has been acting up lately and who else to ask, right?”

Dean only felt his mouth hanging open when the slightest hint of a smile played at Cas’ lips. From all the people the car could’ve belonged to, he did NOT expect it to be Cas’.

 “Well, thank you for thinking about me. I feel honored.” He tried to make it a joke but even he heard the slight desperation in his tone.

“Yeah, and,” Cas looked down at the ground, running a hand through his already messy hair, “I wanted to talk to you.”

Dean’s tattoo burned and the sudden uprising of smoke surprised both of them. He tried to swat it away but it was useless; the tattoo was sending cold shivers down his spine that made his every nerve tingle, while waves of aching heat spread throughout his chest. Cas’ eyes were huge and it would’ve been funny if it wasn’t for the fact that they were both blushing like crazy.

He was able to make his tattoo’s smoke stop rising when he looked at the other end of the shop to see Bobby leaning over a car with his pants so low, there was little left to the imagination. Which fucking sucked since he would have that image seared into his brain forever.

Dean glanced at Cas again and was met with those blue eyes looking right at him.

“Can we talk?” Cas asked in calm voice that didn’t seem as much of a question but as a statement that only had one answer.

“Um, not right now.” Dean turned back to the car, his foot still throbbing and the tattoo in no way lessening the pain that it was sending throughout his body.

“Because fixing my car prevents you from talking.”

“A little, yeah, if you want me to do it right.”

Cas rolled his eyes in annoyance. “I just want to talk.”

Now Dean was getting a little pissed too. “Cas, I said not right now.”

“Then when?”

 _DAMN this dude is stubborn_. “Later, okay? Right now, you’re being the crazy chick who can’t take a hint so don’t be that person and understand that we’ll talk later.”

The pain only increased when Cas cocked an eyebrow and fixed Dean with a piercing look.

“Fine,” he said defiantly.

Dean gave him a forced smile and turned towards the car. He only hobbled a couple of steps before turning around and, sure enough, being met with the sight of Cas leaning against the work table.

“Can I help you?”

“You said later,” Cas said as he twirled a screwdriver on his long, slim fingers, “so I’ll just wait here then.”

All Dean could do was huff out a laugh. He might’ve admitted whatever feelings he had for Cas were there, but he was getting really close to literally kicking the guy to the curve.

“Cas-”

“I thought it was kind of unfair that you just told me that you were ready to be whatever and then leaving.”

“I am sorry, but I do NOT want to talk about it here or now.”

“So you’re pushing away someone who wants to talk to you? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised-” Dean marched to Cas and pulled him by the arm to Bobby’s office, much to Cas’ protest.

He slammed the door closed and rubbed his fingers on his temple, closing his eyes and trying to think through the pressure the tattoo was applying on his chest.

“Cas, I swear you can be so fucking annoying sometimes.”

“I like spending time with you too Mr. Ray of Sunshine, but I think there is a lot at hand to discuss here.”

“There is nothing to discuss!” Dean exclaimed as he spread his arms out exaggeratedly. “I said what I had to say and you assumed that was me saying that I didn’t want to ‘deal’ with this.”

Cas was glaring at him, fire burning in those already intense blue eyes. “I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear. I was giving you an out.” That probably hit Dean harder that it should’ve. “For weeks, for _weeks_ , my tattoo burned and tortured me when I barely looked at you and it wasn’t something I was necessarily ready to tell the world or you. And when I did admit I liked you, my damn tattoo would make seeing you checking out girls even more tortures. You want to act all hurt and bitch and moan about how I fucking betrayed you or other bullshit, I want you to remember that I was hurting for weeks. You’ve only had that damn for a couple of days and I can tell you’re sick of it. Now imagine how I dealt with it for the last couple of weeks I’ve known you.”

He was feeling a little crappy, to say the least. But Dean was a proud man, he couldn’t just _admit_ that he was wrong. Cas was breathing a little heavy and he was still glaring at him. Dean wanted to apologize or say something that expressed how he knew he was wrong. But then Cas said, “I’ve been struggling too Dean. Stop being so self-obsessed and see that there are people around that-”

“I’m not even going to let you finish that fucking sentence.” Cas crossed his arms as he his glared hardened. Dean should NOT be turned on by that. “Tell me, who was it that drove to fucking _Montana_ when your family was going belly up? Who comforted you when you broke down? Who tried to fucking call you for two weeks trying to make sure you were alright? I did all that because you’re my damn friend and I was worried about you. I didn’t any of that for me, it was for you Cas. I didn’t even have to think about it.”

Dean was fuming. Who the FUCK did Cas think he was? He didn’t fucking _KNOW_ him if he really thought Dean was self-obsessed. His tattoo was burning but that only fueled his already boiling blood. How fucking _dare_ he say that after everything Dean did for the asshole?

Cas had long left the strong demeanor and was looking down at the ground, toying with his fingers. He looked like such a kid that it was hard to stay mad at him, but Dean wasn’t gonna let that comment blow over like nothing.

“I…” Cas cleared his throat, “I appreciate everything you did for me. I really do.”

“No, fuck you Cas. I’ve done way too much in my life to be called ‘self-obsessed’ by someone who barely even knows me.”

Cas nodded but was still looking down at the ground. _Fuck your innocent- looking ass. Fuck your messy hair and blue eyes. Fuck your big ass hoodie that can SOMEHOW outline your strong frame. Fuck you._

Dean was still fuming about the whole ‘self-obsessed’ crap but he did remember the night that he had gotten drunk and Cas had helped him. He remembered the night Cas had found him in that very office drunk and beaten to hell. He remembered the night he had gotten his tattoo and those very fingers Cas was twisting and lacing together cleaned his fucked up back.

“I should probably go.” Dean nodded, unable to look him in the eye. Cas placed his hand on the doorknob but didn’t turn it, making Dean wish like hell that he _had_ taken the day off like he was supposed to. “I really didn’t mean what I said, I was just mad. I don’t know why.” He tried to ignore the sincerity of Cas’ words, “I know what you do for Sam, what you did for me. I’m sorry.”

 _Fuck. You._ Cas turned around with so much hurt expressed in his creased brows that Dean realized he had said that out loud. “You are such an asshole. You can’t just keep the fact that I’m your soulmate a fucking secret. You can’t just make me _confess_ myself to you, and you sure as hell can’t come here and make me feel bad about you being a jackass. You can’t do that.”

“Dean, I said I was sorry.”

“Well, sorry doesn’t sweeten my tea.” _Oh my god… Did I just fucking quote Drake and Josh?!_

“I’m already leaving okay? I get it, I screwed up.”

“Clearly you don’t.”

Cas started saying something but it was lost in Dean’s mind. He was mad at Cas, furious, but he could only stare at the way his mouth carefully formed each word. This guy was such a fucking _asshole_. He was stubborn, ignorant, didn’t let anyone help him for shit. Yet…

Dean suddenly moved towards Vas, who of course was still saying something, but when he saw Dean move he took a defensive stance.

“Wow, what are you doing?”

“Will you stand still?”

And he grabbed Cas’ cheeks and pushed their lips together with force, something he quickly regretted since that hurt like a bitch. But it was a simple press of lips, Cas’ hands outstretched in surprised. It was quick, only 3 seconds, before he took two steps back.

He didn’t know which of them was more surprised. Cas’ eyes were big in shock and his mouth hanged opened a little, his arms still outstretched. Dean just glared. _Why did he do that?_ _That’s a fucking smart plan; the guy’s being an idiot so I’ll punish him by kissing him! That’ll teach him!_

Dean was still glaring when he saw Cas move and he stepped away and raised his arms in defense.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Will you stand still?” Dean’s hands were still raised when Cas caressed his face in his hands. They were as warm and soft as he remembered.

This time, it wasn’t as awkward as Dean had made it, Cas pressing his lips to Dean’s lightly. But now they both knew what to do, and after the initial electric waves of having their lips pushed together, Dean started to kiss back. And they sank into it.

Each kiss was slow and dragged out, savoring the taste of the other. He didn’t remember when it happened but he did remember the sharp edges of Cas’ hip bones. Dean remembered the sharp inhale of air that came from Cas when he had pressed his cold fingers under the hoodie and under the other shirt.

The kisses sped up after a while, getting into the rhythm of the movement, but it wasn’t a hungry ‘I Need You Now’ kind of kiss, but more like ‘Why The _Hell_ Haven’t We Been Doing This?’

Cas had placed a hand at the nape of Dean’s neck, holding his head in place as if he was crazy enough to move away. His own hands were still holding onto Cas’ waist, making sure he didn’t get the crazy idea of backing away. He played small circles with his thumbs on the hip bones, earning a light moan that he wouldn’t have been able to hear if it wasn’t for the close proximity. Dean was able to hear a light moan come from Cas that was able to drag one out of him too. He squeezed Cas’ waist, earning a small nip to the bottom lip, and pulled him closer, but there was no more space to fill. Dean smiled against Cas’ lips and he could feel the returned smiled. Cas broke the kiss for a second as he lightly kissed the part where he had bit Dean’s lip. It was hot, no other word to describe it, so he dipped his head and reconnected wit Cas.

Each kiss sent tingles down to his feet, but it was _nothing_ to do with the tattoo. This was all Cas. It was all the taste of toothpaste and the natural aroma of the guy that was making Dean’s head swim. It was all because of his warm hand that was on his neck and the long fingers running through his short hair. It was the way that Cas played with the small hair at the back of his head. His dancing nerves were due to the fact that he’d been waiting to do this since he first saw the creep watching him make out with Lisa at the park.

Time slowed around them, dragging out the moment for what seemed like hours, the kisses becoming slower until they pulled apart.

They pressed their foreheads together, looking at each other’s swollen mouths and wishing like hell that they could kiss them again. Dean was still playing small circles on the sharp hip bones under the hoodie and was trying to discretely pull Cas closer to him. Neither said a word, because there was no need for it, no need to disrupt the perfectness of the moment with useless words. Dean risked a quick kiss before pulling away completely, putting a considerable amount of distance between the two. Cas was confused but Dean just smirked at him before Garth opened the door to the office.

“Hey, you done with the car? We need you to do another car.”

Cas was nodding at Garth as if he’d just spoken to him, but Dean couldn’t look away from Cas. He couldn’t take his eyes away from those swollen and red lips and he couldn’t help but smirk at the fact that it was _him_ that had caused those lips to get swollen and red, not doubting his were the same. Now, Dean chuckled at the fact that it was Cas who had done that to him.

He was still staring, with an idiot smile on his face, when Cas turned his attention to Dean.

“Earth to Dean! You there buddy?” Garth snapped his fingers in front of his face and not even that could dampen his good mood.

“I’m on it,” Dean said without taking his eyes away from Cas, who was looking at everything except him. He rushed out of the office and grabbed his keys from the work table, turning on the car and ready to drive off. Dean wanted to stop him but he was already out of the shop. That made him feel like a on night stand, and let me tell you, that don’t feel any kind of good.  He watched the pimpmobile blend in with the traffic, wondering why Cas had just dipped, before waving at Garth to bring in the other car. Back to fixing cars and ticking away the seconds until he got to go home.


	20. Chapter 20

The beer was cold in his hand as he walked towards the door, the condensation wetting his hand. Castiel wiped his hand on his sweatpants before opening the door as he set the bottle on the coffee table. He wasn’t expecting anybody but other people lived in that suite too so it was possible it wasn’t even for him, but it was still irritating having to do so much to open the door. That feeling suddenly left his body as soon as Castiel opened the door and saw Dean standing at the other side of it. It was a weird feeling since he wasn’t feeling anything, just shock and a little frightened.

“Hi,” Dean said with wide eyes as his mouth hung open.

“Hello, Dean.”

It had happened yesterday and Castiel hadn’t really processed the events until that very moment. It was at that moment that he really realized how much he had screwed up yesterday.

“Uh,” Dean rubbed his right hand on his neck while the other snuck into his pocket, clearly looking for his pack, “um.” He was looking down the hallway and down at his feet, shuffling and clearing his throat. “Well, uh… I uh… Ah…”

“Great conversation.” It came out more snarky than what Castiel intended, but only now was his tattoo really registering that Dean was standing less than 3 feet away. It was burning like hell but thank whatever God is in the sky that it wasn’t steaming. Castiel didn’t need more of a reason to bury himself 6 feet underground.

“Yeah,” he said with a shaky laugh, “I was… uh, I was wondering…” Dean finally looked up at Castiel, green eyes piercing right into him. “Is… Is Ash home?”

Castiel wasn’t expecting that question. “Uh, he’s not home right now. He has the night shift at the Roadhouse so he’d be home after 2.”

“Friday nights ARE the busiest.” It was an awkward laugh that only made the tension thicker. “So, um, is anyone else here?”

“You mean Benny or Samandriel?”

“Those ARE the other guys that live here.”

Another forced laugh. “They’re not here either.”

They held each other’s gaze for a while which was broken by Dean’s cough. Castiel was really wishing he had thrown another layer on when he saw Dean’s name shining through his white shirt. The tension and awkwardness only increased when Castiel saw his own name burning through Dean’s black shirt, the three letters sending electricity through all of his nerves.

“So, um, you’re here alone?”

“If you’re wondering if Benny or Samandriel are here, they’re not. Like I said before.”

It was a sheepish smile, flushing Dean’s face scarlet as he rubbed his neck again and looking down at his feet.

“I don’t know why I-”

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” It came out in a rush that caught Dean by surprise, his eyes widening and his mouth slightly hanging open.

“Oh.”

“I was just nervous and it was something that… It was unexpected and I was caught off guard and I didn’t know how else to react.”

“Hey, Cas, it’s fine. I get it, I mean, I wasn’t expecting our first,” Dean was looking at Castiel’s chest while motioning between them, “to be in Bobby’s office. The same office you saw me drunk and beaten to hell.”

Castiel let out a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized he had been holding. Yesterday and that whole morning the only thing he could think about was the hundreds of tests that were crashing in on him. Now, he was more relaxed about having run out.

“That’s good. I didn’t mean to just rush out like that, it was just I was a little taken aback and I haven’t done… that…”

Dean frowned at him, crossing his arms as a small smile played on his lips. “Have you not had… a… relationship before?”

“What? No! I mean, I _have_ had relationships, but,” Castiel didn’t like the way Dean was smiling at him and shuffling closer to him, tilting his head while his green gold eyes twinkled with amusement. “I HAVE had relationships, but it was still… new.”

“No, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It’s like you know what to do but you still don’t… know what to do. You know?”

“Oddly enough, I do.” His smile grew wider while Castiel could feel a returning smile on his own lips. They were mere inches away now and the tension only grew with every breath, but Castiel welcomed it. He could see every freckle on the other’s face; he was able to smell the hint of mint with the lingering of cigarette smoke on his breath. Dean was still smiling at him and there was only an inch height difference between them but it still felt like he was looking down at Castiel.

They didn’t say anything for a while, just shared the same breaths, before Castiel noticed the glance from his eyes to his lips. His gaze lingered on his lips and everything seemed to disappear. His tattoo was humming and his heart was racing and the memory of those lips on his owns was way too vivid.

Dean’s breath hitched and his eyes slowly scanned Castiel’s face before returning to hold onto his gaze, his green eyes filled with lust that he couldn’t deny was sending electric waves throughout his body.

“Are you gonna invite me inside or what?” Dean whispered.

In that moment, Castiel forgot about everything and let his body act for him. His hands found their way to Dean’s jacket, scrunching it under his fists and pulling him closer. “Do you want to come inside?” He mumbled under his breath.

Dean’s breath hitched, tilting his head towards Castiel. “What do you think?” Their lips brushed and Castiel tightened his grip on the leather jacket.

He slowly walked them backwards, every time that their lips brushed his tattoo burning painfully. The agony of not having those lips on his own hurt more than the tattoo burning on his skin. Dean closed the door behind him and Castiel didn’t mean to but he pressed him against the closed the door, but when he heard the soft moan escape his clenched teeth GOD he was glad he had done it.

“You know,” Dean said as he pressed a light kiss on the corner of his mouth, “it was an asshole move just leaving like that.”

“I know but you’re an asshole too.”

“How?” Dean smiled at him as he brushed their lips again.

“I had to go weeks,” Castiel dipped his head to the crook of Dean’s neck, “looking at you and not being able to do a thing about it.”

A laugh shook through his body as he craned his neck to the left to give Castiel more space. “What’s stopping you now?”

Castiel pressed a small kiss on his jaw line before moving his lips towards Dean’s and finally pressing them together.

Dean’s hands were cradling his face, the rough skin scrapping against his cheeks. It was slow kisses, timid at first that soon turned faster and hungrier. They were barely able to catch their breaths as Dean pulled Castiel closer and he tried to push Dean harder onto the door.

He was pressing harder against Dean, trying to get closer even when there was no more space to get closer in, but when he felt those calloused hands shift towards his hair, pulling and tilting his head just right, something sparked. Castiel wasn’t a virgin and the times he had done it with a girl, it was intense. But this, it was different. Maybe it was their second kiss and maybe they should’ve been taking it slower, but being there, pushing and rolling their hips together, all he wanted was him.

At first, it had been a mystery why he had come to Cas’ suite. Dean’s memory got sort of fussy when he tried to think of the ride over. When he saw his name flashing under Cas’ white shirt, he tried to blame it on his tattoo, that it had pulled him there.

As he ran his hands through that thick black hair and felt those hips pressing against his own, he realized that he just _really_ wanted to kiss Cas again.

They were hungry kisses that left them gasping for air but never getting enough before sinking into again, but it was still timid. It was new ground between the two, and when Dean let his tongue slip between Cas’ lips it was unsure and timid.

But the response was immediate. Cas’ grip tightened on his leather jacket before he let it go and slipped his hands under his shirt, placing them on his hips. Without meaning to his breath hitched and he rocked his hips against Cas. He was gripping Dean’s hips so damn hard he was sure he’d have a bruise the next day. This time he would actually like it. He was able to taste the beer in his mouth and it was intoxicating.

He didn’t hear the bedroom door open but _did_ hear the loud “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

They pulled apart and Dean tried to focus on the guy standing at the doorway but his tattoo was making Cas’ fingertips burn against his skin. It took him way too long to actually focus on the guy that had just come out of the bedroom.

“Shit,” Cas breathed out. He pulled away and ran a hand through his hair, only making it messier than it already was. His tattoo jumped and he tried to hide the smile that had sneaked onto his face just knowing that it was _him_ that had made it like that.

“Cas, seriously, what the fuck is this?” The guy was walking towards them, furious and fuming, Cas meeting him half way.

“Calm down-”

“How the hell am I gonna calm down when my damn _boyfriend_ is making out with a random guy while I’m in the next fucking room!”

He wasn’t happy anymore about the fact that Cas’ lips were swollen and that he matching the same look. He was only confused.

“What?”

The guy turned his glare from Cas to Dean. “Oh, what, he didn’t tell you that he had a boyfriend?”

“Okay, first of all, you’re not my boyfriend,” Cas said, annoyance dripping from each word but before he could say anything else the guy was pushing past him and making his way towards Dean.

“You fucking asshole. Can’t get your own damn guy so you go for ones already in relationships?”

The guy was pushing closer to Dean and his confusion quickly turned into anger. _Who the fuck was this guy?_ “Listen man, you’re gonna HAVE to back up right now.”

“Or what? You’re gonna kiss me too?”

He was already gripping the guy’s collar and ready to throw a punch when Cas was pushing the guy away, looking even more annoyed than anything else. The guy was shouting some crap about not being able to fight his own battles and that was pushing even more buttons. Dean tried to throw another punch but was only met with Cas’ back pressing against his chest.

“Better shut your fucking mouth before I give you a pretty little nose to sport around,” he spit over from behind Cas.

“Yeah, I’d like to see you try.” He tried to push Cas away, just trying to connect his fist to the guy’s fucking face.

“STOP.” Cas was in between the two, his hands on both their chests, Dean’s tattoo burning with anger. He was glaring at the guy and he was just glaring back while Cas kept his hands on their chests. “Okay I don’t know where the hell this went wrong, but we need to get something straight,” his hand still on Dean’s chest he turned to face the other guy, “you are not my boyfriend.”

“Really? You’re breaking up with me because of your little man toy?”

“OUT.” The guy glared at Cas for a couple of seconds before heading towards the front door, Cas keeping his hand on Dean’s chest to make sure he didn’t attack the other guy. Good thing too because he was ready to tear that guy apart.

Once he was out, Dean turned on Cas with more fury than what he meant to. “Who the hell was that guy?” Cas opened his mouth but Dean didn’t let him get one word out. “So that’s how this is? When we don’t talk for a couple of days you are already with another guy? Dammit Cas, I-”

“Dean.” He went quiet, the calm force in Cas’ voice alarming. Dean could still hear annoyance in his tone. “If you want to have a civil conversation, you have to calm down.”

“Who was that guy?”

“Not my boyfriend.”

“Then who was he?”

“Gabriel.”

 _Okay… what?_ “As in…”

“My brother.” He was letting Dean figure it out by himself, make sure he realized how much of a dumbass he really was. His tattoo was sending shivers down his spine, butterflies in his stomach that made him a little uncomfortable.

“So… not your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Dean let out a sigh of relief. Honestly, when that guy had started yelling and calling Cas his boyfriend, he had gotten a little worried that it was true. Fine, it was more than slightly worried. He was fucking scared.

Dean smiled and Cas returned the same kind smile before Gabriel walked back inside.

“Hey, sorry about that, just having a little fun. You must be Dean.” He was extending his hand towards Dean but he didn’t do anything but glare at him. “Alright, you kitties have a lot to talk about so I’m gonna head out.”

“Gabriel,” Cas began but Gabriel had already returned from the bedroom with his jacket and was heading out the front door again.

“I’ll go to the record store for a couple of hours so you two have enough time to roll around the hay.”

And he was gone. They were both staring at the door, not really believing what had just happened. He had just met Gabriel and it had been the weirdest experience of his entire life.

“So _that’s_ your brother?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t give you any kind of warning.” Even though he was still a little scared about how jealous he had gotten over Cas, seeing that sheepish smile that was screaming ‘I’m sorry’ was the cutest thing ever.

“It’s okay, better sooner than later.” He grabbed Cas by the waist and pulled him towards him.

The circumstances were a little off but he couldn’t keep his hands off that guy. He dipped his head and felt those amazingly warm and soft lips against his again. At first, it was hungry, tongues licking inside each other’s mouth. He was able to hear the soft moans coming from inside of Cas’ chest and he could feel his tattoo humming against Dean’s chest.

But something had changed between the first kiss to the second one. Dean slowed down, dragging out each kiss while their tongues crashed together. He didn’t want to do it, but he pulled back and closed his eyes.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice was laced with concern, making Dean feel worse than he already was.

“I have come to terms on the fact that I like you,” he said as he grabbed Cas’ hands and looked down at them, “but I just feel like we’re… moving a bit fast.” Cas didn’t respond and when Dean looked back up, he was met with blue eyes filled with worry. “I mean, I just broke up with Lisa, and I _really_ like you, but…”

“Dean.” It was a quiet word that made his tattoo send electric waves down every nerve in his body. “I completely understand.”

“You do?”

“Of course.” Relief washed over him and as he looked into those deep blue eyes, it all clicked into place. With a sudden realization, he understood exactly what made them soulmates. “Want to watch a movie or something?”

“I would love that,” Dean sighed out with relief. Cas walked over to the couch and sat down on the middle of it, turning on the TV while Dean sat close to him. He leaned back and dragged Cas closer to his chest, snaking his arm around his waist. Games of Thrones was playing but Dean couldn’t focus on whatever was happening on the show. He was resting his chin on Cas’ shoulder, his lips pressed to his jawline. It was a nice day, relaxing and exciting at best.


	21. Chapter 21

At some point Dean had completely given up trying to focus on whatever TV show was going on after Game of Thrones had finished and was too focused on the way Cas’ even breathing felt against his chest. He was resting against the arm’s rest, one leg hanging over the edge of the couch, as Cas lay on his chest.

Both of Dean’s hands were on Cas’ stomach, playing with his left hand with no purpose or reason except knowing that those long fingers fit perfectly with his, while Cas’ left hand rubbed lazily against Dean’s hanging leg.

Cas’ head rested on Dean’s shoulder and while a lady with big everything kept running across the screen, all he could focus on was rubbing his nose against Cas’ ear.

It was weird. About a month ago, he would’ve _never_ imagined seeing Cas as anything but a friend. Then he began to feel little tingles in his body when he saw Cas or thought of him. Now, he was cuddling with the guy as if it was the most natural thing in the world, like they’d been doing that for years. It was the best kind of weird.

“What are you thinking of?” Cas murmured. He could feel a smile spread through his lips as he pressed them against that dark mess of a hair.

“Why?”

“Your tattoo is burning against my back.”

“Oh, sorry-”

“No,” Cas protested, pressing deeper onto Dean’s chest when he tried to move away, “it’s nice. I’m just curious what made it start burning.”

“Oh.” Without meaning to, his tattoo burned stronger as his cheeks flushed over. “Um, it was nothing.”

Cas’ low laugh rippled through their bodies and it only made Dean’s smile become wider. He tightened his arms around Cas’ waist and his lips found crook behind his earlobe. Cas leaned into the touch, a soft hum escaping his chest and travelling into Dean.

“I was just thinking,” he whispered before he chickened out, “how comfortable this feels.”

“It’s not like we haven’t hanged out with each other before.”

“I know but now it’s different.” Dean moved his lips to the slight stubble on the other guy’s jaw, his lips brushing against his neck as he talked. “Now we know that we’re… a thing, and yet it’s not like there’s an added pressure or anything.”

“You thought there’d be added pressure?” The concern in Cas’ voice was evident as it was endearing. _God,_ what had happened to him? Since when did he think of ANYTHING as endearing?

“At first I DID think there’d be this need for us to immediately get married or some crap like that. But now, like right now,” he tightened his arms once again, “it feels so comfortable and easy.”

Cas laughed and at first he was confused but that was quickly swept aside when Cas turned his face towards Dean. Those stormy blue eyes, the eyes that made everything about Cas so serious yet so honest and innocent, were centimeters away from his own. Dean’s breath hitched, Cas shifting at the added heat from the tattoo that was pressing against his back. Why the _hell_ did he ever think it was easy between them two?

He looked at Cas and a thousand thoughts crossed his mind, a thousand different motions that his hands wanted to do at once, and million other things occurred throughout his entire body that at some point it had become too much to analyze at once.

Dean slowly moved their lips together, shots of electricity coursing everywhere. They moved their lips as if they were shy teenagers again, not wanting to show the other person just how eager they actually were.  Dean shifted, trying to get more access and Cas willingly let their bodies be shifted until they Cas was on his back and Dean hovered over him.

He was trying, believe it or not, to take it slow. His tattoo was burning and he was desperately trying to stop whatever the hell was happening, but he couldn’t, he didn’t want to. Before Dean got his tattoo, he would’ve easily pulled away and thought things through like a rational person. But his body was acting on its own, his tattoo controlling his actions and making him forget anything about taking it slow.

 Cas was pulling on his hips, trying to pin them down on his own, and Dean wasn’t putting up much of a fight either. Dean placed his left hand on the armrest while the other curved along Cas’ waist. All his nerves were acting up, acting as if they’d never been touched before.

They’d soon forgotten about being shy teenagers when tongues and light moans were involved. Cas’ leg was nudged in between Dean’s legs, rubbing and otherwise making the moment even hotter than it already was.

 _Come on Dean,_ his mind thought but his tongue kept finding his way into Cas’ mouth. He tasted like mint and not ever had that been so fucking hot.

His tattoo was steaming but he didn’t have it in him to care, only focused on Cas’ hands and how they travelled up and down his sides, his leg still rubbing against his inner thighs. By accident, most likely by choice, he bit Cas’ bottom lip. Cas laughed at the memory of the bite he’d given Dean earlier and even though he tried to stop laughing, they both ended up laughing hysterically.

At that point, it seemed weird to get back to the intense make out session, so they stayed there, running their hands over hips and ribs in slow motions. Dean looked down at Cas’ lips to notice just how swollen and red and _wet_ they were.

Without saying a word, Cas pushed himself off the couch and ran his fingers through Dean’s short hair before leaving the living room.

Dean was curious where he was going but he wasn’t going to ask. That’s what a girlfriend would do and if anything, he wasn’t the girlfriend in the relationship. Or whatever the hell this was. He lay on his back with his hand under his head and watched a movie that was quietly playing on the TV. His tattoo was still burning but it wasn’t painful, just uncomfortable. Cas returned from the kitchen with two beers in hand and Dean sat up to give Cas a place to sit. They gave each other a little space but they were still sitting relatively close.

“So,” Dean attempted at small talk, “that was Gabriel.” Stupid question since both Novak brothers had made it clear that it was.

“Yeah, he dropped by late last night and we were catching up when you showed up.”

“He’s a…” he wanted to say something that wouldn’t make Cas mad or make the space between them wider.

“An asshole?” Cas responded coolly as he drank his beer.

He laughed. “Yeah, he’s an asshole, wouldn’t even know you two are related.”

“Gabriel is the trickster of the family, kind of the black sheep.”

“But that’s a good sign, right?” Cas gave him a confused look with the beer hanging halfway to his mouth. “I mean, if Gabriel is here, that means that your family-”

“Is still fucked up?” Dean wasn’t used to Cas cussing or hearing so much anger in his voice. It worried him to see level headed Cas act that way. It always scared him. “The holidays are coming up and I haven’t heard anything from my mother, Anna hasn’t called me since I saw her back home, and my father hasn’t contacted anybody.”

Neither of them moved away but there was a huge gap between them that only stretched wider with every growing second. But what the hell was Dean supposed to say? He hated being in these kind of situations. He hated the fact that it was _Cas_ even more.

“Hey, if you’re worried about the holidays, you can spend it with Sam and me. We usually watch Christmas movies and eat Chinese food. Gabriel can come too if you want.”

It wasn’t much, but a small smile played at the corners of Cas’ mouth. They watched the ending of the movie, Dean had trouble remembering the name, and Cas got up to get their second round of beers, when the door burst open dramatically.

Gabriel strolled in, a bag with the name _Dani’s Emporium_ written on it hanging on his side.

“Hello my lovelies.”

Dean didn’t realize he was standing up until he felt a light hand on his forearm.

“Cool it Deano, I don’t want you to get hurt.” Gabriel shoved the bag into Dean’s arms and dropped himself onto the couch.

The bag was filled with a soap bar, a shirt, and a bowl. “What the hell is this?”

“Oh, I’m going to a play later.” There were way too many questions running through his head so Dean decided to ignore them for his own sanity.

“Gabriel-” Cas began but Gabriel threw his hands in the air and snatched the bag from Dean before heading to the bedroom.

“You guys better not do anything I wouldn’t do,” the older Novak called over his shoulder.

“There isn’t anything you wouldn’t do,” Cas pointed out.

“Exactly.” Gabriel winked at them before closing the bedroom door.

Dean felt the frown on his face and tried to smooth it out but Gabriel wasn’t the most likeable person he had met, even _if_ he was Cas’ older brother. No, ESPECIALLY since he was Cas’ older brother.

“You’re lucky that he’s being normal.” Cas sat back down on the couch as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

“Yeah,” Dean sat down next to Cas, “ _lucky._ ”

Cas leaned back and it was hard to see but it was there: he was sad. Even if he WAS a total jackass and many other insults Dean was sure to call him, but he was all Cas had of his family right now. He’d have to play nice.

“Well, I gotta say,” he said as he snaked a hand around Cas’ waist, “I picked the better looking Novak.”

He rested his chin on his shoulder, on Cas’ brick house shoulder, and tried to forget that the creepy older brother was one wall away. For the time being, he would enjoy having Cas in his arms and try not to be too much of a Nicholas Sparks movie about it.


	22. Chapter 22

Finals came crashing into Castiel’s life with no warning. Well, maybe there WAS a warning but Dean was pretty good at distracting him from it. Every weekend it was either spent hanging out with the Winchester brothers, which pretty quickly became the closest thing to a family Castiel had EVER had, or in the backseat of the Impala taking part in heavy make out sessions.

On the weekdays, getting rid of Dean had become one of the biggest challenges, meaning studying had to be put off until well past midnight.

It was another Thursday night that Castiel tried his hardest to study through but after an hour of staring at the same text, the words had begun floating around the page. _Cheyenne Anthem_ played through the stereo while Dean lay on Castiel’s bed, flipping through a car magazine.

“Ugh,” Castiel grunted in defeat as he let his head fall on the open textbook.

“I knew it,” Dean said, flipping the page of his magazine. “Books were gonna be the death of you. Now, I just wait until they get Sammy.”

“This is useless.”

“Don’t say that, you were doing fine.” Castiel lifted his head and turned to look at Dean, who was still flipping through the pages nonchalantly. He noticed Castiel glaring so he lowered the magazine to his lap. “What?”

“I _wasn’t_ doing fine. I have NO idea what ANY of this means and finals are next week.”

“You’re stretching yourself way too thin Cas.” He lifted himself from the bed and Castiel lifted his head, trying to focus on the words again. They were still floating on the page and making words that he was sure weren’t in his math textbook. Dean’s arms snaked around Castiel’s neck, his chin resting on the top of his head. “You’ve been studying like crazy for two weeks.”

“Doesn’t matter, I still don’t get what any of this is saying. By the time finals come around I’ll have forgotten everything.”

For a couple of seconds they didn’t say anything, letting the song finish and _Magnum Opus_ to start playing.

“You know what you need?” He hummed in question. “A distraction.”

Dean turned Castiel around on his chair, grabbing his face in between his hands and kneeling in front of him.

“That seems to be your answer to everything lately.”

He laughed before touching their lips together. Castiel drew him closer by putting his hand on the back of Dean’s neck.

Dean hummed lightly, pushing Castiel’s knees apart to get closer as he placed his hand on the lower part of Castiel’s back. His mouth tasted like cigarette smoke and beer but it was the best damn taste ever. Their tongues slid together in between smiles and broken laughter. He ran out of breath, as if he was under water, but like hell would he come up for air.

In one quick move, Dean lifted both their bodies with a quiet grunt. Wrapping his legs around Dean’s hips, Castiel felt a little weird than turned on, but the loud growl that escaped Dean’s chest was enough to overpass that.

Dean dropped them on the bed, grinding into him in the process.

Cas ran his hands through his hair and the feeling was intoxicating. He ran his fingers under Cas’ grey shirt, leaving goose bumps wherever they touched. Dean lifted his shirt and Cas helped it over his head. The cold hit him a little harshly but his tattoo was burning against his skin so hot that it was enough to distract him from it.

“You’re the best kind of distraction,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips.

He moved his lips down to Cas’ neck before he answered, kissing and licking the hot skin underneath his chin. “I’m gonna make you forget all about those damn test.” He bit Cas’ neck and the hiss that escaped him made his hips jerk downwards onto Cas’ hips. The answering thrust made Dean’s head swim and his tattoo burn hotter. His lips moved lower until they reached Cas’ shirt but Cas was on it, lifting it over his head and throwing it on the floor.

“ _Fuck…_ ” the cuss word that hissed out of Cas’ mouth had more effect on Dean than he suspected was possible, only spurring him further.

“When you look down at your test,” he mouthed onto his chest, “the only thing you’ll remember is my mouth and all the crap that it did to you.”

He kissed him lower and lower, holding down Cas’ jerking hips as he reached the lower part of his belly button, kissing the little hairs that lead under his pants. 

 “ _Dean_.” The harsh whisper would’ve given him the impression that Cas wanted him to stop but when his hands pulled on Dean’s hair, running through it and his hips still thrusting upwards.

He smirked and pulled his body upwards to reconnect his lips with Cas’. Their mouths crashed together, wet and slick and _hungry_ , asking and begin for more. Dean pushed his hand against the visible bulge on Cas’ pants, cupping it in his hands a little harshly.

Cas pushed his tongue deeper into Dean’s mouth while jerking his hand harder against Dean’s hand.

“You won’t be able to look at a pencil without thinking of me,” he breathed into Cas.

Dean felt in power, _in control_ , as he rubbed his hand against the denim that was stretched by Cas’ ever growing bulge. He straddled Cas’ hips with his thighs and let his hands travel all over his sweaty skin. He was high, intoxicated and over the fucking moon, with the smell, the _feel_ , of Cas.  How they’d gone so long without doing this was a fucking mystery that was hard to understand but now that he knew what was waiting for him he didn’t want it to stop.

But he wasn’t the only one completely in love with the feeling of the other.

Castiel was having a damn near death experience with what Dean was doing with his hands. Not only that but the roughness of Dean’s hands against his skin, scratching his chest and hips in all the right ways.

He should’ve heard the voices that were pouring through the front door but Dean’s tongue distracted him to the point of forgetting his own name. He should’ve heard Ash calling his name but he only heard the oh so sweet murmur of his name coming from Dean’s lips. Castiel _maybe_ heard the knocking on the door but he mistook it with the rapid beating of his heart and the throbbing of his tattoo. However, he DID hear the very loud ‘OH MY GOD’ that came from the door way.

Castiel looked to where Ash and his two other roommates were standing, horrified looks on their faces as Dean connected his lips to the base of Castiel’s jaw.

“Oh shit.” He tried to push Dean away but he only made his grip on Castiel’s hips stronger.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING?!” Benny and Samandriel had awkwardly backed farther onto the living room but Ash just walked deeper into the room.

Castiel tried to answer, he really did, but the words seemed to get stuck in his mouth as Dean’s hand found its way in between his legs again.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” Castiel had closed his eyes involuntarily and when he pried them opened again Ash looked about ready to drop dead.

“Dean, come on,” he said again as he tried to push him off but all he did was bite Castiel’s neck.

“SINCE WHEN ARE YOU TWO FUCKING?!”

 _“_ Your brick house shoulders are gonna be the _death_ of me,” Dean spoke against his neck as he rubbed rougher onto Castiel’s groin.

“DEAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!”

That was the point in the conversation when Dean decided to lift his head and face Ash, resting his hands on Castiel’s chest.

“Hey buddy. Is everything okay?”

Ash’s face was incredulous but Dean just smiled, still straddling Castiel and running his fingers over the steaming tattoo.

“Dean, get off me.” Castiel didn’t mean it but he kind of wanted that look of pure horror on Ash’s face to disappear. But then again he wanted Ash all together to disappear so Dean could keep doing what he was doing.

Dean lowered his mouth down Castiel’s neck again and started kissing the already bruising skin.

“CAN YOU _PLEASE_ NOT STINK UP MY ROOM WITH SEX?! _”_ Dean’s response was pushing his fingertips under the waistband of Castiel’s jeans, making him close his eyes in bliss pleasure.  He should be taking control of the situation, he had DIGNITY for God’s sake, but all he could do is jerk his hips upwards in an attempt to push Dean’s fingertips deeper into his jeans. “ARE YOU TWO FUCKING _KIDDING_ ME?!”

Dean looked over at Ash again, a little frustrated this time. “Nobody’s telling you to look Ash.” But now Dean swung his legs to the floor and snatched both of their shirts from the floor. As he walked towards the door, putting on his shirt, he looked over at Castiel who was still awkwardly lying on the bed half naked. “You coming Rose or you gonna wait until Ash here paints you like a French girl?”

Ash still had that horrified look on his face as he stood up and followed Dean out of the door and into the living room, where the two other guys sat very stiffly, not even looking at them pass by.

“Well gents, it has been a pleasure, but we gotta bounce.” He held the door open for Castiel but when he reached for his shirt Dean held it far from reach.

Castiel tried again but Dean placed it out reach again. He glared at him as Dean mouthed ‘ _Not yet_.’

He stormed out and Dean followed, grabbing his ass very provocatively. On the way down the stairs, Dean still wouldn’t give Cas his shirt. Even when they were crossing the parking lot and the cold night air hit him, he still wouldn’t budge.

“Dean, seriously, I’m freezing. Can I have my shirt back?” Dean was walking a couple paces in front of Cas and looking up at the sky. All the stars were beautiful. He turned around to face Cas, who was hugging his arms tightly to his chest.

“I like you this way,” he said as he walked backwards. “Without a shirt on, the moon making you glow all silky smooth. Not to mention those nipples of yours.”

“You’re a real Romeo now give me my shirt back assbutt.”

Dean stopped in his tracks. “ _Assbutt?”_

“Shut it.” The little pout, the furrow in Castiel’s brow, and the way he tried to reach for his shirt and failing again, made Dean burst into hysteric laughter that echoed across the silent campus.

He pulled Cas closer, running his hands up and down his back in a slight attempt of keeping the guy warm. Dean looked down at his chest and felt a flutter in his stomach at seeing his name printed out on Cas’ skin. Cas was _his_ as much as he was Cas’. He focused his on Cas, those blue eyes, _oh_ those blue eyes, entrapping him in this space that was only theirs. The memory of those slim fingers, the same fingers that had made his bruises and cuts and burns disappear, were running against his jaw line and sending shivers down his spine. His tattoo hummed but, thankfully, that was all it did.

“Let’s get out of here?” Cas whispered in the space, _their_ space, in a way that made their lips brush together.

“Hell yeah.”

 The drive was silent, Led Zeppelin feeling the comfortable silence. Dean had finally given in and had given Cas his shirt back but as a peace treaty he had kept it off.  

At first he had no idea where he was going but just being in the car with Cas was satisfying. They drove for a couple of minutes, holding hands in the darkness, before Dean finally knew where to take them.

The drive took about 30 minutes but Cas didn’t seem to mind, leaning back against the leather seat and looking out the window with a peaceful smile on his face. Dean was honestly surprised he didn’t run into something since it seemed like he was looking at Cas WAY more than he looked at the road.

Dean parked the car right in front of the lake, the moon illuminating the black water. Cas made to open the door but Dean shook his head, gesturing to the back seat. Soon enough they were in their usual position, with Cas’ back against the leather seat and Dean holding him down against it.

Sam was having dinner with Jess. He was meeting the parents for the first time and was sweating buckets but Dean hadn’t received any ‘Get me out of here!’ texts so everything must’ve been going swell.

Cas helped Dean take off his shirt and they pressed play on their delayed foreplay. This time, however, it was slower, searching for a space they hadn’t yet discovered. Soft rock played through the speakers as their tongues searched each other’s mouths as if hoping to find something they didn’t already know about the other.

Dean’s humming was sweet, gentle, and it only made Castiel’s tattoo hum even deeper into his chest. It didn’t take long for Castiel to realize that Dean was humming to the rhythm of the music.

It was intimate yet completely ridiculous that Castiel began to laugh. Dean didn’t need a reason to laugh, so they lay there laughing and stealing light kisses in between breaths. They rested their foreheads together, warm skin against warm skin.

Even in complete darkness, Castiel could see the green in Dean’s eyes. Even though he couldn’t see them, he knew where all those freckles where, running down onto his chest and possibly, _probably_ , lower below the belt. Even though they were breathing into each other’s mouths and licking the already swollen mouths, he knew exaclty how Dean tasted and how he felt.

Even though his tattoo wasn’t burning, steaming, making Dean’s name glow red, Castiel knew that he had fallen, in the _best_ kind of way, for Dean Winchester. And his name, just those three letters of the nickname Dean had given him, was on Dean’s own chest, he knew that he’d fallen for Castiel too.

And that was the best goddamn feeling in the world.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated for my Kitty, who passed away last Friday. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you as much as I should've been, and I hope Cat Heaven has as much cat marijuana (catnip) as the eye can see.   
> I love you and I miss you.

“No, no, no, that is COMPLETE bullshit and you know it.”

“Why? Because you have a crush on the guy?”

An exaggerated gasp escaped from Dean’s mouth as he clutched his chest. “How DARE you assume such a thing?”

Sam laughed and they stepped forward in line, two people from the cash register. “I’m not hearing you denying it.”

“That’s how shocked I am.” Dean glared at his little brother, his hands inside his jacket rubbing at his carton. “But it doesn’t matter whether I _do_ or _don’t_ have a crush on the guy-”

“Which you do,” Sam so helpfully inputted.

“BUT,” Dean said with a pointed finger, “matter of the fact is that if Iron Man and Captain America went at it, Rogers would beat the crap out of Stark with his patriotic fist of freedom.”

“Dean, you’re forgetting the main part of Iron Man having a metal suit that has weapons that could kill Captain America before he takes out his shield.”

He grunted out in frustration, taking one step forward again. “Okay, whatever.”

“And besides-” Sam began but Dean turned to face Cas, quietly watching the exchange between the brothers.

“What do you think?” Cas seemed surprised to be included into the conversation, his eyes widening and his mouth slightly opening. _God_ he was adorable.

“Well,” he started uncertainly with a shrug, “I haven’t watched any of those movies.” Sam nodded but Dean’s brow furrowed as he looked at the guy. Cas’ eyes were still relatively wide as he looked at him in question. “What?”

“Cas, it’s been fun but, I think we need to see other people.” Annoyance flashed through Cas’ features and Sam smacked him on the forearm, only making Dean burst out in a laugh. He quickly wrapped an arm around Cas and planted a sloppy kiss on his temple. He could feel Cas lay a hand on his waist and suddenly his tattoo was burning up and sending electrical waves throughout his body. So much for casual.

It was their turn to order, Sam picking out their drinks while Dean kept the argument going.

“Even Rogers said it, take away Stark’s suit, you’re left with a narcissistic dick who can’t tell his ass from a hole on the ground.”

“So basically, you?”

He smacked the back of Sam’s head, almost making him spill his drink as they made their way to the back of the café to an empty table. When they sat down, the conversational topic had been switched to some other crap that Cas and Sam were mostly involved in. He still had about a thousand other arguments he could fish out in his boy Rogers’ defense but it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Both his brother and his boyfriend were completely ignoring him and geeking out over some authors or whatever. Dean wasn’t paying attention to whatever they were saying but just watching the glint of excitement and the smile that twitched at the edges of Cas’ lips made him feel giddy on the inside.

It was hard to pinpoint the exact moment when he became all mushy and couldn’t keep his hands to himself, but at this point it was hard to break from the habit. His hand was on Cas’ knee while he kept looking at his lips form each word and maybe he had a stupid smile on his face but whatever.

His stupid smile only grew bigger when Cas quickly glanced at him before taking a sip of his coffee, his lips forming a smile over the brim of the cup. Dean was still staring at those pretty pink lips when they started speaking again.

“Sam, I think your brother has a staring problem.” They both laughed at Dean’s look of disbelief and Cas laughed harder when Dean took back his hand and placed them on the table.

“I do _not_ have a staring problem,” he tried to defend himself.

“Oh please, you haven’t taken your eyes off him since we sat down, not to mention how you looked at him more than the damn road on the drive over.”

“I was surprised we didn’t run over any pedestrians with this guy’s reckless driving.”

Dean glared at them as they both laughed at him even more. He couldn’t believe it; they were ACTUALLY gaining up on him when HE was the one that had paid for the drinks.

“Whatever. Let’s just not forget who was the creep that couldn’t keep his eyes to himself while I made out with my girlfriend.”

The air seemed to be sucked out from their small table right as he finished the sentence he knew would be his doom. Sam’s mouth was a perfect O and Dean was wondering when he’d seen his little brother’s eyebrows reach so high. The answer was: never. He had to prepare himself for when he turned to face Cas, sure he would get major bitchface. Instead of seeing that furrow of brow he was already so used to, Dean was surprised with the smuggest smile he’d ever seen on the guy.

“On your girlfriend-?”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Dean rushed to amend.

He still had that smug smile and Dean just wanted to slap right off him. Why the hell was he smiling like that? Dean wasn’t even able to ask when Cas spoke again from behind his cup.

“Doesn’t matter, the creep still won.”

No matter how hard he tried, Dean couldn’t keep his glare. Cas was giving him that sort of smile that he could feel in the pit of his gut, making it hard to breathe and sending butterflies everywhere. They’d been dating for a while now and yet he STILL got all blushy and love struck around the guy.

He smiled back and they fell into easy chuckles that soon enough filtered into conversation that Dean would participate only in hell. As he sipped his coffee, he could feel the already familiar warm hand on his knee. Cas was talking and had a ghost of a smile on his lips, those piercing blue eyes trained on Sam, but when he placed his own hand over Cas’, an actual smile appeared and it was like a fucking ray of sunshine in that dark place, making him forget the rain pouring outside.

After a while they seemed to remember that he was there and were able to make some room for him in their conversation. They talked about stupid crap, like what would happen in the next episode of The Walking Dead since the three of them had started watching it together on Netflix. At some point, Sam and Cas got in an argument about the Hershel either being a back stabbing son of a bitch or legitimately looking out for the good of the group. This time around, Dean didn’t mind being excluded from the argument since it was entertaining as hell watching them bicker like grandmothers at a home.

“Uh, excuse me?” Dean looked up at the lady standing near their table. She was well dressed and had the most startling gray eyes, which were focused on Cas. “Is-is this chair taken?”

“No, you can take it.” She quickly glanced at Dean but her eyes focused on Cas again.

“Is this chair taken?” She asked again, but Dean got a sense that the question wasn’t directed towards him. He squeezed Cas’ knee, drawing him from his conversation.

“What?” Dean darted his eyes towards the lady and when Cas looked at her, his eyes widened again, but this time it wasn’t as adorable. He slowly stood up, a rush of emotion swimming in his eyes.

At first, they just stared at each other, leaving Sam and Dean to awkwardly glance between the two. The woman was smiling nervously at Cas, who had a hard frown and his fist clenched. It was the most intense seconds of his life, becoming more and more unbearable until he couldn’t take it anymore. Dean cleared his throat rather loudly, making Cas glance down at him for a second but it seemed to do the trick.

“Hello mother.”

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“I-I was going to call,” she began to mumble but none of it mattered. He walked to her side and wrapped his arms around his mother’s body, relishing the warmness of her. Castiel didn’t know just how much he’d missed her until he was hugging her like he was afraid she would disappear, which he was.

Castiel finally let go of her, letting his hands trail down her arms and onto her own warm hands.

“What are-?”

“I wanted to call,” she interrupted, squeezing his hands, “I _was_ going to call but I wanted to settle in first so we could really talk. But I’m so glad I saw you here instead.”

He huffed out a laugh that felt like relief. Naomi looked the same, but why wouldn’t she? It had only been a couple of months since they’d last seen each other, granted it felt like it had been longer.

“Well,” Dean said as he and Sam stood up, “we’ll give you two some time.”

That’s when he snapped back from his thoughts. “It’s fine,” Castiel began but Dean laid a hand on his shoulder, smiling at him and squeezing lightly. He gave him an understanding smile that Castiel returned with fondness and gratefulness, and then he was watching the Winchester brothers walked towards the door.

 Castiel returned his gaze to his mother, still holding her hands, and that rush of tenderness washed over him instantly. Again he was at a loss for words, the thousands of things he’d been planning to say to her out of his mind. But he didn’t have to say anything, his mother leading them to the table and the both of them sitting down.

“I-I…” but no words could describe the rush of emotion that was running through him, so for a while they say there and enjoyed being near each other once again. He might’ve not been as close to his mother as he wanted to credit himself with, but they still loved each other and that was in composed in the silence they shared.

“It’s good to see you,” she finally said, tears brimming on the edges of her eyes.

“Yeah, you too.” His mouth felt dry and his heart was beating a thousand miles an hour.

 “Last time we saw each other, it wasn’t pleasant was it?”

Castiel huffed out a laugh. “Understatement.”

He didn’t want, didn’t want to feel like she could vanish as soon as he let go of her, but being in so much physical contact with her was still new ground for the both of them. Castiel slowly let go, his mother gently folding one hand over the other, her smile never wavering.

“Have you talked to Gabriel?”

“I was planning on talking to the both of you tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“Of course, you could still join us for lunch.”

That immediately lifted his spirit. “I’d love that.”

She gave him another tender smile, reaching out to lightly touch his cheek. He leaned into the touch, remembering the last time she ever touched him like that. He must’ve been around 7.

“Anna wanted to come but she got held up.”

“She always had _some_ sort of plans.”

Naomi laughed and nodded as she placed her hand back on top of the other.

“How’s dad?”

“Oh,” that’s when her smile completely disappeared, replaced with something Castiel couldn’t quiet read, “I haven’t heard from him.”

Castiel didn’t mean to, but a boiling rage filled him. Nobody had heard from him since that horrible fight. Didn’t he care how they were at _all?_ Not even a little?

“Typical of him; he goes out and doesn’t think to inform us on whether he’s alive or not.”

“Don’t do that.” He looked up at his mother’s eyes (he got the color from his father) and was surprised to see so much guilt in them. “Don’t blame your father.”

“What?” It was confusing to see her defending his father, in his good days only drinking during dinner, after all the crap they’d gone through.

“Your father-”

“Can’t bother to pick up the phone and make one stupid phone call,” Castiel cut in. He didn’t know where the anger had come from but it wasn’t something new.

“Well it’s not like he didn’t want to.” Now she was getting angry too and Castiel didn’t know towards who, his father or him.

“Oh really? Because if he DID want to contact us, it would’ve been very simple.”

“No, it wouldn’t have.”

“Why?”

“Because I told him not to contact any of us.”

The words had made it through his ears but they must’ve gotten stuck somewhere because he couldn’t process what she’d just said.

“…What?”

“After he left I told him that, for his own good, to not contact any of us.”

Castiel was hearing the words, but it still felt like a different language. “Why would you do that?” After weeks of thinking he just had had enough of that family and wanted to do nothing with them, it turned out she had told him to keep his space. “Why would you tell my father, your _husband,_ to stay away?”

She had a hard expression, a cold hard stare that only made him even more uneasy.

“He got his name a couple of weeks before.”

It was inappropriate, far from the adequate response to a situation like that, but he couldn’t help. Castiel started laughing. Really laughing, like when you get tickled or when you’re at a really funny comedy show, which Castiel had experienced neither but imaged was something like that.

“What-what do you mean he got his name _a couple of weeks before_?”

“And even before then, we were having issues,” she continued, as if she hadn’t heard him. “We didn’t like fighting in front of you kids, but something snapped and we couldn’t keep pretending like everything was okay.”

Castiel was about ready to explode. His mother kept rambling on and on, not giving him a single second to fully understand every single thing coming out of her mouth.

She was still talking, explaining how they knew it was the best thing for them or some crap like that but he couldn’t just listen anymore.

“Okay, stop.” He said it louder than intended, making some people glance to their table. Naomi looked startled but Castiel had too many questions unanswered. “Okay, what do you mean that you’ve had trouble for a while?”

Again, that same look of guilt settled on her features. “We were fighting about my working schedule and how I didn’t spend that much time with the family.” He couldn’t argue but he didn’t want to agree either. “I mean, we had little arguments now and then but then they became more intense and harder to keep under the raps. We never intended for you guys to see it.”

His heart was beating so fast and so hard against his chest that his vision became a little blurry. This was crap, actual crap. The two people he thought were so perfect together, a match made in hea-

“HE GOT HIS NAME A COUPLE OF _WEEKS_ AGO?!”

“Castiel!” Naomi smiled at the people that looked at their table again with angry glares. “Please, keep your voice down.”

“How the hell am I going to keep my voice down when you tell me that my _father_ only JUST got his name?”

“I know it’s a lot to take in-”

“No shit”

She gave him a hard glare, resuming with more controlled anger in her voice, “BUT, if you let me explain, I assure you that it’ll make a lot of sense.”

Castiel wanted to protest but there was no use to it. He leaned back on his chair and motioned for her to continue her story. Rain was lightly tapping on the windows, creating a low buzz in the quiet café.

Before she began, she let out a heavy breath and looked down at her hands, twisting a napkin between her fingers. “Your father and I met during our last year in high school and we thought that we were in love. I mean I WAS in love and still _love_ your father, but back then it was different. We were convinced that we were each other’s soulmates but we didn’t want to risk it, so we ran away together, starting a whole new life where no one knew us so there’d be no chance for us to find potential soulmates. It was genius. That is, until we never got each other’s names and it was a horrible feeling.” He could see her eyes beginning to water. His own hands were shaking. “But there’s a reason why we have soulmates, Castiel, there’s a reason why we have assigned partners. Gabriel was born, and everything was still fine, you were born, and I was so happy with my two little boys, and Anna came and I didn’t think there was anything better. Years later, after establishing a life, a _family_ , together, that’s when we realized what not knowing your soulmate does to you.”

“Mom-” It hurt, everything about that damn story was making his body ache and his breathing shallow.

“He got his name,” she continued, a tear streaking down her face, still facing down, “and I was so _blinded_ with grief that I wasn’t able to see how stupid we were to think it would never happen. And in MY anger, I prevented him from even talking to his kids and I’m sorry,” she reached for his hands, more tears rolling down her face, “I’m so sorry that I made him a stranger in your lives.”

Castiel was speechless. He’d always heard the story of how their parents had met but they’d always added in the part of them getting their tattoos and it being the happiest they’d felt. It was beautiful. Until it wasn’t.

“Castiel, when you get your name, your tattoo, it will be the best thing-”

“I already got my name.”

He shouldn’t have opened his mouth. His mother was already feeling like crap, crying and her heart breaking in front of him, and telling her that was another blow.

“You did?” She was smiling but she was hurt, she was hurting horribly.

“I was going to call, I swear I was, but since I didn’t know where you were-”

“You got your name.” Now she was crying again, but she was smiling and laughing happily, and before he knew it he was being hugged so fiercely that it hurt but it was awesome. Castiel didn’t even have time to hug back before she was holding him at arm’s length, her teary eyes still shining. “What’s her name?”

He could lie. He could say it was Danna or some crap and it would only be half a lie. He could avoid the question completely and bolt from the place.

“His name is Dean.”

She looked at him and he looked at her and for a second it all felt like it was crumbling down but then she hugged him again with the same fierceness and everything felt good.

“I’m so happy for you.” They laughed and would break away but would hug before they could say anything else.

They were looking at each other and Castiel was telling her about when he got his tattoo, making it a little later, when his mother’s phone began to ring. It was sad that they both knew what that meant, but for the first time, it didn’t feel all that crappy.

“I could cancel, if you want.”

“No, no it’s fine, they’re waiting for me too,” he pointed towards the Winchester brothers, sitting at a table near the front door.

“Right.”

More small talk was exchanged before they walked over to the front door, Sam and Dean standing up to greet them.

“Mom, this is Sam and Dean Winchester.” She smiled politely and shook both of their hands.

“I’m sorry, but Dean is…”

“That’s me,” Dean held out his hand again and his mother gave him a bigger smile.

Everything was going so smoothly until she leaned closer to Castiel and loudly whispered, “he’s really cute, you did good.” He laughed and when he saw Dean’s face grow red, Sam, Naomi, and Castiel laughed a little more, forcing Dean to chuckle nervously.

Over the next five minutes they exchanged jokes and plans that seemed set in stone.

But that was soon gone.

As he sat in the passenger seat of the Impala, hearing the roar of the engine over the drizzle of the rain, everything fell apart again. His parents weren’t soulmates. When you’re a kid, you think you have the best parents and that they have the best marriage ever. But, in his case, that wasn’t true.

“Cas?” He couldn’t look away from his lap, not even when Dean placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Do you mind if I walk home?”

“Cas, it’s raining.”

“It’s not that bad.”

Castiel didn’t have to, or didn’t want to, wait for an answer, already a couple of feet away from the car when he heard Dean calling out his name.

His hood was enough protection.

After all, the rain was his favorite thing in the world.


	24. Chapter 24

Calling was useless and when he went to the suite, Cas was nowhere to be found. Dean was trying not to worry but how the hell could he not? The rain hadn’t stopped and that just added to his crappy mood.

He was lying on his bed, still fully clothed and reading a magazine. The magazine’s words floated in the air but he kept flipping the pages as his headphones made the music travel into his ears. Every once in a while he would glance at his phone and at the empty screen. Where the hell could Cas be?

Dean didn’t hear the knock on the door, tried not to look at the form of his little brother enter the room, and tried to cover his face with the magazine as Sam sat on the desk that was in front of his bed. His attention, however, was forced to look at Sam when the kid had thrown a pencil at his head.

“Hey!” He removed his headphones and angrily sat up on the bed. “That could’ve hit my eye!”

“Get up.”

Dean rolled his eyes and glanced at the clock. _7:36_. “Sam-”

“You don’t _mope,_ Dean. You don’t lay in bed all damn day because your boyfriend can’t pick up the phone.”

“I don’t do that!”

“Yes, you do.” Sam had gotten off the desk and walked over to Dean, arms crossed and glared pressed on his features. “Remember when you came back from the trip with Cas and he wouldn’t talk to you for, like, two weeks? You moped. When you got your tattoo and didn’t have the balls to talk to him? You moped. You always do this!”

Dean’s fists were clenched so hard they hurt. He tried to hold the staring contest but couldn’t, dropping his gaze to the picture on the night stand. It was the last happy and complete picture of the Winchester family.

Sam sat on his bed but Dean couldn’t look at him. It was true, he did mope, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was being such a baby about the whole damn situation.

“You’ve had your crappy days and I know how much you hate it when people try to talk to you. Cas is the same. Give him some time and he’ll come to you when he’s ready.”

His mother’s blonde hair overflowed over her shoulders as she held on to baby Sam, his dad holding on to Dean. That’s when they were happy and even though he couldn’t remember those times that much, he still longed for when they were a functional family.

Sam didn’t say anything and soon left. Dean felt like crap but now it was because he was pushing Sam away when the kid was just trying to help. After beating himself up a little, telling himself how much of a jackass he was, he went to Sam’s room. It took a while to convince him but eventually they were sitting on the couch watching a foreign movie that had no subtitles. They had fun making up their own dialect and voices for each new person that showed up. Pizza soon sat on plates on their laps and each of them held their drinks.

It was still raining lightly, the droplets quietly hitting the windows. He tried not to but he kept glancing at the dark screen of his phone, hoping that it would light up with Cas’ name. It didn’t.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The next morning it was still raining but it wasn’t that unbearable. It was a slow day at the shop and Garth wasn’t as enthusiastic as usual so it was pleasantly quiet.

Whenever Bobby came out of his office, he would try to smile at Dean but he still couldn’t look at the man without getting mad. He still couldn’t wrap it around his mind that Bobby would hide Sam from him and expect him to just sweep it under the rug. It was about damn time he did but the panic he had felt when he didn’t have a damn clue where Sam was was still a bitter memory.

Dean was leaning over the engine of an SUV, the wrench tight in his grasp. It was already 10:46. Where did the morning go? His tattoo was aching and Dean was yet again tempted to call Cas but Sam’s words still rang through his mind. Cas _would_ call when he was ready. Dean just needed to give him time.

“Okay, first, how the hell does she expect me to _immediately_ understand that she and my dad aren’t soulmates?” He was still looking down at the engine but his hands had frozen and his tattoo was burning. “I mean, you can’t just DROP that on your kid with absolutely NO warning.”

Cas was basically yelling and in the silence of the shop it seemed a million times louder. He couldn’t even hear the rain outside.

“She comes in, says, ‘Hey Castiel, I know we haven’t talked in a while but let’s forget that, okay? Oh, and by the way, your father and I are getting a divorce! How are you doing?’ Unbelievable!”

Dean had finally turned to face him, dropping the wrench on the toolbox next to the car. Cas was pacing back and forth, hands racking through his black hair, and he was still wearing yesterday’s clothes. His blue eyes were wild and couldn’t seem to focus on just one thing.

“Cas?”

“You can’t do that!” Cas finally stopped and looked at Dean. “You can’t just reappear in your kid’s life and tell him all that crap and expect him to be all right!”

“Yeah, you can’t.” Dean tried to clean his hands with the rag in his back pocket as Cas began to pace around the workshop again.

“Exactly, she can’t do that. But she did, she fucking did and invited me to lunch like if we ALWAYS do that!” Cas stopped pacing once again but immediately dropped to the ground, face hidden in his hands as he sat with his legs crossed.

He was scared. He shouldn’t have been but he was. Cas had left looking a little rattled but that was nothing compared to how he was now. Dean was still standing by the car, his mind desperately trying to catch up with Cas’ movements. It took him too long to go over to Cas’ shaking body.

As soon as he had dropped to the ground, Cas tightly wrapped his arms around Dean’s back and buried his face into Dean’s shoulder. This time he didn’t hesitate to move. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck and rested his chin on top of the guy’s head. Cas wasn’t shaking anymore but Dean could feel his quick heartbeat.

“It’s okay Cas, everything is-”

“No, it’s not,” he said against Dean’s shoulder.

He smiled and kissed his messy dark hair. “You’re right,” Dean said as his lips moved against Cas’ wet hair, “it’s not okay but it will be.” His clothes were getting soaked through. Only now did Dean realize that Cas as a whole was soaking wet and that he was probably shaking because of the cold. “Did you walk here?”

Cas lifted his head and looked up at Dean, his brow furrowed in confusion. His blue eyes still looked like a storm. “What are you doing right now?”

Dean laughed and dropped one hand to Cas’ cheek as the other played with wet hair that hanged over his forehead.

“I’m working right now.”

“Right.” Dean laughed and placed both hands on Cas’ wet cheeks as he kissed his forehead. He sat in front of Cas with his legs crossed too. Dean rubbed small circles on the back of Cas’ hands as they sat on the dirty floor of the workshop, the rain still pouring outside.

Cas was looking down at their hands but Dean could look nowhere else but at him. He was wet and his cheeks were smudged with grease that Dean had unsuccessfully cleaned from his hands. The corner of his jaw twitched every once in a while and he kept sniffing. Damn idiot was going to get sick.

“Sorry I didn’t call.”

“You were going through something, don’t sweat it.”

Cas looked up at him, a small smile playing on his lips. They met each other half way, connecting their lips ever so slightly. Cas’ lips were cold but he couldn’t get enough of them. It was slow, timid, trying to find each other. His hands had found Cas’ cheeks again and he held onto him as their lips danced together. Cas’ cold hands snaked upwards and onto Dean’s neck, sending shivers down his body but his burning tattoo did a pretty good job of keeping him warm.

Their lips moved slowly against each other and it felt like all the weight he’d been carrying around, not just from yesterday but since so long, was lifting from his shoulders. He would’ve stayed in that moment forever but he was at work, Bobby or Garth or even his dad able to walk over and seeing. It wasn’t because he was embarrassed of Cas, far from it, but he didn’t want them seeing them like that. When Ash had seen them, it was different. Both of them had seen each other in compromising situations.

Cas slowly pulled away, giving Dean one last peck as he rested their foreheads together. Dean didn’t move his hands from Cas’ cheeks and Cas left his now warm hands on Dean’s neck.

“I gotta go,” Cas whispered, his breath hitting Dean’s lips.

“Please don’t.”

“Dean-”

“My shift is almost done, I’m out,” he looked at his black watch and cussed under his breath, “I’m out in an hour and a half but I can leave early.”

Cas let out a laugh that felt so good to hear, making his tattoo burn again. “No, you have to stay.” He was about to protest but Cas kissed him again and everything he was about to say suddenly vanished from his mind. It was a quick kiss but it still felt like the best damn thing.  “I’ll go to the suite and take a shower, change and get my mind straight. When you get out, you can get ready too. I like the smell of grease and the look of working Dean as much as the next person, but I’m getting kind of dizzy.”

He nodded but neither of them moved for a good while.

Cas finally left when another car had come in. Dean wanted to give him the car but Cas said he’d take the bus and for him not to worry about it. Of fucking course he worried but John was coming in for his shift and wouldn’t let Dean leave until he was done.

No matter how fast he worked and how long it seemed to be since the last time he looked at the clock hanged up on the wall, the hour and a half took forever to pass by.

The rain seemed to get heavier by the time Dean left.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Benny was the one to open the door, giving him a small smile before letting him pass by.

“Where’s Ash?”

“He’s at the library studying.” He laughed even though he knew it was true. It was so weird thinking about Ash, party man of the century, at a library actually sitting down to study. Dean had started walking towards the door he was already used to but Benny stopped him before he took more than 3 steps.

“What’s up?”

Benny seemed uncertain, glancing at the door and back at Dean. “Castiel, he’s been a little off lately.” Benny was whispering and that made Dean a little nervous.

“What do you mean?”

“Even before yesterday he’s been all over the place. Sometimes he even sleeps on the couch and then leaves, not even showing up to his classes.”

Dean tried to process the words but they made no sense. Why would Cas not show up to his classes?

“Thanks Benny.” He patted the other guy’s shoulder, giving him a smile.

He entered the room and was met with almost complete darkness, the gray sky outside still filtering in some light through the curtains. _Carry On Wayward Son_ was playing through the speakers.

“I have to get you a new CD,” Dean commented as he shut the door and removed his wet leather jacket.

“I like it though. It’s nice.” Cas was lying on his back as his eyes were fixed on the ceiling. He did move when Dean laid next to him, noses brushing against each other as their legs entangled together.

Cas’ hair was still wet but his clothes were different, a navy shirt and black sweatpants. Dean dropped his arm on Cas’ waist and folded the other one under his head. The bed was too small for the both of them but they pressed together enough as to not fall off.

“You smell good,” Cas murmured with his eyes closed. He was playing with Dean’s necklace as Dean slowly rubbed Cas’ hip.

“So do you.” He kissed the tip of Cas’ nose and those blue eyes fluttered open. Dean smiled and rested their foreheads together, still looking into those blue eyes. “Are you better?” Cas nodded and closed his eyes again.

“It’s still raining.” Dean huffed out a laugh and closed his eyes too. The rain was becoming a very pleasant sound, background noise that settled the mood of the room.

“I thought you liked the rain.”

“I do but I’m wondering when it will end.”

“Maybe it won’t.”

“I hope it doesn’t.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah… Why?”

“I’m just making sure.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Why haven’t you been going to your classes?”

“…”

“Cas?”

“… I don’t know.”

“Come on, tell me.”

“No, it’s embarrassing.”

“Cas.”

“What?”

“You are a stubborn fucker.”

“No matter how much you flirt with me, I’m not telling you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you won’t understand.”

“Stop it.”

“What?”

“You’re being stupid.”

“How?”

“Just tell me Cas. Either you tell me or I’m gonna find out one way or another.”

“…”

“…”

“… Fine. I haven’t gone to my classes because I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“…”

“Cas?”

“I don’t know what I want to do after college.”

“You still have to go to your classes.”

“I told you that you wouldn’t understand.”

“Cas.”

“Before, I was going to go work with my mom in the business but I don’t know anymore.”

“…”

“…”

“Want me to tell you a story?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Do you remember when you went to that record store and I magically appeared there?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, actually, I followed you there.”

“Oh, so I wasn’t the only creep.”

“Will you let me finish?”

“Fine, go on.”

“So, anyway, after that, I kept making excuses to come over and see you and I mean, I wasn’t very smooth about it since Ash was on my case pretty quick but whatever. And that one day we went to Sam’s play, I was originally gonna go with Lisa but at the end she cancelled. Short to say I was pretty fucking excited when I thought of inviting you.”

“…”

“What I’m getting at is… back then I didn’t know what the hell I was doing either and yet I knew that there was more between us. Even when I was with Lisa and didn’t want to admit it, I knew that this wasn’t the casual friend thing. I knew when you told me your name in that record store that this was for the long run.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

Dean couldn’t take the silence anymore. He opened his eyes and was met with those intense eyes that seemed to reach into his very core. Cas wasn’t playing with his necklace anymore, just holding it. The music had stopped playing, the only sound that filled the room being the rain outside and the quiet TV in the living room.

He wanted to say something else, make it clear that no matter what it was, Dean would hear him out. Of course he was worried about Cas, how couldn’t he be? Cas was being so cryptic and that only put Dean’s nerves on edge.

He gave him a quick kiss that lingered. Dean’s arm tightened around Cas’ waist and his tattoo started to hum.

“Dean,” Cas said against his lips.

“Hmm?”

“I think I want to become a writer.”

Dean looked at Cas. His eyes were focused on Dean’s necklace as he resumed playing with it.

“Hey,” Dean lifted his chin and made their eyes meet, “that’s awesome Cas.”

“I don’t-” But he couldn’t finish, Dean’s lips meeting his. Pretty soon they were back to the dancing they knew so well. Dean didn’t even need music to be playing through the speakers; his mind was making some of its own. Tongues darted back and forth and one of them, who knows who it was, made a small humming noise that vibrated through their chests.

“I don’t think my mom will like it.” Cas hugged Dean tighter and buried his face into his chest.

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“My dad was a writer and she was always remarking how much of a talentless man he was.”

“Yeah, but that’s different.”

“How?”

“They weren’t soulmates so they got irritated around each other since they weren’t meant to deal with each other’s crap. You’re her son and yeah she’ll give you crap about it about it but, what’s a little more crap from a woman who’s gave you the whole shit festival?”

Cas laughed and even though his little speech hadn’t been the most inspiring thing in the world, Dean’s stomach still fluttered with just knowing he had made Cas feel slightly better.

“So we’re meant to deal with each other’s crap?”

“That’s the DEFINITION of soulmate.” Cas laughed again and Dean couldn’t help but join in. They laughed in the semi darkness of the room as the rain kept pounding against the window. Dean’s nose was buried into Cas’ black hair and the smell of watermelon and cinnamon overwhelmed his senses. At some point, he had drifted off.

It seemed like he had only closed his eyes for a second before he woke up again. Ash was talking loudly and saying something about Jo but abruptly stopped. After a couple of seconds of silence, Ash started talking again but more quietly. He still had his eyes closed.

“I have to get ready.”

“For what?”

“I’m meeting my mom for lunch, remember?”

“Stay here.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“Dean.”

“Cas.”

He buried his face in Cas’ neck, wishing to hell that they could drift off again and forget about the whole lunch thing. But Cas didn’t forget and he was pushing against Dean until he was the only one still lying in bed.

“Cas, come on.”

“I have to get ready.” He turned on the light and the darkness disappeared. Dean grunted before sitting up and watched Cas ruffled through his drawers. “Maybe during lunch my mom will be able to explain things better and not push it all down my throat.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Dean looked down at his hands before he muttered, “especially when I’m the only one who can push things down your throat.” A balled up shirt hit him on the face. Dean laughed as he threw it back and threw his head back onto the pillow.

“Cas?”

“Yeah?” came the muffled response as he pulled the shirt over his shoulders.

“I was thinking…”

“What?”

“This Friday…”

“Yeah?”

“Would you mind coming to dinner at my house?”

He didn’t look up, his heart racing a million miles an hour. His tattoo was steaming but not enough to be so obvious. Dean had begun to get worried when Cas didn’t answer, but then Cas’ face appeared in his sight of vision with a gummy smile and a button down black shirt.

“I’d love to.” Cas gave him a quick kiss but Dean had had enough of the quick pecks. He pulled him down and it was another 30 minutes until Cas finally left.

Dean joined Ash and Benny in the living room with a cold beer in hand.

The rain wasn’t as heavy anymore, some sunlight drifting through the window.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it really been over a month? God I suck.

The lunch was going about as great as Castiel had expected it to; Gabriel was being passive-aggressive but bitchier than anything while Naomi was putting on a pretty face since they were in public. His mother would say something along the lines of “Gabriel, stop being such a child for one second” on which Gabriel would answer “Why don’t YOU stop being such a pain in my ass?” In other words, it was as if nothing had ever changed between their family.

Castiel had been drinking his water for the first 10 minutes of the conversation while his older brother and mother argued and for the other 45 minutes he ate his burger and was blissfully distracted from the conversation. Often times Dean had expressed his love for the hamburger and it wasn’t that Castiel was jealous or _threatened_ by it, but simply put it was that Castiel didn’t see the big deal. It was good but it was nearly as majestic as Dean had described it. Just thinking it made Castiel feel guilty, making him give Dean a silent apology.

He was finishing up the burger when Gabriel’s sharp laugh cut through his thoughts. He was laughing with absolutely no humor and Castiel knew that laugh all too well.

“Mom, we were NEVER the Brady Bunch, okay? So you can just stop acting like you are losing sleep over our broken family when in reality, it was never in its best shape.”

“Gabriel, I’ve apologized about your father more than necessary, can’t you just let it go?”

He gave another bitter laugh that turned several heads in their direction. Naomi rubbed her face angrily, a movement she had done constantly for the 20 years Castiel had lived at home, and let out an exasperated sigh. By this point, she should have expected to have gotten nowhere with Gabriel. It went to show just how much she knew him.

“Why are you laughing?” She hissed.

“Of course you still think making our dad completely cut us out of his life was the ONLY thing you did wrong.”

“What are you talking about?” She had practically yelled that out and for an unknown reason, Castiel wanted to laugh.

“Before you stormed out of the house that day dad left, you said some crappy stuff about us which had NOTHING to do with my dad getting his name.”

“Yes, you’re right I was rude and that it was horrible for me to say those things but I’ve apologized and shouldn’t that be enough?”

Gabriel didn’t laugh this time. He stared at their mother in stunned silence. It was awkward but Castiel didn’t try to lift it since they’d forgotten he was there a long time ago.

For a while, they glared at each other without saying a word and that’s when Castiel’s will broke. The whole scene was so ridiculous and there was absolutely no reason for him to laugh but he did, a low chuckle that soon had his eyes watering at the edges and hurting his sides. It was inappropriate to have laughed in that situation but at that point it was unstoppable. Castiel was laughing too loud and too much but it kept bubbling inside him and when he tried to stop, another outburst would fly from his mouth and he was laughing hysterically once more. This fight was an ongoing thing in their family and it would never stop and every fight, every argument and insult thrown was the same thing all the time.

He was still laughing three minutes later, his sides aching and his eyes filled with tears. Castiel would’ve gone on for God knows how long but his mother’s cold glare was enough to stop him from laughing. The hysterics were brought to a low chuckle again and the Castiel was sitting quietly as he tried to restrain another laugh.

“And,” her voice was laced with pure fury, “is so funny? If I may ask.”

Castiel chuckled and wiped a tear before being able to answer properly. “Mom, you and Gabriel, and the rest of our family, are full of shit.” Naomi’s jaw dropped in indignation but Castiel had stopped caring. “You can say that you’re sorry as much as you want and we can say we forgive you as many times you want to hear it, but matter of fact is that we would be lying. You’re always complaining about us and dad saying that he had gotten his name was the final straw so you decided it was the perfect time to lash out on us and be able to blame it on dad. If it wasn’t for the fact it was completely fucked up, it would’ve been a good plan. But let’s not sit here pretending we _actually_ want to fix the horrible mess our family has and will always be.”

It would’ve been best if Castiel hadn’t been smiling the entire time and if he had laughed a little at the end of it but that’s exactly what he did. His mother was at a loose for words while Gabriel nodded his head in approval. He felt bad but it was something that had been long ignored and was long overdue to be said.

For the minutes his mother didn’t talk, Castiel was worried he’d pushed it. He wanted to apologize and the laugh that had bubbled inside him was gone and now filled with guilt. But then his mom raised her head, nodding to herself as he sipped her water.

“Alright.”

Gabriel and Castiel exchanged a confused look. “Alright what?”

“I won’t pretend that all of what I said wasn’t a lie on how I felt.” That was as close to hearing her say she was wrong they’d ever get so Castiel tried to enjoy the moment as quietly as he could. “But, I _am_ sorry that it came out as harshly as it did. You don’t have to forgive me if you don’t want to and I’ll understand but I want you to know that I apologize. I’m sorry.”

Gabriel was glaring at her when he said he forgave her, which Castiel was convinced wasn’t sincere but his mother seemed happy enough with it that he decided not to say anything. All in all, it had gone much better than what he’d expected.

His mother and older brother argued again about God knows what but Castiel had yet again stopped listening to their bickering. He could’ve easily slipped away since they were so engrossed into their argument.

Castiel missed the hamburger, finally understanding why Dean was so obsessed with them, and decided to order a second one. It wasn’t as good as the first one but it still sent a wave of senses through his mouth. Of course, he was always fond of the simpler things.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Dean was patiently waiting for Cas to finish his last class of the day, the sun an hour or so from setting on the horizon. He was toying with his cigarette but hadn’t decided to light it, which was weird since he’d been craving one the whole day. Today, it had been about a week since he even touched his lighter.

He was leaning against the Impala, looking around nervously for any sign of long, black hair. It’d been a while, Dean had been around the campus plenty, walking through areas he’d spent a lot of time in, but he’d never seen Lisa. Maybe the tattoo dragged him away from anywhere that he’d see Lisa or he was just exaggerating and Dean just happened to not see her. Either way, he was still a little fidgety as he watched people walk by him.

After half an hour of waiting, he finally saw Cas strolling towards the Impala, looking down at his textbook and highlighting at random. People walked around him as he cut a B-line towards Dean and he couldn’t help but smile. His dorky little guy was walking without a single care about the people around him or what was in front of him. Dean placed the cigarette behind his right ear when Cas was a couple feet in front of him, still highlighting away.

“Hey-” Cas lifted a finger without looking up at Dean, his brows furrowed in concentration. Dean had waited 30 minutes for Cas, there was no damage waiting a minute more.

But that minute seemed to last forever and, as Dean found out, there WAS damage in waiting. He played with the edges of Cas’ sweater but he paid no attention, highlighting page after page.

“Cas?” He shook his head and kept looking down at his textbook, irritating Dean. “Come on, can’t you do that in the car?” Cas shook his head again.

Dean pulled on Cas’ sweater, pulling him closer but he barely even noticed, and gave him a quick kiss. Cas groaned in annoyance, his brows creasing even more but didn’t stop highlighting. What the hell was the purpose of highlighting so damn much? Dean kissed him again, two quick kisses that made Cas groan in annoyance, but when Dean let the third kiss linger, Cas actually went along with it. It deepened for a couple of seconds before Cas pulled away and looked down at the textbook again. Dean hissed and let go of Cas’ sweater. It wasn’t that he was _jealous_ of a fucking textbook, but it was annoying to see his boyfriend pay more attention to a couple of words than him.

To pass the time, Dean reached into his leather jacket’s pocket, grasping the box of cigarettes in his hand as he got one out of the pack. Without looking up, Cas grabbed the cigarette and flicked it away.

“Seriously?”

“Sam hates it when you smoke and frankly, I’m getting tired of it too.” That was the closest thing he got to a full conversation with Cas as he kept his eyes locked on the pages.

Dean let out a frustrated sigh. “I haven’t smoked in ages. Can’t I have this one?” He pulled out another cigarette which Cas tossed a side just as he had the first one. Dean was getting impatient and to see those two cigarettes go to waste only annoyed him further. He looked around at the emptying campus that was washed with orange light as the sun had begun to set.

“Don’t pout.”

“What?” Cas was still looking at his textbook but Dean could barely see the ghost of a smile.

“I’m almost done.”

“You could’ve easily done this on the way over.”

Finally, Cas closed the textbook and gave Dean a mocking smile. “You couldn’t wait for me to finish?”

“No, Cas, I couldn’t. I’m hungry, it feels like I haven’t seen you since forever-”

“It’s been four days.”

“Either way, it would be nice not to compete with a fucking book.”

Dean slid onto his seat, waiting until Cas got in too. He turned on the engine but could still hear the silent chuckle that escaped from Cas.

“I do love books, but believe me, they’re not as pretty as you.” Dean scoffed as he began to drive off the parking lot, turning the volume up a little to whatever song was playing on the radio. He looked over at Cas, something he was already used to, to see his head resting against the window with his eyes closed.

“Hey,” he lay a hand on top of Cas’ knee, shaking it a little, “you okay?”

Cas rubbed his eyes as a yawn made its way through Cas’ body. “Yeah, just tired.”

Dean’s hands worked over the steering wheel, turning back in the direction of the campus, without really thinking about it. He’d mentioned it to Cas earlier that week if he had wanted to go over to his house for dinner and Cas had seemed pretty on board. The whole week he’d been cleaning his room and the house to make sure nothing too embarrassing was laying around and, with Sam’s help, he’d done a pretty decent job. But Cas had locked himself in his dorm all week to study and get caught up with homework since he’d gone back to the classes he’d been skipping. He’d worked himself to the bone and Dean knew he must’ve been exhausted.

Cas kept his eyes closed the whole way back to campus but when Dean parked the car right outside of Cas’ dorm, he slightly opened an eye.

“What are we doing back here?”

“You need a good night’s sleep Cas.”

“No, I’m fine, I was just resting my eyes a little.”

“We can do this later.”

“Are you kidding?” Cas gave him an incredulous laugh, sitting up straighter on his seat. “I’ve been looking forwards to this the whole week.”

Dean tried to argue but the glare Cas gave him was enough to shut him up. He DID want Cas to get some rest since the bags under his eyes were only getting darker, but he was still guiltily happy that Cas was so determined to go to dinner at Dean’s. He began the drive again towards his house, Cas staying awake on the ride this time. They didn’t talk much, the ride mostly consisting of Dean singing along and Cas bobbing his head to the rhythm of the music. At some point, Cas had dragged the cigarette that was behind Dean’s ear with an incredulous laugh. Dean rolled his eyes with no real annoyance. He was getting sick of the cigarettes too.

Cas had never been over to Dean’s place. He knew this fact and had been more than okay with it since his drunken dad could’ve stumbled in at any moment. The only time Cas had been near his house was when he dropped off the Impala, but even then he hadn’t stayed for long. Dean had been worried about Cas coming over because of his dad but as he parked the Impala in the driveway, he selfishly realized that Cas would be okay as long as nothing like when they’d stopped at his house happened.

Even so, when had driven closer to his house, he couldn’t help the sigh of relief that came when he didn’t see his dad’s truck parked in its usual spot.

Dean led Cas through his house, passing the living room that he had spent the better half of a day cleaning, and into the kitchen. Cas sat at the table as Dean made his way to the stove, getting all of the ingredients he would need out of the fridge.

“So you’re cooking for me?” Cas asked with surprise and with a hint of what Dean thought was flirtation.

Dean smiled down at the heating stove grill plate. “Don’t get any ideas Novak cause this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“Oh, I’m full of ideas.” Dean tried to hide the flush that spread through his cheeks. Cas’ gruff voice was hot and gruff at the edges enough as it was, but the tease and insinuation behind it made his stomach jump. “Where’s Sam?”

He slapped the uncooked hamburger meat into the grill plate, the sizzling filling the kitchen space. “He’s having a study session at Jess’ house.”

“I though you still had him grounded.”

“Yeah, but nobody can say no to that idiot.”

“So, we’re alone?” His stomach jumped again at the smoothness behind Cas’ voice.

“Let me cook for you first,” Dean threw Cas a wink, “then you can have as much dessert as you like.”

Cas chuckled. He was looking down at the meat again but was able to hear the soft scrape of the chair as Cas pushed it back. His footsteps were silent but Dean could still hear him getting closer.

“What, want a cooking lesson?”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

As the meat cooked, they sliced the lettuce and tomatoes, putting them in plates and setting them on the table. They waited around for a bit until they were able to heat up their hamburger buns and prepare their meals. He made each of them two, Cas talking him out of the four he was initially making himself. Dean tried to keep the moaning to a minimum but _damn_ he made good hamburgers.

“Should I be worried?” Cas was smiling around his hamburger but rolled his eyes when Dean winked at him.

“If I could’ve, I would’ve married this baby a long time ago.” He took another bite as Cas scoffed. He settled his hamburger down, barely through the first one while Dean was already finishing his second one. “You didn’t like it?”

Cas took a sip from his water, pushing the second hamburger towards Dean. “It’s delicious I’m just not that hungry.” Dean must’ve looked more hurt than he realized because Cas laughed and took another bite from his burger. “I was eating in class before you picked me up.”

“Right.” He took a bite from Cas’ rejected burger. His hamburgers were fucking _perfect_ and even if he had eaten a damn feast, he would’ve been able to finish it. “Have you heard from your mom or Gabriel?”

“Gabriel is getting a place in the city and my mom is living in New York with Anna.”

“Have you heard from your dad?” Dean asked through a mouthful.

Cas handed him a napkin before taking another small bite. “I haven’t but my mother said she would try to get in contact with him. When she cut him off, she _really_ cut him off.”

“That’s something, right?”

“Yeah, it is.”

They finished their burgers and since it was still pretty early and Cas confirmed multiple times that he wasn’t tired, they went to the living room and turned on the television. Modern Family flashed onto the screen and since it was one of the funnier episodes, Dean decided to leave it. He pushed his boots onto the coffee table and threw a hand over Cas’ shoulder, pulling him closer than he was already seated. Dean would glance over at Cas to make sure he hadn’t dozed off, but throughout the episode he silently laughed and drank from his soda. It didn’t seem like long but pretty soon, Sam had opened the front door and had sat at the arm chair next to the couch.

“Hey, I thought you were gonna call me to pick you up.”

“I was but then Jess’ dad offered to bring me and I didn’t want to be rude.”

“Of course you didn’t. I left you a hamburger, it’s in the microwave.”

Sam went into the kitchen and got his dinner, joining them once again. For the better half of two hours, they watched Family Guy and American Dad. Cas said he hadn’t watched either and Sam and Dean had taken it as a personal challenge to show him as much as he allowed them to. As it turned out, Cas was very willing to watch a show filled with crappy humor and weirdly enough liked Stewie the most. Dean would’ve expected Brian but it made sense. Sort of.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“It doesn’t make sense. I see why they did it but it’s not possible and ridiculous to think that it could actually happen like that.”

“Cas, it’s a SHOW. The fans got mad that they had killed off one of the best characters of the show so they brought him back.”

“That’s the part I get but it’s still stupid how they did it.”

“Stewie had the time machine to do it. I don’t get how it’s stupid.”

Dean hadn’t thought much about it when he showed Cas the episode in which Brian died but then Sam offered to show him the episode where Brian was brought back and everything had gone to hell. He should’ve known better than to show Cas something like that since for what seemed like years, Sam and Cas argued over it. Dean was able to get up twice to get a beer without either of them noticing.

“Brian died,” Cas was explaining once again, “and then Stewie went back in time to save him. That means that Brian never would’ve died, so there was no need for Stewie to go back in time and save him. The whole plot is idiotic and impossible and makes for a crappy argument on how they brought him back.”

“I completely agree with you Cas, I do.”

“Then why the HELL are you guys arguing?” Dean took the control from Sam’s hand only to have it yanked away by Cas.

“I’m not watching anymore Family Guy episodes.”

“Cas-” He couldn’t pinpoint when the headache had started but it was growing steadily and he just wanted to watch a damn movie without anybody fighting over it.

“There really isn’t a way to win with you, is there?”

Dean laughed along with Sam. Cas fell back on the couch, letting out a tired sigh.

“All I’m trying to say-”

“We know what you’re trying to say,” Dean rested his hand on Cas’ knee, looking into those blue eyes that had burned a hole through him so many times before. “You won, now, just cool it, okay?”

It took a moment, but then Cas’ lips twitched in an attempt to not smile and he nodded. Dean’s hand was still on top of Cas’ knee, a movement that he was already used to and never seemed to grow tired of, looking into those stormy blue eyes. His hair was a fucking mess but Dean had given up trying to settle it, but it wasn’t like he had tried that hard anyway. He was wearing his dark gray sweater that fit him perfectly; baggy enough to outline his inner nerdness and tight enough to allow Dean to outline his muscles. Cas had forgotten to shave, his gruff already growing around the edges of his jawline. He could feel the warmness of Cas’ knee under his palm but it wasn’t nearly as hot as his burning tattoo.

“Ugh, can you guys not do that in front of me?” Sam had taken the remote from Cas’ hand, forcing them to pry their wandering eyes away from each other.

“Just be glad we didn’t get farther Sammy.”

“Believe me, I am.”

Wisely, Sam changed it to Breaking Bad instead, starting it over so Cas wouldn’t be confused. Unfortunately, they were only able to get to the third episode, nearing towards 11:30, when their dad’s truck parked in the driveway. It was a self-conscious move, something his body automatically did, when Dean moved just the slightest bit away from Cas, putting considerable space between the two. He couldn’t even look at Cas when his dad opened the back door and walked into the living room.

“Dean, I need-” John glared at Cas without even trying to hide it. “Who’s this?”

“I’m Castiel.” Cas stood up, his back straight and stiff.

“Hey. Dean, come outside and help me with the truck.” He was still glaring at Cas even when he was talking to him, making him even more agitated.

“Yes sir.” Both Winchester men walked outside, leaving Sam and Cas in the living room. Dean, before closing the door, could see the hard look that had settled on Cas’ features, his arms stiff to his sides. He tried for reassuring smile but it hurt how forced it was.

John was already waiting for him at the garage, his back to the house as he sorted through a couple boxes that were stacked in the corner. “What do you need help with?”

“Isn’t he a little old to be Sam’s friend?”

The question had thrown him off a little, diverted than what he’d expected would come from his dad. “What?”

“Castle, isn’t he several years older than Sam?”

“It’s Castiel and what’s that got to do with anything?”

“I’m just wondering who my son is hanging out with. Shouldn’t you keep track of that?”

Dean scoffed before he could stop himself. John glared at him as he pulled another box closer to him. He cleared his throat as he walked closer to his dad, pushing a box closer to him. “He’s actually with me.”

Again, Dean was thrown off by his dad’s behavior, which, this time, was laughter. He was actually laughing and Dean might’ve joined if it wasn’t for the fact that John was laughing _at_ him.

“That’s rich, really, it is.”

Before he even asked, Dean was regretting the question. “What’s so funny?”

It took John a second to compose himself, still smiling when he finally answered. “Isn’t he too much of a book worm for you to be friends with? But, who am I to complain, maybe some of it would rub off on you.”

Dean smiled with absolutely no humor. “You’re right, maybe some will.” His dad shuffled through yet another box, growing more agitated the longer he didn’t find what he was looking for. “So, what do you need help with?”

John kept shuffling through the papers until Dean’s words finally registered with him. He looked over at Dean, taking him in for a long time before he sat down and motioned for Dean to do the same. “Well, I have something to discuss with you.”

“Sure.” He was a little nervous, to say the least.

“As you know, Bobby is an old man whose bones aren’t as strong as he wants us to think. The job is getting to him and he doesn’t think he can work on the floor anymore.”

“Okay…?”

“Bobby and I are co-managers as the shop but Bobby at this point, only wants to be the owner, retire nice and early before it’s too late.” Dean was waiting for the point of the story but John was expecting him to react already. When he realized that Dean wasn’t getting whatever he was pointing out, he ran a hand through his hair, rolling his eyes to the high heavens. “I can’t be a co-manager when there’s only one of me, can I?”

He heard the words, he knew what his dad was saying, but couldn’t process them, couldn’t understand just exaclty _what_ his dad was saying. It took an embarrassingly long time for him to get it but when he did, John looked angrier than anything.

“Oh!” Dean was dazed but he was happy, fucking _elated_ , by what his dad was offering him.

“So,” he was smiling, an actual John Winchester smile, “what do you say?”

“Yeah. Hell yeah.” Dean was smiling ear to ear but John didn’t say anything about, smiling along with his oldest son.

“Go tell Sam to go to bed. It’s too late for him to still be up.”

“Are you gonna come it?”

“No,” he turned his attention back to the boxes, “I’m gonna go back to the bar. I just remembered something and I wanted to see if I still had it.”

 Dean left his dad in the garage, locking the back door and grabbing two more beers from the fridge. Cas was standing when Dean walked into the living room, arms still stiff at his sides.

“What did he want?” His voice was gruff and cautious and his furrowed brow screamed concern.

“He just wanted to talk.” Cas’ arms were still stiff and his back was straighter than a fucking ruler. “Relax, he really just wanted to talk.” He glanced at the door nervously, his body in no way relaxing. Dean stomach jumped at the concern so evident in Cas. He could feel Cas’ shirt under his swollen face again, could hear his crying and the pain in his chest at the thought of having lost Sammy. “Cas…”

“He just wanted to talk,” Cas echoed.

“He just wanted to talk,” Dean confirmed. He loosened up a bit but was stiffer than normal. Dean forced Cas to sit back down but he only relaxed when they could hear his dad’s truck drive away from the house.

Sam had gone to bed on his own account, leaving Cas and Dean alone in the semidarkness of the house.

“What did your dad want to talk about?” Cas was wondering now, not too accusingly this time.

“He wanted to talk about work.” Cas took that answer, drinking from his beer as he moved a little closer to Dean. “He wanted to offer me a position in the shop.”

“What position?”

“Co-manager.”

Dean met Cas’ eyes and it didn’t matter how dark the room was, he could always see those beautiful blues.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Cas smiled a big, gummy smile that made his tattoo squirm but made him unbelievably happy. Dean kissed him before he had time to say how awesome it was, that smile being enough words. It was a quick press of lips that didn’t linger or stray.

The clock soon struck one in the morning, forcing Cas to start to get up from the couch.

“I have to leave, it’s getting late.”

“Okay.” Dean let Cas get off the couch but then pulled him back down. He didn’t put up a fight, letting Dean’s wandering lips find the bottom of his jawline and to start kissing any exposed skin they found. His hands found Cas’ waist and pulled him closer to him, his other making its way up his Cas’ leg.

“Dean, seriously it’s getting late,” Cas tried to reason but made no attempt to pull away, leaning his head to the side to give Dean more access. He was slow, making sure he could perfectly outline every curve of Cas’ neck by memory. He’d done the process plenty of times before and yet Dean seemed to find new places that made Cas squirm and whimper in the best ways possible.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Dean nibble Cas’ ear, making him shake a little under the touch. “I can’t drive you though. I’ve had too much to drink.”

“Then I guess I have to spend the night.” Cas’ own hands were wandering over Dean’s legs until the found their destination, bringing out his own set of noises. He would’ve taken Cas right then and there but Sam’s room wasn’t that far away. The poor kid had heard enough from Dean’s room but he didn’t want to scar the poor child too.

Dean took Cas’ hand and pulled him towards the stairs. Cas pressed close behind Dean, his hands firm on Dean’s waist as they quickly ran up the stairs, stumbling but staying on their feet. When they reached the second floor, Dean pushed Cas against the wall, raking his hands through his black hair as their hips grinded against each other. Their tongues danced together over smiles and laughter that drowned whatever words were being said. Cas pushed himself off the wall but never separated their lips, keeping their hips as close as he could without tripping them.

He was barely able to lead them in the right direction, Cas’ lips more than enough as a distraction. But Cas was able to push the door open as Dean turned the flip next to the door.

“So this is your room?” Cas said as his fingers pressed against the skin under Dean’s shirt. He nodded but never let his lips drift too far away from Cas’, even if he was smiling. But then he didn’t have much of an option, Cas turning on the spot to have a better look of the room. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, resting his chin on Cas’ shoulder as he waited for Cas to get a good look. His room wasn’t that messy since he’d cleaned it well before Cas came over, but his bed was still undone from this morning.

Dean waited but then got a little nervous when Cas walked across the room and towards his bookshelf that was stacked with records and CDs and cassettes of thousands of different bands. He picked out random cases from each shelf, looking at them for a second before putting it back and picking out another one.

“They’re in alphabetical order.” Dean could feel the heat rush to his cheeks but Cas was kissing him again before he could really worry about it. They slowly walked backwards towards the bed. Dean’s knees hit the edge of the bed and they both fell backwards, foreheads bumping together as their lips broke apart by the laughs that ran through them.

He moved his body up the bed, Cas following as his lips reconnected to Dean’s neck, sucking and kissing and letting his tongue lick the surface. Dean felt the moan in his chest and guessing by the Cas’ low chuckle, he could hear it too.

“Don’t tell me you won’t make it a little longer Winchester,” Cas growled hungrily, his breathe tickling the wet skin he kept coming back to, bringing out another moan from Dean.

“What are you talking about? Of course I’ll make it.” But even he knew it was a lie. His hands were gripping on the bed sheets and his body was arching to get closer to Cas. They were still fully dressed and Dean was already losing his shit. Pathetic.

As if he had read Dean’s mind, Cas straightened up, straddling Dean’s hips with his knees. In one swift move, he took off his sweater and his bare chest came into view. Dean didn’t have much time to appreciate the view, lips meeting his as the grinding resumed without a second heartbeat.

It was hungry, desperate moves, trying to get closer than what they already were. Dean was aware of how hard he was gripping on Cas’ hips, smiling wolfishly at the thought of the bruises that it might leave. Cas’ hands were gripping onto the bed sheets, groans and moans travelling from his wet mouth into Dean’s. But it wasn’t enough. He needed the _contact,_ to _feel_ Cas’ beating heart against his own. He started to pull on the hem of his shirt but Cas was on it again, slowly lifting up the fabric, making sure to run his hands over Dean’s chest as he went along.

Dean gripped on Cas’ waist, squeezing and making Cas hiss in between breathes. At some point it had become impossible to tell whether his tattoo was the thing making him desperate for the contact or Cas himself. Between the kissing and grinding, Dean was on top of Cas, their hands linked together over Cas’ head.  His head was swimming from the lack of air and when they finally came up for air, they rested their foreheads against each other, breathing heavily.

“It’s so weird,” Cas said under his breath but Dean could hear him.

“What is?” His eyes were closed as he tried to regain his breath.

“It only says **_CAS_ , **not **_CASTIEL_**.”

Dean lifted his head a little, just enough to look at the tattoo on his chest. “Good thing, though. I would’ve died if all of it was seared on my chest.

“Yeah, but it’s weird.” Cas reached to touch the tattoo, his fingertips just brushing the black letters when read lines spread down Cas’ arms, traveling all the way to his chest and connecting with his own tattoo. Both names were lit up red as the red lines on Cas’ arm connected them.

It wasn’t scary or terrifying or any other normal reaction to that type of situation.

It was reassuring. It was relief in the weirdest way possible.

They watched the lines quietly, tracing them up and down, to the point where they connected to Dean’s tattoo and where they connected with Cas’. But then the lines disappeared, only the tattoos lighting up the dark room.

And it was there. Dean could hear, _feel_ , Cas’ heartbeat along his, only a millisecond off. He could feel the same reassuring feeling in Cas’ heartbeat and he could feel him under him. Not just because he WAS under him but because they were connected. They were joined by something greater than them or anything else. And up until now, Dean hadn’t realized just how strong that something else was.

But now he did. Cas and him, him and Cas, they were forever linked, forever connected and forged together. They were, against all odds, joined together by more than coincidences and random pairing. Cas and him had a bond that tides them together, to _each other,_ and it took up until now to realize.

Dean looked at Cas, those beautiful blue eyes that still were still able to shine in the darkness of the room. Cas met his gaze and the bright red of the tattoos was the only light that lit the room but they didn’t need it.

The red was gone a moment later but Cas and Dean were more that distracted to notice, their movements slower, just as hungry but leaving space to rediscover places they already knew. By morning, they had both well forgotten the whole ordeal of the light. Dean was only focused on warming up Cas’ cold ass feet. They cuddled close together as sunrise shinned through the window, drowning the room in orange light. Cas had his eyes closed but he kept tightening his arms around Dean.

They didn’t leave the room until after eleven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little hesitant but I think that's a good way to end it. Anyway, I want to thank each and every one of you who read this. It was my first ever story and I loved the feedback I got. Truly, thank you. You guys are the best and keep being awesome ^.^  
> #AlwaysKeepFIghting


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